I'm not in control pl help

[Lilliene]

Dear all. I'm in a relationship three and a half years now. The guy was non committal thru out. In the beginning did many disappearing acts n I used to run after him now beg him back. The catch was that I was doing very well in my career not he was not. Then fortunes reversed, he became successful suddenly not for the past one year although did not do a disappearing act but started to change. Now he is acting too busy even to call. I am devastated, on anti depressants n he tells me I should get over the feelings of love, yet he will always come when I will call. He made me so emotionally dependent on him n I'm going mad now. His current tenure of promotion expires after 8 months. Pl advice I fear I ll have a nervous b down.

[1a1a]

Sounds toxic. Cut him loose, run for the hills. Do a million you things, reach out to friends, join some kind of club (sport, reading, music listening, whatever takes your fancy as long as it's a group thing), take classes in something, go study, double down on the career and help it progress. Do not depend on this person at all!

[Edmund Exley]

Lesson learned. Don't run after someone who doesn't want to commit. He didn't make you emotionally dependent on him, you ran after him and emotionally attached your self.

[Lilliene]

I feel doing the same but then I feel anger and want to react he stuck to me like a label all the time he had nothing to do

[Lilliene]

He didn't let me out of my house for three days at a stretch when he was down. He made sure that he was the only one. Cut all my friends out of my life now here I am.

[1a1a]

It sucks to realise all this but there is an upside. You have awareness now, which puts you in a brilliant position to move on.

 

I prefer not to think of my time with a dud mate as wasted, everything we do teaches us things, about other people, about ourselves. It's where you go from here that matters.

 

With that aspect of control, sounds like he might have been a bit of a "Darth Vader boyfriend" (google "Reader Question #4: My friend is dating someone terrible, or, Secrets of The Darth Vader Boyfriend." if you haven't heard of the term before )

[Lilliene]

I don't know if I should really let him know what I think of him or just go silent. What is the best strategy.

[1a1a]

I would go silent It's about not investing anymore emotional energy in that person.

 

Don't have to ignore him, but also don't need to volunteer any information. Then it will either become a mutual fade or he will come a looking for affection when the mood suits him and that juncture you can tell him it isn't working for you and you'd like some space or something to that effect.

[catfeeder]

I don't know if I should really let him know what I think of him or just go silent. What is the best strategy.

 

Silently walk away. This guy has heard it all already.