Did I go about NC the right way??

[a.d.c.]

Hey guys.

Basically my ex-gf broke up with me and wanted to remain friends. I tried for a month but she kept playing headgames telling me in chronological order:

 

week 1. that she wanted to get back with me but needed more time

week 2. she wasn't sure cuz things could happen in the future or new people might come in our lives.

week 3. that she maybe wanted to get back but after she finishs nursing school(in April long time away).

week 4. that she was talking to someone now(her best friends brother). She's known him for 8 years and never been interested in him in that way PLUS just by looking at them no one would even think they're compatible whatsoever. I think it's more of a comfort thing. But I really don't know if she's even being serious.

 

Anyways I was getting hurt by all her mixed signals and so one night I finally told her that if she was interested in working things out(which she said she eventually is willing to do just not yet) to call me. But if she wasn't then not to call me. AND I told her that in the meantime not to call me for Christmas or New Years and that I wouldn't call her for her birthday(Jan 19).

 

She said it'd be hard not to call for Christmas but I told her to not do anyways and she said fine. THE REASON I told her these things is cuz I had tried to initiate NC once already a week earlier but she broke it the next day by calling me to ask a stupid question. And then she came up to my work with her friend to eat and to see me just 2 days later. Basically she didn't respect my decision the first time that's why I took that attitude the 2nd time around eventhough I still love her and would like to go out with her again. I know I've done everything in my power to show her that i'd be a different person a second time around in our relationship but she keeps saying not yet cuz she needs to work out her personal problems.

 

BOTTOM LINE: I left things in her hands, whether to call or not. And I WILL NOT call her. So there won't be any slipping up on my part like some other people that give up after a month or so.

 

Question is did I initiate NC in an alright manner or did I make it seem too much like an ultimatum by what I told her.

 

The one thing I may do is send her a b-day card on Jan 19, but I assure you guys that it's not to make contact with her. It's just out of generosity. And if she calls to thank me, I may or may not answer. But this is really looking too far into the future cuz I don't know if she'll give in and call before then.

[ticklebug]

week 1. that she wanted to get back with me but needed more time

week 2. she wasn't sure cuz things could happen in the future or new people might come in our lives.

week 3. that she maybe wanted to get back but after she finishs nursing school(in April long time away).

week 4. that she was talking to someone now(her best friends brother). She's known him for 8 years and never been interested in him in that way PLUS just by looking at them no one would even think they're compatible whatsoever. I think it's more of a comfort thing. But I really don't know if she's even being serious.

 

I don't see whee thre are mixed signals in any of what she said...every week was still the same message, "I am unsure of what I want" and there can be multiple reasons for that...of which she shared.

 

You probably could have been a bit more tactful in how you brought up the NC, sure...but you were a bit upset when you brought it up, so it may have come out a bit harsh. Don't beat yourself up over it.

 

Bottom line, you have to do what is best for you, and she has to do what is best for her...if you come back together sometime in the future, great for you...but I personally think you are better off moving on.

[ksk0_0]

Can someone PLS tell me what NC stands for? I've been wondering this for quite some time

[ticklebug]

no contact

[Mentor]

LOL, we should have a glossary of terms/abbreviations at the top of the page. I don't know how many times I have seen this question asked.

[detox5]

ABC, did you ever wonder that when your around, and shes thinkin all this stuff its hard for her. Kinda like your apart of the problem, tbh youve done things magically in my opininon.

I think it would be REALLY cool you just disapeared, them feelings will dwell on her i think, I think woman cant think ohh do i want him back dont i etc with us around. Keep out of the picture for a while.

 

Ive learned about the negative thoughts of woman, like for example, when she says ohh i dont think we should get back together, you say no no wait lets talk. Her negative thought just increase and it just makes her say no even more.

lol but have you tried agreeying with her, she says "i dont wanna get back together" and you say "i agree i think your right" 9/10 she will say well actually....

