Why, just why!

[mcgoldrick]

I'll try to be as brief and to the point as possible here.

 

So, there's this girl. Around a year and a half ago, we became great friends. I considered her my best friend, I mean, it was the only time in my life that I'd had a friend. A real friend at least. I'd always been a loner before her, and I've been a loner ever since. Don't know if she felt the same way about me. I mean, she was one of the most popular girls in school, always had someone or the other for her, someone she could talk to, someone she could hang out with. Me? I only ever had her. But it was fine. I was content. I wasn't looking for any more than I already had. Then came along the storm that wrecked us, or me at least. She got a boyfriend. And he became her priority over me. She started spending more and more time with him and lesser and lesser time with me. I became her second option. She said she was in love with him. I was broken. I have never felt this way for someone, and I don't think I will ever be able to feel this way for someone after this. I figured the only way I could get her back was by making her my girlfriend. Getting rid of the boyfriend. But I cared too much about her to break them up. But they eventually broke up naturally. I was happy that I could finally have her for myself. But she became distant. And she said she still loved him, and wanted him back. I was shattered. I was hoping for this day to come for the past few months, and I had never expected her to still be so stuck up about him. I went into a terrible depression, completely ended my social life, which, by the way, never recovered. I stopped getting out of the house, talking to people, I started ignoring her. I mean, all she had for me was pain. I couldn't bare any more of it. Months flew by, and she couldn't care lesser. Eventually, I thought that I needed closure. I needed to tell her how I felt about her, and I needed to ask her to be my girlfriend. It had already been 6 months we hadn't talked, but I started talking to her over text. It was just random stuff, I was only waiting for the right moment to tell her about how I felt about her. So I picked up the phone one fine day, and gave her a call. I was literally shaking. I gathered up the courage, and told her how I felt about her. She said she was still in love with her boyfriend, and didn't feel the same way about me. I was broken. But at least I tried. I started ignoring her again, and I've been ignoring her for the past 5 months now. I nearly forgot about her. Until she updated her profile picture on facebook a few days back. She is back together with that boyfriend of hers. He never really cared about her, but I've always felt the same way about her. My feelings for her haven't changed in over a year now, even though I haven't talked to her once in that time. Many girls hit on me during that time, one even asked me out, and I pushed them all away for her. I pushed away all my friends, everyone for her. And now, seeing that picture brought back all those same emotions I've had for her into the front of my head. I don't know what to do. She loves that guy. And I love her. It is for certain that I love her. And I know I will never love anyone again, not as much as her anyway. I look cute and I am a really nice guy. That is just what I'm told by other girls. But that doesn't matter. What she thinks of me is what matters to me more than anything else. And she doesn't even remember me anymore. Everything I've done in the past year, subconsciously, was an attempt to put her out of my mind, to forget about her, but I am back to stage 1 now. I lost everything I had and more in a recently failed venture, apart from my feelings for her. I got nothing to do all day long. I've been trying to get rid of my love for her for a year now, I can't carry this on any longer. I don't know what to do, but I can't keep ignoring my feelings for her any longer. What do I do?

[SooSad33]

I feel your expectations and the way you saw and felt for her were a little 'off'. She is supposed to be a 'friend', right? But then you 'felt' more. Yes, that'd make things harder to handle when that special someone gets involved.

You relied too heavily on her, instead of learning to be comfortable with yourself. Is there no way for you to be out there, making more 'friends'? Of course.. a female friend can and will get involved.

Sadly, it has come to this now, though.

 

It is common, after a BU to have them 'yearn' for that one they lost. (Again, she is only supposed to be your friend). Also, you can 'expect' something like a bit of distance when they find a partner, that always happens but yes, it IS good to also keep your friends...

 

All this time you've had a crush on here.. a fascination.. BUT she doesn't feel the same about you. This happens.

You fell for her and feelings weren't mutual.

 

I think from this time forward, you can maybe look at getting some help-counselling- as it sounds like you've hit a depression in your life. I feel you need to address these blocks on your life and work on 'accepting' these facts, healing and moving on.

As it sounds, no matter what she is not going to see you the same way...

 

As for her and her personal life? I think it's best for you to remove her from your FB etc, so you will NOT get any more reminders. Also, no matter what she is doing, it should have no affect on you. Whether he treated her well enough, or not.

Think about YOUR own life now and your future. This gal was only looking to be a friend, from the start. That was all.

 

You WILL love again. Once you can come to accept these facts, work on healing and LETTING GO.

It is a part of life. We do not get everything we want.

 

You can't keep ignoring your feelings for her? What is it you think you should do about that now?

As I suggested, i suggest some therapy/counselling to work on these issues you're having.

 

Just as I have had to spend the last 9 months working on 'accepting' my loss of a 5 yr relation. Yes, it has been awful.

I fell apart, I needed something for depression and am in therapy. It takes much time to accept and move on again, but really, we have no other choice. We can NOT 'make' someone love us.

 

I understand your pains.. and I do hope you can seek some help for this. Look into something, like I have. I know how

painful it can be. I've had a few losses and they never really leave my mind, but I have had to live with it.

 

Take care.. you're not alone.

Please think about this, seriously and get yourself some help.. to accept and let go.

You need a life of your own now.. and you can't get anywhere but sticking on to her. Time to let go and

take care of YOU now... right?

 

Gd luck.

[catfeeder]

I got nothing to do all day long.

 

This is the problem, not the girl.

 

Making one other person your whole life never goes well. Who wants to live under someone else's microscope?

 

This loner thing isn't working for you. I'd consider working with a therapist to learn how to expand my own world--my work, my social life, in that order.

 

Consider enrolling in school, and mental heath counseling is usually a free service to students. Consider doing ~anything~ but sitting around alone and focused on someone who's off living her own life. Build yours.