ex wants to stay friends

[breley]

I was seeing someone for over 3 years, and even living with him.

We recently broke up with each other, and got our own apartments.

He still comes by my place everynight, and even calls. When he is with me, we act like we are still together, we kiss and cuddle and watch movies.

He keeps telling me that he would like us to be friends and that he loves me, yet I do love him and have strong feelings for him.

I told him not to come over, or call, because I am having a mental brake down. I feel alone and empty, and he still wants to go to the beach. I don't have alot of friends, so I go for the company. I find myself crying at night, and wondering what i am doing wrong.. Pleease Help...

 

thanks

Bre

[magpie]

DONT DO IT! NOT YET!! it takes a while to reduce a love to merely a friend level. sometimes, it cant even be done. when you feel empty and alone in the end, is it worth it? no. whats going to happen when he starts to date someone else if you allow yourself to still hold on? you will be hurt even more. ive been there, and its really hard. your lover becomes your best friend. when you lose the love, the relationship, the commitment, you lose it all. and after time, after healing, THEN you can rebuild things. the way i said it last night to my ex, who wants to be my "special friend, more than just a friend" is this: "you took something valuable away. you cant just take something that means so much and replace it with something less and expect me to be fine about it." and its true. the trust and love that you experienced was friendship times 10,000. you cant just expect to take it all away and have the other be fine. you lost something important. you need time to heal. so get upset. get angry. cry your eyes out. and in the end, when you feel like you are on solid ground again, then be his friend. he has hurt you, the last thing you need to is to depend on him to fix you.

[buddysbaby]

I know it's hard, I just broke up with my boyfriend who I was with for 2 1/2 yrs and we lived together for 2 yrs, I know exactly what youa re going through! We just broke up 7 days ago. This is the most pain I have ever felt in my life, it is ripping me apart inside. Like you I don't have many friends to go to, I really have none since I gave them all up for him, now I am pretty much all alone. My ex said the exact same thing and I told him to be reduced to a "friend" after all this time was too painful for me and he said we had to let go slowly, I told him no way, it's all or nothing! He calls me and of course I talk to him and when we hang up I sob like a child. This is torture for my heart, I cry in order to be able to sleep, this is torture for me. I am trying to get out there and renew myself but I can't even find the strength to get up off the couch. I think I am going to change my numbers and I am in the middle of finding a new apartment, I need him to leave me alone in order to heal, I will be in agony during this process but I am sorry I can't put myself on the shelf for him to find someone else and there I am all alone. Ladies can we be strong and realize that we do not have to sacrifice for men, it is a two lane highway! Although I adore my ex and would love to be with him again, I know the reality of it and must scrape myself and begin again because I love myself too much to torture myself like this. When I come home my house is dark and empty and I can't even look at the bedroom because I am so lonely but I know in time I will eventually be loved and love again. Please let hope and love live in you again, it is hard but don't you love yourself? I have discovered that I love myself -again-. Thanks for listening to me.

[Jade Chan]

Dear Ladies,

 

I am sorry to intrude. I need advice from ladies so that I know what is best for ex-mistress. My wife found out my affair with mistress last Sunday, I had to break up with mistress, now she is not eating but crying for a week now. She begs me not to break up, or at least call her once per day and be her friend, see her at least once per week. She still needs my financial support, and she needs my mental support for now (she is very unstable), then how can I leave her completely? But if this go on, I will probably prolong her pain. A catch-22 situation. What should I do?

[Jade Chan]

During the past few days of turbulence. No one gave me any advice or helped here. Nevertheless, I would like to update you that: Today there is a break through, the mistress finally called me and we worked out a plan. We agreed not to see each other. But we will call each other once per day for the rest of our lives, and we will practice Platonic Love until my wife dies of natural illness many years later. Meanwhile, I am still supporting her financially and mentally, she will wait no matter how long (1 yr, 2yrs, 5, 10, 20, 30, 40 yrs) and she will go to school to study, probably see your ex-boy-friend as casual lover (since I have my wife, fair). She said she is glad that I finally chose to stay and mend the relationship with my wife and family, because if I chose to be with her and make divorce with my wife and children, she will not love me that much - because one day I might leave her for other woman, that make her wait to wait for me. Time really heals!!! In our Chinese society, there were too many cases of platonic loves. I believe it will work. Thank you guys for sharing your stories here and listening to me. My wife and children forgave me and we are back to normal life. Mistress is stable now. Thank goodness. Bye............

[patty37]

well, My story takes the cake guys, I need big time advice from your hearts.

My son is almost 12, I split with his father and 2 years later he came back, we tried again and didn`t work, so about 2 years later he paid a visit and arranged for the boy to go to him and his G/f place ..that went fine..then we went through a custody thing, I won that coz he never showed at the court and he was the one who started that, so now about 3 years later and him doing a lot of drugs, he is back here with his heart in his hands begging me that he needs the kids around him to help him quit, I was strong as hell with the brick wall up, well that has crashed in 3 months, he went to a Church group and that helped him, we all read the bible maily to know what he is on about, but he wants the friendship thing, and I want him to love me, I didn`t get much time to get over him when he was gone, but he seems healed, I asked him to leave and he said okay and didn`t want to hear me out as to the reasons why, he said he is happy to go, he was trying to help me with the kids , and he was living in my house and just buying a bit of food. He was doing the kiss /cuddle thing, buit I told him my feelings weree back and he backed off...help me guys...what now...I was willing to have another go to save us as a family....