 

But tbh, i think you should just disapear, ive had amazin effects, when in your situation and just left them to it. like shes saying ohhh i dunno what to do, your mind should be set to, welll lol im not hanging about ill leave you to it. im gonna go do some cool stuff while u get yourself together, like going to gigs, hanging with friends.

 

Its in her court, I think yovue done really well though with saying that she shouldnt contact you unless shes serious, wish I had done that.

 

Det

[rich46]

You have done things perfectly in my opinion!

 

I did pretty much the same, although I only tried being my ex's "best friend" for a week or two. I couldn't handle it, and my true healing only started after I had initiated NC.

 

The pressure is off you now. You tried to be friends with her but she gave mixed signals, as my ex did too. Comments like "there's always hope" and "who knows what will happen in the future" and "I bet we do end up back with eachother" drove me mad. If my ex, or your ex, want us back so badly then they will come and get us. Give her all the space in the world and one way or another she will decide what it is she wants...and in the meantime you won't be getting drawn into the confusion.

 

Good luck and don't worry...you've done everything fine!

 

Rich

[a.d.c.]

I don't see whee thre are mixed signals in any of what she said...every week was still the same message, "I am unsure of what I want" and there can be multiple reasons for that...of which she shared.

quote]

 

Thanks for replying ticklebug.

 

I'm sorry but I was in a hurry to get to work so I left out a couple of things. Part of the reason I said she kept sending mixed signals is because her idea of "being friends" WASN'T to call and see how I was doing or to see how my day had gone. It was to call me on Sunday and see what I had done on the weekend. And her purpose was to accuse me of going to clubs and bars to ONLY get numbers and hook up with chicks. But in reality I was going more to just have fun with my boys and to get my mind off of all the stress that she was putting me through. Anyways she'd get mad and say I was getting over her too soon BUT it's OK for her to talk to her best friends brother on more than a friendship level?

 

I got so fed up with it all that I decided to just do NC for my benefit, with the possible benefit of her coming to her senses during this period and doing a complete 180.

 

Just to show how confused she is right now, when I last talked to her, she said she loved me and that she was gonna miss me and I could hear that she was about to cry. Eventhough she had said earlier that she indeed was talking to that guy. And eventhough she said that she did want to try and work things out in a few months when she doesn't have so many problems ie. debt, school, and parents possibly splitting up after Christmas.

[a.d.c.]

Detox, Rich thanks alot for replying.

I appreciate it. Both of you all really got me into feeling better about my situation and how i handled it. 8)

 

It's funny if you guys had only known my ex and me, You both would have thought that I was the immature one and that she was the one that had her head straight. But ever since we broke up it's totally been the other way around. I'm the one who has been straight up with her. I've been totally honest and very straight forward with what I want (a chance to make things right) and apologized for my behavior in the past. The last thing that I wanted is to get into arguments with her.

But she would only provoke them by accusing me of things that weren't true, like the whole going to clubs and bars to ONLY get numbers thing. She was getting jealous over nothing but she didn't expect me to get even a little agitated at her cuz she is talking to someone supposedly.

 

You'd think that after 2 years with someone you'd be able to get straight to the issues without playing these stupid games, but I guess not.

[rich46]

You certainly seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Yes your ex is obviously very confused right now, but doing NC will enable her to sort her own head out, and it will prevent you from resenting eachother. If I had stayed in contact with my ex over the last few months, I think a part of me would resent her because of the mixed signals. Now I look back fondly on her and I'm sure she feels the same about me...thankfully I didn't hang around to be the jealous ex-boyfriend.

 

Keep up the good work and things will sort themselves out in time...

 

Rich

[detox5]

Im confused, sorry if i missed something, but whats it got to do with her if you go to clubs and get girls numbers?

One you are not together, and B well its nothing to do with her, I dunno why she should be mad at you for kinda moving on and trying to date, but I think ive missed something heh

 

Det