Feeling confused and lost of what I should do?

[Azman]

Hello everyone, first of all first post and brand new to the site so hello to everyone!

 

Right; i guess the best place for any story to start, is at the start! - NOTE: our relationship is a very long distance one (different countries). Another NOTE: I would stay in majority of the time because if i went out with my best friend (a guy) that i would be wanting to talk and do things with other girls). This was (Happy to admit) my first girlfriend and I do not want to lose her.

We started talking accross the internet around about 6 months ago; and everything was going fantastic and we met for the first time; was amazing and I wouldn't have wanted anything to change...

 

We met a second time and she started becoming more private with everything, such as texting people and i would always see her smiling and things (i know seems a little strange on my bit that i got paranoid from this but I would always get accused of talking with different women if i didn't message her). This was infact her birthday that she came and visited and i gave her a heart-shaped pillow saying "i love you" and a teddy bear who was holding a heart-shaped pillow saying "i love you" too. There was also a very special keyring which had 2 pieces to it; one piece was a heart that had "i love" and the other was an arrow with "you" on it. We both keep different parts of this! And i also bought her a necklace that said "To the world your one person, but to me your the world". (she does not wear this - i can honestly say i have not seen her wear this). This time even when we came home from clubbing it was pouring down with rain and she was saying that her heels were hurting her - I then took my shoes off and walked home in bare feet whilst making sure she was comfortable and was warm and not getting too wet.

 

This time we met again; i went to her place (the other two times were my place) and i went for a lot longer than she had been visiting me for. This is where all the main problems started happening; I looked through her things and checked her profile and saw she sent a picture accross to another man. I said whats this and of course she explained and then got very angry with me and said "why are you looking through my things; its my privacy and my business, i've lost my trust with you...". Now i understand how bad it sounds about invading her privacy but the bottom line is that she was sending pictures to another man; and I would simply not make a big deal of it... And why should there be THIS much secrecy? I mean... I quite happily let her look through my messages; have ALL my passwords and I never feel that I should hide things from her!

Anyway; things after this went from bad to worse from day to day where I felt i couldn't talk to her, and i still was staying at her place for another 3 weeks! as things went on, she would constantly pick up on small things that i would accidently do. Such as forgetting to fold my clothes before going to bed, little things such as these led to her getting more and more angry with what happened on the night where even myself would agree that i ruined everything that happened... She said to me "I cannot accept mistakes like these in my life, they aren't acceptable". as time passed more and more little things would constantly annoy her such as occasionally walking a little bit behind her - please keep in mind that i LOVE holding her hand and holding her as we're walking along (i'm a mushy guy! haha)

Again little things were happening and a week passed... As i was about to go to sleep she said one night "can we have a talk; and we had a MASSIVE argument about everything and that apparently nothing was working out because of MY mistakes." I then got sent home a week early which cost a lot of money to change my ticket to get home.

The next week was perfect and she is getting contacted by her ex-boyfriend everyday with phone calls; both speaking a different language that i cannot understand. I also get "asked" if she can send a picture to ANOTHER ex-boyfriend; me being me, of course said sure why not (i would do anything to make sure she was happy). So, after the next week being so nice with smiles and laughter she then says to be after i do something wrong that it "reminds her of her ex-boyfriend" and that she is afraid that i would keep making these "mistakes" over and over again if we stayed together. Therefore that once i left; that would be it and that we would still "talk" but not as lovers.

 

We get to the airport and i tell her that i really would miss her and no matter what has been said i still love her... whatever happens. and she kisses and hugs me and tells me i love you too... I pass through departures and turn around to see her walking away (very horrible moment for me). As i arrive back at my place i read a message that said "the journey home was sad, and the bed feels empty" and then another saying i miss you terribly... I replied "well i could still be there..." and she replied "i regret it!

Ever since then she has been EXTREMELY bitter with me and its been 2 weeks since i was last there with her. I REALLY don't want us to end because i love her so much and care so much for her. She tells me a week after i get home that she meant what she said when we was at her place and that she could "never forgive my mistakes because her heart is broken". She then went on to say "i care for you... i can only say we can be friends". I see sometimes that she has the presents i got her placed on her bed... i then asked her (this is yesterday) if she still thinks about me and does she miss me, she replied "of course i do". I keep getting ignored and maybe this is her way of saying "its properly over"????

This is where i am now, feeling VERY depressed and not sure what to do - Even if there is a one in a million chance we'll be back together I would take it everyday...

 

I am not a bad person, I HAVE NOT and NEVER WILL ever cheat on her; I HAVE NOT and NEVER WILL speak badly of her - because to me, she is a fantastic person and I really wished I could make her realise that and what she means to me before its too late. Please may someone help because i am so unsure what to do. I ALWAYS try and make her feel like a princess and it is getting harder and harder to accept that she maybe gone forever; but i just want her back... I miss hearing her voice just before i sleep and when i wake up - because it simply gave me the motivation to push through my day and perform to the best of my ability! Of course i have spoken with people around me however they do not make it easy and do not understand what she means to me... No matter what she does; no matter how angry i feel, she would always put a smile on my face just seeing her... Or even just hearing her voice - Everywhere i go just reminds me of her nowadays and i want to smile wherever i go knowing that I done this with MY girlfriend here and we laughed about this here too!

 

Thank you so much to whoever reads this - very long and much appreciated! Any sort of advice or anything is much appreciated.

[mmnyc5052]

It seems, by reading this, it is a rather immature relationship. It is still new, 6 months, and she is giving you shade -- sent you home early on a very expensive trip because of an "unacceptable mistake." Honestly, it probably wasn't great you looked thru her things but given that you'd spent a lot of money and effort to be a great boyfriend to her, and she is…sorry…cheating behind your back, but I see more fault in her. She seems a bit immature for this kind of relationship. Who asks their current boyfriend if they can send pictures of themselves to ex boyfriends?? In what universe is that okay? Why did she need to send these photos?

 

I think you are infatuated with her. I don't necessarily believe it's love. You do a lot of nice things for her - what has she done for you to show her love? I am not sure how old you two are but I think it may be time to leave her and let her grow up. Long distance is hard; I know from experience. The only way we survived (and we were in the same country, just opposite ends, mind you) is because I ended up moving back home to be with him (among other reasons, job, family, friends). Do you talk or have you talked about a point where you'd be together in the same country? Or is it indefinite? She may have just seen this as a dalliance, and is really not over her ex's or has interest in guys she is sending pictures to.

 

I say this with empathy but I think you are a surefire product of "love is blind." Now, even after discovering her sneaky ways and secret messages with other men, you are still ready to kiss the ground she walks on. Why? Do you not believe you deserve more?

 

I would say it is time to bow out. I mean, if I had put that much effort into someone I knew 6 months and was sent home early from a costly vacation with them, I'd forget it and move on. There are plenty of women out there you can click with or find beautiful or love that are nearer to you and less immature.