I miss my best friend so much...help :(

[Jamie24]

Hi everyone,

 

My name is Jamie and I am 24 years old. I met my best friend Amanda when I was 18 years old, we were the best of friends for 6 years. From the moment we met, we just clicked, she became like my sister. We know every little thing about each other, have so many good memories, good times, fights, hard times, everything. I got close with her family and she got close with mine. We would spend every waking second together. Then about 2 years ago she met this girl Jessica at work, they started to hang out all the time, i would hang out with them too. I never really got close to Jessica, we were just friends through my best friend.

 

As time went on they got close and Jessica started calling Amanda her best friend. It bothered me but Amanda would always say "i have never called Jessica my best friend, she calls me hers but shes not mine" but its still just annoying. Amanda talks crap about Jessica behind her back all the time. But it feels like mine and Amanda's friendship has started to slowly drift apart and fade and she now does all the things we used to do together but with Jessica.

 

They hang out every single day, go out every single weekend and don't invite me, post pictures on Facebook captioned "besties!" or "besty night out" or statuses about their jokes and stuff. They have wine nights, movie nights, literally everything Amanda and I used to do.

 

I was talking to Amanda a few days ago and I said something and mentioned, "well at least when we used to be best friends" and she goes "key word, used to be" and I said "I know" and she said "good". That crushed me, even though I felt that way ever since Jessica came around.

 

I have been depressed and cry every day. I really miss my best friend so much and I want her back more than anything. I never thought a friendship could cause such heartbreak, but I am heartbroken last month it was Amanda's birthday and for her birthday we would always celebrate together the day before and the day of. This year she didn't even invite me to party with her the night before, but her and Jessica did. I went to her birthday on the day of, but I just felt like a 3rd wheel hanging out with two best friends. They kept taking pictures and leaving me out, putting them on Facebook, and not including me in any of them .

 

I have always been such a good friend to Amanda. I always have been there for her, I always put her before anyone else. We used to text 24/7, talk on the phone, hang out all the time, and now that's all gone but she has that with Jessica.

 

It kills me to get on Facebook every day and see their pictures and statuses and all that. It really kills me and I don't know what to do. I have other friends but I hang out with them and can't have fun because I just miss my best friend, my sister, my other half.

 

We had so many plans for the future, like moving to a different state, being roommates, all that. I absolutely hate Jessica because she stole my best friend I've ever had. I also hate myself because they would have never met if it wasn't for me.

 

Amanda is super unemotional and never expresses any feelings so I can't tell her how I feel because she will just say "oh god I don't wanna hear it" or something along those lines. She would never admit it if she missed me or anything.

 

What can I do? I am seriously so sad and lonely, I can't stand it. I wish she would just realize that she will never have a friend like me because I have been a good friend to her, I wish she would think about our friendship, and the past, and think of how she messed up and decided that I am her best friend. Or that Jessica would do something to make Amanda mad and realize she misses me. I don't know what to do or how to deal with this...please help? no rude comments please. I just want advice

[missmarple]

I'm so sorry you're going through this...especially because 20 years ago, I could have written this post.

 

My situation was almost identical to yours. Best friends with a girl since we were 14, classmates, sat on the same desk, did everything together, she slept over at my place, I did at hers...her family took me with them on outings, my family took her with us on holidays. etc. Because I'm an only child, she was like the sister I never had. Then, when we turned 18, she started hanging out with a girl she met through her cousin. Just like you, I never became 'friends' with the other girl and my friend, just like Amanda, always complained to me about that other girl. However, all of a sudden, it was always 3 of us..always. For a long time, I blamed the other girl for 'stealing' my friend (who, by the way, was also super unemotional and never expressed her feelings). It all came to a head when we were all 25. We had planned a summer holiday for the town where I'd gone to university...I had called old uni friends to tell them we were going and I was very excited about it.

About a month before the holidays, we were looking into hotels and stuff when, out of the blue, they announced to me they had changed their mind and decided to go somewhere else instead. Needless to say I was heartbroken and told them that since they decided without even saying a word to me, I didn't feel like going with them at all. After that incident, I kept going out with them until they left for that holiday but it wasn't the same.

My friend never called me when she came back from her holiday and I didn't either...and I haven't seen her since.

It's been 20 years since I last saw her but it still hurts me (it took me years to get over it...much longer than it ever took me to get over a guy). A few months ago I found out she's married and lives in another town now and I sent her a message but she never replied.

I wish I had some advice to give you but the only thing that worked for me was time and making new friends. However, I never got so close to another friend again, I've always kept some distance emotionally. If I learned something from that friendship was that you can never be sure about someone and that you must teach yourself how to move on. My friend wasn't really my best friend, after all, and Amanda wasn't really your best friend either. It's tough but there's nothing you can do about it.

 

Hugs

[limichelle31]

I had a friendship of seventeen years end in 2007 and I'm still not over it. I think when friendships go bad or break off it can be worse then what a guy puts you through especially long-term and so much history behind it. It does get easier, you have to accept some friends are meant to leave your life. Just hang onto the good memories because that's what pulls you through when you end up missing her. I looked up my friends as well and they are both doing good which makes me happy and I wish them the best. People walk into your life for a reason even if they were never meant to stay.

I wish you the best.

Lisa

[Jamie24]

I'm so sorry you went through the same thing it really does hurt more than anything guy could put you through. I have never been so heartbroken and hurt.

Amanda still texts me sometimes, but it's not the same.

I talked to one of my friends who also lost her best friend and she told me the same thing, only time will help. Her and her best friend were inseparable. I was friends with both of them and it's weird to see how they just drifted apart. But she told me she still has hope and prays every night that her and her best friend will be friends again. She told she thinks that me and Amanda will be friends again because a friendship like her and Jessica seems fake.

I guess I still have some hope left...

Thanks for your advice

[Jamie24]

I'm so sorry you went through the same thing it really does hurt more than anything guy could put you through. I have never been so heartbroken and hurt.

Amanda still texts me sometimes, but it's not the same.

I talked to one of my friends who also lost her best friend and she told me the same thing, only time will help. Her and her best friend were inseparable. I was friends with both of them and it's weird to see how they just drifted apart. But she told me she still has hope and prays every night that her and her best friend will be friends again. She told she thinks that me and Amanda will be friends again because a friendship like her and Jessica seems fake.

I guess I still have some hope left...

Thank you both for your advice

[KarenC]

I'm sorry that you have deal with this but it's just a part of life. Amanda said something's to you that should have woken you up but it seems as though you're still asleep. Listen to her...She wants out and has outgrown you so let it be!!! She's mean, inconsiderate, unkind towards you and harsh, and most of the time it's hidden hatred or argue exposed at the most awkward times with mean and cruel words and acts if/when they find a bully to join them. She know that she's hurting you with the photos, posts of Facebook, etc., and I would delete the hell out of her and block her too because she doesn't care how you feel. BTW, if the two of you were ever friends again it wouldn't be the same so I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like her. Also, if you were to ever talk to the other girl I can almost bet you that she'd tell you some of things that Amanda has told her about you that would crush you. She's a two-faced woman and she'll only deal and/or either include you for the benefit of getting something out of you in the future.