My birthday is tomorrow and I feel so bad

[CleoC]

Today is a very bad day.

It's been a little more than 3 months since the break up and I'm starting to feel better. But these last few days were completely awful.

 

Tomorrow is my birthday. Four months ago my ex boyfriend invited me to go on a trip with him on January so we could be together on my birthday. I was saving money. And we used to talk about the places we would visit and the things we were going to do. I was so happy. It was going to be the first holidays we would spend together. Then he left.

I accepted the break up, I'm in a better place than 2 months ago and I'm starting to heal. But this week is horrible. I've been having nightmares again. All I think about is that I would be with him right now in another country if this wouldn't had happened. And I'm in my house feeling sad when he is in his holidays probably having fun.

I know you probably would say that I should focus on me, which is true. But all I think is that it's not fair. I don't deserve all the pain I felt these months. I was a really nice girlfriend, I loved him very much and I did so many things for him. I accepted a lot of things I didn't like about him (like being jealous without a reason) because I loved him and I wanted our relationship to work. But at the end he wasn't happy anyway and he left me. He left me and started dating another girl, which I'm sure he met while he was with me, even if he said he didn't (I know he wouldn't had left me if he hadn't anyone around).

 

So I think it's not fair. Why everything has to be so good to him? I know I was better with him than he was with me. Why I have to feel like I do when he is so much better? I know I'm probably better off without him but why he can leave without any consequence? He has a new woman while I can't even think about dating.

 

I'm going on a trip the day after my birthday. I can't stay in my house right now. And I have some plans for the future but I can't take this awful feeling inside me. I don't want to take revenge or anything like that at all. I only wish everything wasn't that easy for him!

 

Sorry for my bad english.

[Lucha]

I have to cope with the same feelings you do, but see you don't know that he is having fun, or that he's feeling good or whatever.. He is out of your life, so he can't hurt you anymore. The pain you are feeling right now comes from within you, caused by all the memories you still have of him. For all you know his new relationship might not be so good at all.. But it is your mind tricking you into believing that he has this perfect life right now. I feel for you and I have been going through the same 'it's not fair'-feelings. I still think it is not fair, bc just like you I was a nice gf. Sweet, loyal, etc. So I like to believe that one day karma will get them but then I find myself thinking what have I possibly done to deserve this. Other people on this forum like to call it 'the victim mentality' and apparently it is no good. We should get rid of it.. but how?

[Lucha]

Oh and btw, happy birthday for you tomorrow! I hope you can find something that you like to do that can distract your mind from the pain for awhile.

[Twidom]

Aw sweetie I know it's hard but you have to pull together

 

Happy Birthday btw Life isn't fair sometimes and people are not fair too Where are you going to? And yeah all the pain is not fair too...But you'll come out as a stronger person

[H3nk1]

I will join this festive thread and say my birthday is in two days. After the most horrible holiday ever it feels like insult to injury. I too find the contrast to her and her happy, partying facade is truly gut-wrenching. I have been NC since Dec 24th ( BU Dec 14th), the last time I checked her FB before blocking she was pouring champagne in a designer dress I gave her, in some fancy club. Just great.

 

I blame myself though, for loosing the girl I love.

 

Anyhow, I hope you make it through and furthermore have the best possible trip! You are not alone..

[Kendahke]

It may seem good now, but all things in life are cyclical. His streak of "good" times will not last and his fall will most likely be harder than what you're experiencing right now--while your "good" will be better than what he is experiencing right now.

 

I know it's hard, but try not to dwell on him and put so much focus on him. You've got a stash of money saved--no reason why you can't plan a lovely holiday at a spa or do something that will make you feel better--even if it's putting it in a high yield account to grow more money. Do something positive for you in order to let you know that you love you.

 

Happy birthday, fellow Capricorn!

[elsenyor]

ohh another birthday and another Capricorn!

