My Marriage and Where I Stand Now

[niedowiarek]

Advice? I will take it.

 

Ok, we have two children, aged 11 and 14, which makes this more difficult.

 

The past 5 years she has displayed a mean temper on and off of arguments, likes to force guilt upon me, and has told me, on and off, that she is no longer happy and wants a separation/divorce.

 

This got me thinking. So I drove one day back in January up the mountain and did some serious soul-searching.

 

I discovered that I was not happy. I started to hate coming home at night, with the exception of seeing my children. I go out one night a week for band practice. Even that is looked upon by her as something I shouldn't be doing. She doesn't like music. I think she's heard me play out two times.

 

I began telling her that I wasn't happy as well, and that maybe a trial separation is a good idea, but all of a sudden she doesn't want to separate. I am left with a burden of guilt. I do still love her to a certain extent but even the most infintissimal display of affection has all but disappeared from our marriage. I don't want to do this, but what about 10 years down the road?

 

Are there other men out there who are going through the same thing that I am? If so, share your thoughts here, offer advice on how to rid oneself of guilt.

 

PS - I am moving out effective June 1st into an apartment that is 14 miles away from the house.

[ykcir]

It seems like her claims of wanting a separation/divorce were a cry for attention. Obviously if she really wanted to split she would have jumped at the chance when you gave it to her. You have told us all her short-comings but what about you. What part have you played in creating such a distant and unsupportive relationship. Have you ever told her how much it would mean to you to have her there when you play? You say that you love her somewhat so maybe this relationship can be saved. You both need to communicate your true feelings to each other because that way at least you can give the other person a chance to change behavior that is unwelcome or to continue to do the things that please each other. Granted, things might not change but until you let your wife know what you want how can she give it to you and vice versa. All marriages go through what you describe but again, I think the tell-tale sign was when you told your wife you wanted a separation too and then her real feelings became apparent. Well, I hope things work out for you.