Should I break up with him? I don't feel wooed.

[freaking]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months. He lives 160 miles away so we don't get to see each other more than one or twice a month but when he visits he stays fri-sun. He came to visit this weekend and we did absolutely nothing to celebrate my birthday which is in 3 days. I know it's not fair but I can't help but compare him to other boyfriends and how they have celebrated my birthday. In the past others have done things like made me a birthday cake, rented my favorite movie, taken me to dinner or taken me to a theme park. I'm not saying I want him to make an elaborate gesture but I feel he could have made some effort given the proximity to my birthday. He did bring me a birthday present which was a pearl necklace but the last time I saw him I specifically told him I did not like pearls because I was raised to consider them unlucky. It would have made me very happy had he just brought me a birthday cupcake or given me a birthday card. I feel my boyfriend is not making any effort. Am I being silly? Do I have a right to be wooed without asking for it?

[Ms Darcy]

I think it's better to talk to him about what you want before breaking up with him. At least give him an opportunity to do so.

[SooSad33]

I'm wondering if him getting you the pearls was just a mistake? He may have heard you wrong..?

Otherwise... getting you such a nice gift, I'd say he DID make an effort- and a nice one! Especially for it being only 4 months!

Did you say anything re: wanting a cake or getting a movie? If now, how is he supposed to know this?

 

As for your 'expectations' with your b-day coming up, you can not expect him to think or do such things as you want, this early in the game, i feel. Appreciate what you did get and what he did give you. Kindly keep it in the box as something 'special' from a nice guy.

 

Do NOT compare the poor guy to other's.. that is not right. Are you sure you're ready for him?

[annie24]

many cultures think pearls are unlucky - they think it brings tears. well, it definitely brought disappointment in your case. i would feel upset if i specifically told a guy, "I don't like xxxx" and then he brought me just that. It's either that he totally ignored me, or he's being passive aggressive. Neither a good thing.

 

160 miles is a long way. The plus side is that he came and brought you a gift. Do you think that the relationship can withstand this distance?