idk how to just let go

[haml16]

Hi, I will try to keep this brief for you all! Thank you for listening!

This past summer I was with my ex for only 3ish months. But I fell for him. One day, I didn't hear from him. No text, no call. Nothing. One day turned into one week then two weeks etc. I found out that we were over when I went to a bar with some friends and saw him flirting with another girl. I was crushed; but didnt want some jerk to bother me. I tried to be strong; but I still can't help but wonder...what did I do wrong? Why did all the sudden, he stop talking to me? He didn't even have the decency to break it off by text or anything.

Now I'm with my current boyfriend. And he is everything Ive ever hope for. We have been together for about 3months. But I feel so anxious and insecure throughout this relationship. I feel like I'm not good enough for boyfriend and I am just waiting until he will be another jerk like my ex. This feeling of anxiety is really effecting my studying, self-esteem and maybe my feelings towards my boyfriend. I emotionally distance myself from him. I hate that I still catch myself thinking about my ex from so long ago when my current boyfriend is so much better! UGH. I always rethink why my ex did this to me. I was so kind and cared for him so much. How can I let this all go!?

I wonder if it is okay to talk about this to my current boyfriend. Or should I wait? I don't want it to seem like I'm still hung up on my ex. Cause I'm definitely not. If you have an advice that would be greatly appreciated!

[Steve107]

Sorry to hear you're going through this!

 

My ex left me about 3 months ago, and I also still think about her alot, same as you. I think it'd be better if you try to talk about it to your current boyfriend in a subtle way. If he loves you he'd understand. If you don't tell him anything, he doesn't know what's wrong and might get the wrong ideas about why you are so distant or behave the way you behave around him. Maybe it's a hard thing to do, but at least you'll be honest and it will get a load of your chest.

I also met another girl about a month ago, she was all into me and I also like her alot, but I told her about my situation, cause I don't think it's fair to her ( or any other woman for that matter) if she thinks we're having a good relationship while in my mind is still thinking about my ex. It's not that I want my ex back over her, but it's just the way it is.. the questions and all.

She understood, we aren't togheter as a pair, but we are still very good friends and that counts for something too imo... maybe later it will turn into something more.

I personally am not a fan to jump into another relationship when you haven't closed the former one in your head/heart, but if you want it to work, maybe it would be better to talk to him about it in a non-obsessed way, just tell what you feel in a subtle way and take it from there. Also about the waiting for him to be a jerk also, try not to think that way, I know it's hard maybe to think otherwise after you've been treated like that, but not all men are jerks and I think if you have that mindset already it's bound to doom.. I kinda believe in self fulfilling prophecies..

 

But that's just my opinion, in the end you'd do whatever you think is the right thing to do!

[haml16]

Thank you so much, your words really helped! Best of luck to you! I know everything will work out in the end!

[amipushy]

The guy was a jerk. He did what he did because its who HE IS not because of you or anything you did. As time goes by you will realise this yourself so there is no need to pass on your insecurities to your current boyfriend. Just be happy that you have found him and enjoy the relationship. Good luck!