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Losing interest in boyfriend,help! :(


z0mbi3kitty

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Hi,I'm hoping I am doing the right thing coming here but I just need some help and advice.

I am 17 right now and have an 18 year old boyfriend whom I have been in a relationship with for just over a year. I have been in relationships before and this is among one of the longest I have been in.

We met through a friend and when we first got together I was so happy,I was absolutely ecstatic. I trust him fully,he has never done anything to break my trust and I do not expect him to ever break it. He is quite clingy to me,I have never really minded though,it is in a good way,he isn't overprotective,intrusive or anything like that. My problem is that a couple months ago I feel like I have started to lose interest,I don't find him as attractive,I don't feel the sparks I used to when I kiss and cuddle him,everything just feels so dull and I hate it. I hate feeling this way and I cry just thinking about all of this. I know for a fact his feelings haven't changed about me. I feel so crap because I don't want to hurt him,I feel like its the last thing he deserves. It feels like I could only be a friend to him right now,I don't feel in love with him like I used to if that makes sense. My friends think he is great because he speaks so highly of me and they think he treats me so well. I've had family come up to me and say things like "Your boyfriend is so lovely,I want an invite to the wedding!" and it makes me feel so upset and crap because now I don't feel like I have much of a future with him. I feel the complete opposite of what I felt when we first got together. He has put up with so many moods from me and stuck with me through it. I just wish I didn't feel this way,I don't what to say to him and how to tell him how I feel without wording it wrong or just breaking down. I don't know whats wrong with me and I have no idea why I feel like this. It makes me so sad that my feelings are changing. The only reasons I could really have for possibly feeling this way is that he can act really childish and immature. I am immature in ways but I guess I am also more serious and smarter in other ways too. Sometimes he will be in a mood about something and he can end up having an attitude to me because of it. But I can only really say silly reasons like that. Losing interest can't be because of reasons like spending too much time together either because he lives two train rides away and we can only see each other some weekends,sometimes not for 3 weeks or so. I have also had vague conversations with him sort of saying that I don't feel the same,he always says things like "I'm sorry I'm such a shxt boyfriend" and things like that to put himself down. What do I do!? Any help,advice would be great and also possibly some insight to why I feel this way.

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At 17 you shouldn't be having to feel guilty that you don't want to spend forever with him, or anyone. If you don't feel it, you don't feel it. It's nobody's fault and it's part of life that feelings can change. You should no way stay with him out of guilt or fear of hurting him. It wouldn't be be right to stay for those reasons. And you can't 'make' yourself feel what you don't feel. Trying to feel something doesn't work. Seventeen is very young (or seems so to me anyway!) and is not the time for settling down. You deserve to be free to follow other paths and not be tied down at this stage of your life. You don't have to have a 'reason' for not feeling in love any more and the reason would be irrelevant anyway. I'm sure that if you break up with him you'll do it in a considerate way and there's no way to do it without him being hurt but he will get over it. It'd be worse to let it go on longer feeling this way.

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I agree with offplanet.

 

The relationship has run it's course. You may have overgrown him. It happens, there's nothing wrong with you. You're 17 and have plenty of time to figure out what works for you in relationships. You don't need a reason to break up so don't feel guilty.

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Thank you for the advice,we have decided to break it off. Still trying to cope because It's going to be weird to get used to and I'm so used to being with him. We have decided to stay friends though,we started off best friends so I don't see the sense in throwing our friendship away. Things will hopefully get better.

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