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Too much positive information (disability)


Molloy

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So I think some people might wish they had this problem but I'm not sure what to do. I'm getting too much positive interaction and have no idea if anybody might actually be interested in me.

 

A little background to have that make more sense. I have SMA (spinal muscular atrophy) and use a scooter, essentially a motorized wheelchair, but I like scooters better. Until a few years ago, I was continually getting worse and so wasn't very interested in a relationship since it never felt right for me to be with someone then be like "oh next year I won't be able to walk". I've finally stabilized and should be more or less the same for the next 20+ years: it's not a great state but at least I'm not worried about any new life-altering changes and so I can say to someone "this is how it is and will be".

 

So the last year I've started going out to bars and clubs and trying to meet people and have a good time. And I've been having a ton of fun and people have been great towards me. But that's also the problem, everybody is super nice to me. An example: a few weeks ago I went to a club and had 5 different people kiss me on the cheek (4 girls and 1 guy), about 20 people offered me drinks, probably another 20 said hi or talked to me in some way, and even had a girl chase me down outside after I left to get my number (I know she just wanted to be friends for sure though).

 

I feel like I'm being overloaded with positive interactions. Any suggestions on how to tell if someone is just being nice to the handicapped guy because he's out or if there's some real interest there? I've often seen people say to smile at someone and if they smile back they're interested, but everybody smiles back at me. I'm not complaining about people being nice to me at all. I do like interacting with everybody, but I also wish I could tell if there was something more to it. Since I can't tell the difference I tend to talk to everybody the same way and I might've possibly pushed somebody away that would have otherwise been interested in me.

 

If you saw a guy in a wheelchair out and decided to talk to him, what would you do differently if you were simply saying something nice or if you were trying to show interest in him?

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Quit worrying and looking for signs or trying to decipher what others are thinking. The only thing you need to do is ask yourself, "do I like this girl?" If yes, then go ahead and ask her for her number, call her up, ask for a date. She might be willing or she might reject you or she might say yes and then evaporate, etc. It doesn't matter whether you are disabled or not, when it comes to love and dating same rules apply and same problems. You just have to go for what you want until you get it.

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That's a really good question because if I see a guy in a wheelchair in a club, i will totally smile at him because i love it when I see people being with challenges living their lives instead of sitting at home wallowing. If he was my type and I was single, the wheelchair wouldn't be an issue for me. I used to go to a gym where people in wheelchairs worked out and some of the guys were total eye candy!

 

I guess it's like with any guy, you just won't know until you try.

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Quit worrying and looking for signs or trying to decipher what others are thinking. The only thing you need to do is ask yourself, "do I like this girl?" If yes, then go ahead and ask her for her number, call her up, ask for a date. She might be willing or she might reject you or she might say yes and then evaporate, etc. It doesn't matter whether you are disabled or not, when it comes to love and dating same rules apply and same problems. You just have to go for what you want until you get it.

 

Yeah, I should do that. I guess I've sort of been thinking I'd rather not make them have to reject me and feel bad when all they were doing was trying to say or do something nice for me.

 

That's a really good question because if I see a guy in a wheelchair in a club, i will totally smile at him because i love it when I see people being with challenges living their lives instead of sitting at home wallowing.

 

Please don't take my question as any indication that you shouldn't do this. Like I said, I have a lot of fun when I go out and a big part of it is everybody smiling and being nice to me, even if it makes one aspect of it a bit confusing.

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Don't assume that people are smiling at you because you are disabled. They are smiling at you because you are an engaging person, so they are drawn to you. As for rejection, well like I said you'll just have to face what every guy does - enthusiastic yes, fun dates, mysterious disappearances shortly after. Just read around here how many posts about had a great date, felt great connection and then she won't respond to anything and just disappeared. One thing about rejection is women are quite used to doing it and some will be nice and direct while others not so much. Either way, if you want to find the right one, you have do what you have to do.

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I think the same guidelines apply as far as touch when I'm interested in a guy I will not be uncomfortable touching him on the arm or leg when talking and I wouldn't be uncomfortable if he did the same. If I was just talking or smiling to be nice the slight touch would catch me off guard and I might pull away slightly.

 

Also just me but if a guy was in a scooter/wheelchair and I was interested I would probably sit near him to be on his level so that I could lean in and get closer to him. When both people are standing you just stand closer when one is sitting it changes things.

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