Help, any advice?

[palex89]

Hello all,

 

I hope someone can give me a helpful tip. I have been going through a hard time lately, mainly because I have begun to feel really lonely. I have a lot of friends and I see them often, my parents are great and love me very much, but I really feel like I need someone to love me romantically. I have never had a boyfriend, I have had very few serious suiters, and I am 24 years old. I know that I'm a bit strange, kind of intimidating and a little difficult at times. However I know many people that are far more difficult than I am who have significant others.

 

I know that this isn't something I should force, and the fact that I'm thinking about it so much lately probably only makes it worse, but I just can't stop! I think about it all the time.

 

Anyway, I'm hoping that it will happen at some point, but I don't want to be obsessed and understand that it might not happen at all.

 

My question is, does anyone have any advice on how to get this subject out of my brain? I keep trying to focus on work and on working out and reading and going out with friends but it's always in the back of my mind!! Extremely annoying!

 

 

Thanks

[ThatwasThen]

What, if anything have you actually done to put yourself out there so that potential suiters know you exist? Can't expect them to fall into your lap while you're sitting on the couch gaming or watching television.

[palex89]

Hahaha that's not the case! I go to art exhibits, parties, picnics and other social events all the time! They definitely know I exist, they just don't seem interested.

 

I do know that I'm terrible at flirting hahaha, I tend to become friends with guys really quickly but never get them to see me in a romantic way. Now that I think of it, when I like someone I act really aloof and basically stop talking with him and being with him at social events. So obviously after a while they stop trying and move onto someone else.

 

Also my best friend is super super flirty and sexy and every guy wants to have sex with her. I definitely wouldn't like to be seen like that, but I think she probably overshadows me in that sense, or maybe I get a not-so-good reputation for being best friends with her, if you know what I mean.

[mhowe]

It is not your friends behavior that is affecting your ability.

If you act aloof and stop hanging out with boys that show interest... it is your behavior and until you change THAT.... nothing will change.

[ThatwasThen]

Hahaha that's not the case! I go to art exhibits, parties, picnics and other social events all the time! They definitely know I exist, they just don't seem interested.

When you are closed off as you describe yourself to be in the next paragraph, then it's natural that they don't show you interest. People want to approach people that appear fun and interesting.. those that are approachable, get approached.

 

I do know that I'm terrible at flirting hahaha, I tend to become friends with guys really quickly but never get them to see me in a romantic way.

Then stop being friends with them until after you've dated them romantically and they want you for more then a friend. You can get them to ask you out romantically by acting open, approachable and by showing them in body language that you're interested in them. There are books out there on how to do this without looking like the girl you describe below.

 

Now that I think of it, when I like someone I act really aloof and basically stop talking with him and being with him at social events. So obviously after a while they stop trying and move onto someone else.

Well this is an epiphany that you shouldn't ignore. Why do you do that?

 

Also my best friend is super super flirty and sexy and every guy wants to have sex with her. I definitely wouldn't like to be seen like that, but I think she probably overshadows me in that sense, or maybe I get a not-so-good reputation for being best friends with her, if you know what I mean.

I think its because of your own behaviour that you have no luck, not because she's your friend. Pay attention to that epiphany, Op.