How to Know When to Go

[Themegchan]

I have a wonderful boyfriend. Not exactly prince charming, more like the lovable Shrek kind of guy. His big and cuddly and loves me so much. He's even talked about marrying me, which I'm ok with. He'd do anything for me and he's proven this to me several times. I absolutely love being around him.

 

But...lately, I've gotten the feeling that I should break up with him. This is somewhat normal with me, as I got this feeling in my last relationship, but now I'm seriously considering it. He's far more mature and loving than my last relationship, and I can't really find anything wrong with him...except maybe that he likes to cuddle too much, actually to the point where I don't get much work done when I'm around him.

 

When I last approached him about breaking up, he seriously almost started crying.

 

It's like, I don't want to break up, but sometimes I do. I don't get it.

 

So how do you know when to break up with someone? Especially someone as loving as him? Thanks in advance.

[sdw]

Why do you want to break up with him ? I think you need to think more seriously about what it is you would prefer about your life if you weren't with him (e.g. other guys etc) before deciding anything.

[cleverme123]

Sounds like you are a bit afraid to commit to him. Maybe with the talk of marriage its scaring you a bit. If there is truly nothing wrong I see no point in ending it. Maybe just take a break from talking marriage for a while and tell him how you feel.

[Gunther]

Perhaps it is like cleverme123 sais, you dont want to get married. Well, dont break up with him over it. Surely you realize how many women would want to have a guy like him. Just take it slow. Maybe just tell him you dont want to get married yet, but with most people, they want to break up with a guy because he's not cuddling enough. I'm just saying, that you "can" break up with him, but I dont really see any reason to. Unless its a physical thing that makes you not like him, then why would you? But then again some people just dont match up.

[Breea]

Well, it sounds to me like you are not in love with him. If you don't have strong feelings for him, why are you seeing him? Just because he's nice?? If so, imo you should call it off to spare his feelings. If he's crazy about you and u not him, don't lead him on. ...or, maybe I'm reading you wrong. Good luck deciding anyway.

[Prosper]

Hi Pal,

If u seriously dun like cuddling around, then i think u shld tell him off upon that, coz u wont like it even more if he goes further than that.

And yes, i think u need to understand that u are totally okay and u are what u are, everything is just fine. All i can tell is that both of u have different comfort zones and i think u need to sort it out what ranges u like, some of us here may like hugging, holding hands, and kissing and maybe not the rest.

And if u and him are just starting out on a relationship, i think u need to take into consideration on whether he is purely after u for sex, coz some guys are very ego abt breaking up that they cried. Probably if he is younger than u, then i guess he is not very good at expressing himself out for u. sorry if i have assume certain things.

And if in the end, u dun like his cuddling, then i guess u have to drop him. Coz if u love someone, u would love to cuddle him. I hope u can break in gently on him by then

 

Thanks for reading..

[gillakin]

Hi, Themegchan!

 

You wrote that your boyfriend, besides being a loving guy, loves you "so much", but I didn't see a word about your love for him...

 

However, for a loving relationship to be fulfilling, reciprocity is of major importance.

 

As far as I could understand from your post, you like to be around him, but you seem to "choke" whenever his needs for cuddling collide with your needs for doing something else (although too much always depends on each other's needs...).

 

Anyway, I think it could be a good start to ask yourself what is it that you really want and what is it that you really feel for him (what is it that brings you together) before moving on.

 

It could also be a good thing to talk to your boyfriend about your particular needs and set some boundaries. If he loves you the way you said, he will respect them.

 

PS. If you were to evaluate your current relationship, how would you rate it from 0 to 10, knowing that:

 

- a lousy relationship whithin which you endure much pain = 0

- a wonderful relationship that brings you loads of pleasure = 10

 

Maybe this might give you a hint of what role in your life this guy would fit best.

[Double J]

Themegchan,

 

You remind me of my relationship with my ex. I was just like the guy you've described - much more affectionate than she was with me. She failed to show any emotion around me, which seems to be your same situation. By the way you put this, it seems like you don't feel the same about this guy as he feels about you. Don't keep him around just to boost your ego or relish attention. I'm not saying these are your intentions, but don't - it can hurt a guy more than you think. Let him go if you can't reciprocrate the feelings.

[marijo2480]

I agree with DoubleJ. I know many women, including myself, that would love to have a sweet guy like yours. If you can't reciprocate the feelings, let him go. He'll be far better off and so will you. You are going to hurt him now, no doubt, but he'll be more hurt if you keep leading him on. What I would hate to see happen is that you break it off, he moves on, finds himself someone that truly loves him, and then you realize that he meant more to you than anyone else. It's a cliche, but a true one, you don't know what you have until it's gone!

 

Marie

[Themegchan]

Thank you, guys, for the advice.

 

After talking with my friend earlier today, she said that it was normal to have doubtful feelings in a relationship, and so did my boyfriend when I talked to him about it.

 

I thought about this all day, and finally figured that me and Will have a very good relationship. He's someone that I can go to when I'm feeling sad or worried and he brings me comfort. He helps me and talks things out with me alot.

 

When I first told him about my doubts (back in the beginning of our relationship), he told me to not give up just yet. When I told this to my ex in our relationship, he simply replied, "yeah, I feel that way too. Do you think we should break up?" It was very easy to figure out then who really cared about me and who didn't.

 

I enjoy being with Will. I love going to dinner with him and being around him. I imagine what it would be like if we lived together and I really like the idea! It's just sometimes, I'm not sure. Maybe I am scared of commitment.

 

I seriously don't know what the future holds for us, but I hope it's something good, which is why I want to stick around long enough to find out. After all, we promised to go to prom together!

 

Thanks again. ^^