Aaron Hodges Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 As far as I know I'll never see her again. This is someone I planned to spend the rest of my life with. Even after everything she did, this thought still upsets me. How do you guys and girls cope with it? Link to comment
junebug123 Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 You don't cope, you just try to live and hope that life is worth living. Once you realized that you can live without this individual you get obsessed about the next beautiful thing on two legs and repeat the process. Link to comment
Kendahke Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 when it first happens, it feels like it tears out your visceral organs. As time goes by, you begin to accept that this is how it is going to be. Eventually, you find that the thought doesn't gut you the way it once did. Time is what helps, but it moves so slowly. Learning to give yourself over to the grace of accepting "what is" is what really helped me get through it. Clinging to "what you wished would be" is aka psychotic hope and it will lead you to do more damage and pain to yourself. Link to comment
toby4 Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 It's not something i want to forget, I've reached the point where i look back upon what i had and think about it with fondness. It takes time to turn your feelings from regret into rejoice but you'll get there be thankful for what you do have and the good that came of everything. Link to comment
Aaron Hodges Posted February 8, 2014 Author Share Posted February 8, 2014 It's not something i want to forget, I've reached the point where i look back upon what i had and think about it with fondness. It takes time to turn your feelings from regret into rejoice but you'll get there be thankful for what you do have and the good that came of everything. I used to hope that was how the memories could end up. But after I found out age left me for the guy she'd asked me to trust her with, all those memories have been tainted. Just the thought of what she did makes me sick, that I could have trusted her so much and been so blind to what was happening Link to comment
toby4 Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 My ex also did this, but still i find myself being able to look back at the good times as "good times"... maybe i'm too optimistic, but it's not something i'd change about myself. I love every bit of who i am Link to comment
Aaron Hodges Posted February 8, 2014 Author Share Posted February 8, 2014 My ex also did this, but still i find myself being able to look back at the good times as "good times"... maybe i'm too optimistic, but it's not something i'd change about myself. I love every bit of who i am Tbh I'm struggling to rediscover that ability to love myself. I'm struggling to remember those good parts of myself, struggling to remember that I'm not a worthless person. But its hard. So much of what I am became wrapped up in who we were. Link to comment
toby4 Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 Aaron you really got me thinking, what does it take to love myself and how has it improved my life so i made this post... hopefully it helps, even if it's just a little Link to comment
SpottiOtti Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 When someone betrays you, it tears up your self-worth. To get over it, you have to focus on rebuilding that. What things have you been doing to rebuild your self-worth since this happened? Link to comment
Juliette ne pas Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 Aaron, I am sorry I understand, I am grateful for the opportunity to vent/rant here and ask advice of others. I like you am trying to rediscover and learning to love me, such a foreign concept for me as I give my all to my ex and that I thought was the right thing to do and it therefore gave me feelings of contentment and self-worth....bad...I am now trying to correct over 25 years of wrong thinking and allowing what others, especially my ex, thought about me and treated me to determine my self-worth and my ability to love myself....I wish you the best... remember love your neighbor as YOURSELF....Yep we can't love others till we learn to love us, it's all airplanes and oxigen masks.. take care a friend. Link to comment
Aaron Hodges Posted February 8, 2014 Author Share Posted February 8, 2014 Thank you everyone for your kind words. I feel like she's done such a number on me. I just feel like such an idiot sometimes, looking back at all the signs I ignored because I just couldn't comprehend something like this happening I'm trying to do as much as I can to keep myself busy/improve my self worth. I've started volunteering at the zoo, going swimming with the dolphins today, trying to get a better job, getting things sorted out at home (just found a new flatmate), reconnecting with friends... Arg, but none of it seems to help when compared to the fact that the person I loved and trusted more than anything in the world just completely rejected everything about me for another guy. Aaron, I am sorry I understand, I am grateful for the opportunity to vent/rant here and ask advice of others. I like you am trying to rediscover and learning to love me, such a foreign concept for me as I give my all to my ex and that I thought was the right thing to do and it therefore gave me feelings of contentment and self-worth....bad...I am now trying to correct over 25 years of wrong thinking and allowing what others, especially my ex, thought about me and treated me to determine my self-worth and my ability to love myself....I wish you the best... remember love your neighbor as YOURSELF....Yep we can't love others till we learn to love us, it's all airplanes and oxigen masks.. take care a friend. Link to comment
silversoul Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 Thank you everyone for your kind words. I feel like she's done such a number on me. I just feel like such an idiot sometimes, looking back at all the signs I ignored because I just couldn't comprehend something like this happening It is because you trusted her so much. It is a very attractive quality, so don't feel like an idiot or anything like that. Don't call yourself names, you need to be kind to yourself Link to comment
SpottiOtti Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 completely rejected everything about me for another guy. Are you telling yourself that this means the other guy is superior to you? Is that true? Consider that one woman in a sea of 7 billion decided to spend time with him. The second part of this statement that you should consider is this: "rejected everything about me". Is that true? Are there parts of you which she valued and still does? Consider this: Is what you believe about yourself and your worth of value on its own, completely disregarding what one woman in a sea of 7 billion believes? Also: are there other reasons she might have chosen this guy, which have nothing to do with you and everything to do with her? Link to comment
Aaron Hodges Posted February 9, 2014 Author Share Posted February 9, 2014 Are you telling yourself that this means the other guy is superior to you? Is that true? Consider that one woman in a sea of 7 billion decided to spend time with him. The second part of this statement that you should consider is this: "rejected everything about me". Is that true? Are there parts of you which she valued and still does? Consider this: Is what you believe about yourself and your worth of value on its own, completely disregarding what one woman in a sea of 7 billion believes? Also: are there other reasons she might have chosen this guy, which have nothing to do with you and everything to do with her? You are so spot on with all of this. I just end up getting tied up in knots thinking about whether this guy is better than me or not It doesn't help that he is 100% physically superior to me. That has never mattered for me before, but it just makes me feel like crap now. When she left she said I was an amazing boyfriend and she'd been a terrible girlfriend. A week later she told me I was an amazing friend. Three weeks later she told me I was just amazing. But its just words. arggg And I know the biggest factor/catalyst for the whole breakup was that this guy could offer the opportunity to join the circus. I couldn't. But I loved her, I comforted her through hard times. But she just became so obsessed with her acrobatics (and the guy she was doing them with), between that and her university studies she completely wrote me out of her life. God I hate being alone. Link to comment
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