 

my birthday passed just 2 days ago and well... the build up to it was worse than the day of, granted i have 9 months breakup and 7 months NC under my belt.

 

the worst part though was wondering "would the ex contact?" and "if she did what would i say?"... ultimately it didn't matter as she did reach out, it did bother me slightly, but i'm over it again. i actually may be better of thanks to it because i saw how little interest she has in getting back with me, she congratulated me and was polite but refused to talk more than that even small talk (i don't even know why she contacted), this may help you too in your healing process.

 

so after passing my birthday 2 days ago here are my tips:

- if you're on antidepressants be sure to take it in the morning (or any supplements/vitamins that help you be happy)

- spend it with friends and family (i had a nice lunch with them)

- spoil yourself (i bought myself a beard trimmer)

- when you're alone at the end of the day / night, end it on a positive note (i watched Louis CK's - Hilarious stand up... made me cry of laughter)

 

hope this helps

[Kendahke]

Happy belated birthday to you, elsenyor!

[elsenyor]

Happy belated birthday to you, elsenyor!

 

you already congratulated me in my other thread! hahaha thanks again

 

oh yeah and happy birthday OP! think i left that out in my previous post.

[CleoC]

You are all so kind and supportive! Thank you all so much

 

Lucha: I totally understand your point. I don't want to act like a victim at all, I just want to take all this anger and sadness out of my body. He is probably not having the perfect life but he might be so much better than me anyway I wish you the best, I hope you find the peace you need and I wish we both get out of this hell

 

Twidom: Thank you very much I'm not going to an awesome place like the one I was going to visit with my ex, but I'm going with my mom to a very beautiful place anyways so I hope I can have a nice time there.

 

H3nk1: Thank you for your wishes and happy birthday for you too. I guess we all now we are not alone in this and in a way it's helps a little bit. I'm so glad I found this forum. I hope you the best and thankfully is just 24 hous haha so after the day is over I hope I will feel a little better.

[CleoC]

Kendahke: Thanks! I spent the money I saved in the trip I'll make in a few days. And I bought some shoes and clothes haha. I love my ex, I can't help it. And I don't wish him bad things to happen, but I just wish he could at least realize he lost a person who was so nice to him and feel a little bad about it.

 

elsenyor: thank you for your tips and your wishes I don't know if my ex will contact me or not, I decided I won't answer him if he does. My family will come to my house so I'll try to have a nice time. I only have 1 friend and I'll see her at night, she invited me to sleep in her house because she knows it will be a hard day. Btw, happy belated birthday!

[jonyyy]

Ahah bunch of capricorns around here, I'm too.

 

To the OP: when your birthday day ends just say to yourself, you see it was just another day. I made it. Next year I'll be better and have tons of fun.

 

Also if you have saved money for a trip, DO IT ANYWAY! I was in the same boat and I had to get courage to do the trip alone but I did it and it was very good thing for my healing.

 

As for the whole he's so happy while I'm down situation. The way I'm dealing with that is, while I'm down and sad I can't help to feel it, nothing I can do but as the time goes by and I focus on making my life better I realise that when I have moments in which I feel good, I don't care about my Ex's happiness or whatever she's doing. The more you feel good about yourself and happy in the moment, you forget your Ex. It is important that you acknowledge that in your mind because it will give your brain the notion that you don't need your Ex to be happy. So your brain will be giving you those thoughts so often.

[CleoC]

Thank you jonyyy. I'll have lunch with my dad. Then I'll see my family in the afternoon and I'll go to a friend's house at night. I don't have great plans for my birthday but at least I'll have people around me the whole day. And they all know how bad this day will be so I know that they will support me.

 

And I'll go on a trip. Not to the same place I was going to go with my ex. But to a very beautiful one as well

 

I hope that, in the future, I stop caring about what a great time he might be having. I want to be happy, I really do. I plan to start therapy soon because my brain only gives me negative thoughts and I need help. I can't wait for the day I feel I don't need him to feel happy.