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Broke NC. Need some advice.


DiesPulchra

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Hey all,

 

So, if you look at my previous thread, I cut all contact with my ex. He tried reaching out to me, and I gently put him aside.

 

I actually did see him in person, and treated him nicely while making it clear I did not want to entertain a conversation with him.

 

Since all of this, my life has taken many amazing turns. My career took a huge up turn, I got two new jobs, and have really found peace in myself and discovered who I really am as a person. As all this was happening, I had one negative pull at my heart, and that was him. I feel like I never got closure, and I wanted to do that for me so I could continue moving in this positive direction. I sent him an email that essentially said that he and I had not been good friends or people to one another for a long time, and that I hoped he understood that. I apologized if I came accross as cold (which can sometimes happen without my meaning it), and that I don't hate him - that I do think of him and hope for the best for him.

 

It felt really satisfying to send, and I actually completely forgot about it. I figured the message didn't warrant a response and was close ended. Well, he responded. He said, "Thanks for the email and for being straight with me." He did say he understood, and offered that if I were in the area, he would like to catch up.

 

That last part really frustrated me. I seriously live only 15 minutes away, and it is so easy to meet anywhere for either of us! I responded saying that considering I'm finishing up my masters and working two jobs downtown, that I'm certainly in the area. I also told him to feel free to contact me should he want to make something happen.

 

That was about 2 weeks ago that I sent this email. I haven't heard from him since. I suppose the question I have is this: I'm legitimately going to be 2 minutes walking distance from where he is next Monday. Should I tell him I'll be around, or should I just go on my merry way? Knowing him, he is reluctant to initiate something, especially if he knows vulnerability or conflict may arise. I legitimately would like to see him to catch up, see what he may have to say about everything (if at all), and just see where things go.

 

Thanks again ENA.

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That was about 2 weeks ago that I sent this email. I haven't heard from him since. I suppose the question I have is this: I'm legitimately going to be 2 minutes walking distance from where he is next Monday. Should I tell him I'll be around, or should I just go on my merry way? Knowing him, he is reluctant to initiate something, especially if he knows vulnerability or conflict may arise. I legitimately would like to see him to catch up, see what he may have to say about everything (if at all), and just see where things go.

 

I was in a similar situation and I posted about it here. I was going to be around my ex's house last Saturday and I wanted to reach out to him to meet up (especially that I am leaving the country soon and I wanted to say goodbye in person). I got many replies and the summary of all of them without exception is: DO NOT DO IT! You made it clear that he can contact you if he's interested (which I did as well), now the ball is in his court. If he wants to see you, he knows how to reach you. Please save yourself a lot of heartache. This will set you back to the beginning of the healing journey and you've made so much progress already. I've made this mistake too many times and have been hurt way too often.

 

I am glad I haven't met my ex last week. It hurts and I still think of him all the time. But at least my self-respect is intact.

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Your feelings now are why you shouldn't have written that note in the first place. You didn't actually get closure -- if anything, you opened up another can of worms with that. Sounded like you were doing well at your own pace and if you would have kept at that pace, the emotional loose ends with your ex would have tied themselves over time. Now, you are back to that weird goofy breakup zone. At this point you need to stay silent and let him make a move if there's a move to be made. And you need to be careful with your response if he does make a move -- you can't get careless again.

 

You made a mistake. Don't compound it by chasing him in any way.

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