How to feel okay with SO watching porn?

[lerenard]

Hi OP,

 

I think there should be something you enjoy doing alone, and only alone, without your BF? Like watching particular shows he doesn't like but you love, or I don't know, you get the idea, I hope. Try to see porn as something he does, period. You shouldn't LOVE everything he does, but you need to accept it, if you want to have a life with that person.

Some people like hard core bdsm porn, but they chose the most gentle and lovely girl to be with them in REAL LIFE. And that real life is what really matters.

 

There should also be a type of porn YOU enjoy. Do you masturbate? If yes - what do you fantasies about? What makes you orgasm when alone? Think about it. Its not about being unsatisfied, its about not having your GF close to you, and choosing to take care of yourself to release tension. These women are not real in any way, he is not cheating on you by watching porn. We are not talking about obsession here, he does it sometimes, when you are not available for him.

 

Its funny, I think I never saw a thread here about a guy feeling sad that his girlfriend watches porn and masturbates... But women post stuff like that all the time! So my advice to you will be this - you love the guy, he loves you, you have a satisfying sexual life -make your peace with the fact that he watches porn, let it go, because obsessing about it only makes you sad and out of balance, he likes you the way you are, he touches YOU and makes love to YOU. That is what matters. Good luck!

[meoww]

A lot of men (and women) get desensitized to porn anyway so you might not even really have that much to worry about. Eventually it does seem like just another form of entertainment or leisure, like getting a massage or eating junk food. From that perspective, your boyfriend's use of porn has nothing to do with your relationship at all.

 

I actually think it's kind of funny that some responders have equated chick flicks with porn for women haha. Guys don't really get bent out of shape about women going to a movie theater, but I definitely think they would care if women were going to strip clubs and getting aroused en masse the way men do. The fact is that sexuality really is geared toward male satisfaction and domination in pretty much most of the world.

 

I think the reason why you have a hard time accepting porn being part of your boyfriend's life is because sometimes it really is hard. He's not 100% monogamous and porn is basically proof of that. He cares about you enough that he is willing to limit his non monogamous behavior to porn, which is at least something. If he really intended to use porn as a visual aid, he would do fine with naked pictures of you. But he doesn't because he really does like looking at other women and fantasizing about being with them. Who knows how he would really behave if our society didn't look down on having multiple partners, cheating, etc.

 

I'm nor trying to say that he doesn't value his relationship and love for you over his other sexual desires. He's made a choice to be with you. But I think it does shatter the romantic, pure intentioned fantasy that many of us have about romance. We don't really want things to be this way. If I had the choice, I would forgo porn and only be attracted to a partner who was equally attracted to me. Maybe someday you guys can even have that as your relationship matures.