Lovestoned26 Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 For the past three years I've been in law school, made two moves accross states, entered into a long-distance relationship, and have come to grasps with the fact that life will never pan out the way we expect it to. With all that said, I've had to deal with a crap ton of issues AND my relationship is clearly a contributing factor to my constant state of sadness. My girlfriend and I used to talk about everything for the 1st year and then came the 2nd year...now my worries about the future have become an issue or telling her that something she's said or done has hurt my feelings turns into "you're saying I'm not measuring up." On too many occasions I've asked her how exactly do I approach the subject and she's says that we can talk about it in a positive way where I'm not being all super aggressive about the topic. The issue is that I've done just that and it's had the EXACT same outcome. Well this evening I was honest with her about why I haven't been myself for over a year: I confided in her that I've been depressed for a year now because we fight a lot about dumb things, she has a ridiculous double standard and it hurts me (for example, she can tell me when I've disappointed her but when I do the same she tells me that no one wants to hear how they're not measuring up), with all the life issues I have to deal with my relationship should be a place of solace but it isn't and so on. Her response was: "I think you need a break from this relationship." Am I doing the relationship thing wrong? Should we never tell our partner when they've failed to do something? Like call, text, take out the garbage, watch the kids, *insert any other example here*....I don't know! Should I take my expectations and shove them? Link to comment
Lovestoned26 Posted January 27, 2014 Author Share Posted January 27, 2014 So no one has any advice on what to do with a partner who feels constantly criticized but has no issues criticizing others? Okay thanks. Link to comment
icecreamaddict Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 So no one has any advice on what to do with a partner who feels constantly criticized but has no issues criticizing others? Okay thanks. Give people some time to reply.... I'm a little confused by your first post. Your girlfriend accuses you of criticizing her or vice versa? Are you asking for help with how to communicate better? Also, have you been diagnosed clinically with depression or are you just diagnosing yourself? If you actually believe you have depression I think you should first talk to your doctor and see what can be done and maybe consider seeing a therapist to work through the issues causing you depression. Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 No, but you might take your attitude and use the shovel. And I think that you are blaming your feelings on her --- you are hurt, you are depressed.... With all that said, I've had to deal with a crap ton of issues AND my relationship is clearly a contributing factor to my constant state of sadness. I agree with your gf --- you need a break from the relationship. Link to comment
Lovestoned26 Posted January 29, 2014 Author Share Posted January 29, 2014 Give people some time to reply.... I'm a little confused by your first post. Your girlfriend accuses you of criticizing her or vice versa? Are you asking for help with how to communicate better? Also, have you been diagnosed clinically with depression or are you just diagnosing yourself? If you actually believe you have depression I think you should first talk to your doctor and see what can be done and maybe consider seeing a therapist to work through the issues causing you depression. Gf accuses me of constant criticism over the smallest things. For example it's okay for her to go into detail about her dissatisfaction with the tone that I use when I'm passionate about a topic and ask me to change it BUT it's not okay for me to tell her that she's hurt my feelings about something she's said. If I do it becomes a big deal and the fact that she hurt my feelings in the first place is not even addressed; the whole focus is on the fact that I am confronting her about something that she's done wrong. My background is mental health so unfortunately I am aware of what depression looks and feels like. Unfortunately I've known for some time and thought that continuing to talk and learn how to communicate would work but it just continues to make matters worse. Link to comment
isaacsaysno Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 hi! i haven't been on this site for a while, but i just checked in and read your post and wanted to offer my sympathy. it bothered me seeing that nobody's posted anything even remotely supportive in reply to your thread. i think you should break up with your girlfriend, as hard as that probably sounds. i am dealing with depression and mental health issues too and i know it's really hard. your girlfriend sounds like she is projecting all her issues on you and isn't allowing you to have emotions...she sounds like she's emotionally abusive. i also understand why people put themselves in such situations; my mom was really abusive to me growing up so i have a natural instinct to repeat that pattern by finding people who will treat me similarly to how she used to and trying to change them... anyways, as i said i'm dealing with depression so i don't have many words right now but you should know you're not alone. that's what this site is all about, right? you can choose to take yourself away from people who abuse you now. please get away from your girlfriend so that you can someday have somebody who actually listens to you. Link to comment
Lovestoned26 Posted February 11, 2014 Author Share Posted February 11, 2014 Thank you very much for your kindness and sympathy. Thank you. As for your depression, I wish you nothing but success as I know you'll pull through Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.