Fudgie Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Moontiger, I'm sorry this happened to you but you handled it like a pro. I mean it, textbook case of "how to act in the best way possible". You were respectful but still stood firm by what you're comfortable with despite liking the guy and I really respect what you did. I really think you are going to find someone great! I really do. You're extremely smart and insightful. As a future thought, do you think you would bring up exclusivity sooner? I know there's no right/wrong answer here. What are your thoughts? Link to comment
Moontiger Posted April 14, 2014 Author Share Posted April 14, 2014 Moontiger, I'm sorry this happened to you but you handled it like a pro. I mean it, textbook case of "how to act in the best way possible". You were respectful but still stood firm by what you're comfortable with despite liking the guy and I really respect what you did. I really think you are going to find someone great! I really do. You're extremely smart and insightful. As a future thought, do you think you would bring up exclusivity sooner? I know there's no right/wrong answer here. What are your thoughts? I think now, with in the first few dates I would bring up the "What are you looking for?" question. I think it would scare some guys to say the E word to soon. By asking this question, its a little softer you know? EDIT: I woke up no thinking about him today. So that's a plus! Link to comment
Moontiger Posted April 14, 2014 Author Share Posted April 14, 2014 Today was a good day. Had lunch with a friend, on the way back to my car run into another friend, went to the gym found out I am very close to my goal body fat percentage, going to dinner with another friend of mine. He has crossed my mind as his birthday is tomorrow. But over all I think I'm going pretty well. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 Just un friended him from FB. Feels sad but also like the right thing to do. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment
professorplum Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 That kind of thing matters to some people so it could trigger a reaction. Not your reason for doing it I realise. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 That kind of thing matters to some people so it could trigger a reaction. Not your reason for doing it I realise. Hmm, I wonder if he will notice/care. Probably not. Link to comment
Rosti87 Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 It kind of takes awhile before people realized they have been unfriended on Facebook. There is no explicit notification and unless the person observes the details of their streams they may not discover it until weeks maybe months later. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 It kind of takes awhile before people realized they have been unfriended on Facebook. There is no explicit notification and unless the person observes the details of their streams they may not discover it until weeks maybe months later. True. And it doesn't really matter if he does notice it or not. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Given what happened, I think it would be foolish of him to contact you/give a reaction. So I don't think he will... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Hmm, I wonder if he will notice/care. Probably not. I wouldn't waste time wondering. He might or might not. He probably will care at least to the extent of the mild ego bruise since he wanted to keep in touch but I doubt you will know either way. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 Soooo....I have two dates this week. Link to comment
mhowe Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Soooo....I have two dates this week. Way to be depressed~ Link to comment
Moontiger Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 Way to be depressed~ Lol, I think I still am a little but things are moving forward. I'm not going to let some jack@$$ who didn't realize what he had ruin my life, ya know? Also a friend of mine just sent me this and my first thought was "This needs to be on the front page of ENA." link removed Link to comment
Rosti87 Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Soooo....I have two dates this week. You go girl! Link to comment
mhowe Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Lol, I think I still am a little but things are moving forward. I'm not going to let some jack@$$ who didn't realize what he had ruin my life, ya know? Also a friend of mine just sent me this and my first thought was "This needs to be on the front page of ENA." link removed That is hysterical --- especially the "milk". Link to comment
Moontiger Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 I know this will fade with time and since I de-friended him it shouldn't be a problem for very long but I am still VERY physically attracted to this ex. Its the one thing I have to give him, he is hot. Think a muscular Leonardo Dicaprio. Link to comment
mhowe Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 I know this will fade with time and since I de-friended him it shouldn't be a problem for very long but I am still VERY physically attracted to this ex. Its the one thing I have to give him, he is hot. Think a muscular Leonardo Dicaprio. I cannot think that and get any work done, thank you very much. Link to comment
Rosti87 Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 I know this will fade with time and since I de-friended him it shouldn't be a problem for very long but I am still VERY physically attracted to this ex. Its the one thing I have to give him, he is hot. Think a muscular Leonardo Dicaprio. Yeah that is quite tasty... LOL! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Lol, I think I still am a little but things are moving forward. I'm not going to let some jack@$$ who didn't realize what he had ruin my life, ya know? Also a friend of mine just sent me this and my first thought was "This needs to be on the front page of ENA." link removed Do you think he acted like a jerk because he should have told you sooner that he didn't see long term potential? Or not asked you to continue casually dating him? I can relate to your feeling angry but it's probably better for you if you can let that go, be ok with him not being on the same wavelength as you -otherwise you might even unwittingly project that kind of hostility/anger onto your upcoming dates (have fun on them!). Link to comment
Moontiger Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 Do you think he acted like a jerk because he should have told you sooner that he didn't see long term potential? Or not asked you to continue casually dating him? I can relate to your feeling angry but it's probably better for you if you can let that go, be ok with him not being on the same wavelength as you -otherwise you might even unwittingly project that kind of hostility/anger onto your upcoming dates (have fun on them!). I'm going to try! My anger is because he acted like a boyfriend. I forget if I already said this, but he would pay for everything, open doors, make time for me, send me a "good morning beautiful" text. So, in my mind, he was leading me on. If he didn't want something long term her should have 1) Told me. 2) Not acted like a boyfriend. He didn't consider how his actions would make me feel. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 Yeah that is quite tasty... LOL! Tasty is a good word for it. Again, he is HOT. But he just doesn't understand emotional needs/is not in a place where I will let him be a part of my life. Link to comment
mhowe Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 I'm going to try! My anger is because he acted like a boyfriend. I forget if I already said this, but he would pay for everything, open doors, make time for me, send me a "good morning beautiful" text. So, in my mind, he was leading me on. If he didn't want something long term her should have 1) Told me. 2) Not acted like a boyfriend. He didn't consider how his actions would make me feel. First, I am on Team Moontiger. However, he acted like a bf because he was a bf --- in a dating scenario. You were looking for a SO....or relationship. Not on same page. Right book ---- but chapters apart. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 I'm going to try! My anger is because he acted like a boyfriend. I forget if I already said this, but he would pay for everything, open doors, make time for me, send me a "good morning beautiful" text. So, in my mind, he was leading me on. If he didn't want something long term her should have 1) Told me. 2) Not acted like a boyfriend. He didn't consider how his actions would make me feel. Oh. I felt differently in that exact situation. I knew that unless we had the talk we were not exclusive (yet). It was one of the only times I focused more on words than actions. The last time I was in that situation he also happened to be very attractive and after almost 3 months of dating regularly I saw that he had signed on to the dating site on which we met within an hour after leaving my house. I asked him about it and he said "I am almost there but not quite - can we take some more time to date?" He also said he was not seeing anyone else (which I believed and was true). At around the 3 month point he showed me a very negative side of his personality (to say the least) and it was obvious that he had no interest in seeking counseling for that issue. I'll never know if he acted that way on purpose to get me to end things but I did end things. He was in touch about a week later trying to keep in touch but I declined. I wasn't angry with him even though he'd acted just like the guy you were dating because he never said we were exclusive (and we weren't sleeping together because I didn't have sex outside of an exclusive relationship). My letting it go and moving on smoothly made it easier when a few years later I saw that he was happily engaged (and now, apparently, happily married). Link to comment
Moontiger Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 I doubt I'll ever run into him again. I'm going to grad school in August for 10 months and then moving back to this area. We live an hour apart, only have one mutual friend, so I don't think I will be kept up to date on if he finds someone or not. I don't think I can let go 100% yet. I would say I am 70-80% of the way there though! Link to comment
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