Can't see how I am ever going to have a girlfriend

[codurham]

Let me start and introduce myself seeing as this is my first post. I am in my mid-20's and (I would say) have a good job, comfortable lifestlye in terms of holidays, car etc though I do still live with my parents. I recently graduated from University and moved away from my home town along with my parents to be closer to family (this maybe part of the problem).

 

Anyway my problem is that I cannot see how I am ever going to end up in a relationship with someone. I don't go out much in terms of clubbing etc but I do meet up with friends from time to time but that is usually at their houses or during the day time. My friends are also either now married or in fairly steady relationships. Also my job mainly involves me being in an office with other men so no chance of meeting people there. I do travel a lot and go to the gym though I really doubt I could pick up a girl in the gym. All people I meet, whether it be in the hairdressers or meeting friends of family always asked why I am still single and don't have a girlfriend (as if it is really easy - that annoys me). When you talk to people they say you should get a date but again they say this as if it is really easy.

 

I did meet a girl through a dating site but we broke up after five months as it felt as if I was doing all the work though she still texts from time to time, though we can never meet as using her words 'its for the best'. During the 'relationship' she would never update her facebook to reflect that and she would never mention me (felt as if I was being hidden) though I did meet her parents. I am sort off thinking that this girl is just using me for some form of ego boost (to be honest I get that sense from most people on dating sites). I am no longer on a dating site as I feel they are a waste of time. A few months ago I got a friend request of a girl who was a friend of a family member. We talked for ages on facebook etc (even phoning each other every night). She had a boyfriend but said that she was not happy with him and wanted to get to know me more and hinted at going out with me. I said why don't we but she said she did not want to rush into anything as she did the same thing before and regretted it. We kinda had a few dates but after a month of talking etc I said I think we should not continue to talk as it was not fair on me or her boyfriend (I would not like it tbh). Any way she seemed upset at the time and tried talking again the next day but I said it was not right talking whilst she had a boyfriend. Fast forward a few weeks (she had split with her boyfriend it turns out by now) I tried making contact with her and it was just flaky contact and one word answers (if I was lucky). A few weeks later her facebook was updated saying that she was in a relationship with another guy.

 

My point is with all this is that these are the only two girls in all my life in all honest that I have really interacted with but when I do I always get the sense that I have just missed the boat (as with the second girl) or made mistakes when I can't really afford to. I ain't going to make myself look silly to a girl I like as I always seem to imagine that they will just brag to their friends about how they are always getting hit on. Facebook I feel makes it less likely for me to get a girl today as I get the impression that a girl getting loads of likes makes them feel as if they are really desirable even if they are not (same goes for the online dating). I must admit when I was out a few weeks ago on a night out a girl did come up to me and we spent some 'close' time together and she gave me her number without asking but turns out she has a boyfriend (I discovered this when I went to add her on facebook).

 

Anyway in all honesty I cannot see how I am ever going to have a girlfriend or any kind of relationship. Might I add that I am still a virgin and not through choice. People say that I am good looking and make positive comments but it appears that no one wants to put there money where there mouth is. I see people I fancy all the time but it is usually in places where you cannot really talk to girls i.e. gym, shopping etc. I do kind of feel stupid posting on here but I could not think of anywhere else to be honest. Surely I cannot be the only one in this position? Also my experiences with girls so far (mainly through online dating) have only left me with hurt and have changed my view on girls and their intentions

 

Thanks for reading.

[harley24]

Honestly... you sound like an intelligent guy and you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. And I'm sorry but the girls today suck! ! All my friends are total skanks and think of no one but themselves or are too damn needy and whiney. Its really hard today to find a funny honest faithfull clean girl. ...

 

I don't understand it trust me! I get along better with men because girls today are skanky and always seem to be in competition with me. Its annoying!

 

But guys all tell me I'm hilarious smart fun and gorgeous....yet most cheat on me or leave me! I can't give you an answer other than this. ... wait and be picky! You need to find a great girl who loves you not some girl who can't even be bothered to change her relationship status! Outrageous! Or any girl worth your time will respect you and WANT to contact you. ... not keep you on the back burner while she fights with her boyfriend. Yuck.

 

Sorry. ..but girls today really piss me off. Oh! And you wouldn't want a chick in a bar anyway.

 

But I almost feel like ill never find a good man with a good job who wants the same things I do either because the guys I attract are bad boys mostly... they treat me like a trophy and try to control me. We will find someone!

 

Ps I think my brother was a virgin till a couple years ago he's in his thirties now and I've only seen him with two girls and now he's got one and is happy! You'll find someone. ...

[codurham]

Thanks for the response.

 

Sound a bit like me apart from I actually don't end up with anyone lol I do agree with you about the girl in the bar - things like that will only probably last a few hours whilst she is drunk

 

You mention that you only seem to attract "bad boys" - I was always under the impression that is what girls really wanted hence why I have probably gotten nowhere in that respect. I ain't a complete woss but at the same time I would never go to hurt anyone especially someone who I had feelings for but it seems as if you show your feelings to people then they just walk over you (I guess this counts in all aspects of life).

 

It just gets me down (most of the time I must admit) as it seems that every other guy only has to walk up to a girl and get a date etc yet I do not seem to be able to do that. I always seem to imagine that if I chatted up a girl in say the gym or a club I would be told to get lost (maybe that is more of a confidence issue).

[Mr_LFA]

I did meet a girl through a dating site but we broke up after five months as it felt as if I was doing all the work though she still texts from time to time, though we can never meet as using her words 'its for the best'. During the 'relationship' she would never update her facebook to reflect that and she would never mention me (felt as if I was being hidden) though I did meet her parents. I am sort off thinking that this girl is just using me for some form of ego boost (to be honest I get that sense from most people on dating sites). I am no longer on a dating site as I feel they are a waste of time.

Just to clarify the above situation, what did this 5 month 'relationship' consist of? did you go on many dates or hang out with each other much?

 

Also, I wouldn't base the real world on online dating. I personally don't think it's worth the time if you're an 'average' guy on there. On the other hand, even very average looking women on there get flooded with messages on a daily basis so I'm not surprised on how they act given the ego boost. You'd honestly have more luck approaching girls in a mall.

[Ms Darcy]

Most guys I know have to go on a lot of dates, hit on a lot of women, experience a lot of rejection before getting a gf. Girls don't fall out of the sky. I think if you make more of an effort to do meetup groups where you can meet women and then talk to more women, you will have a chance to get a gf.

[dali]

First you need to move out of home, sorry but living at home when you have a good job and car etc is a big turn off for women. Second, don't stress!!!! Your not a loser, you just lack confidence in meeting women, just try asking 1 girl out a week until you get the hang of it.

[savignon]

I agree that you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and that getting an apartment, even if you have roomates) will "up your game" so to speak. Start talking to girls casually (not flirting but just like you're making friends) at the gym, at work..wherever you go. It'll get easier and before you know it a longer conversation will develop into you asking a girl out.

[FlashEng1]

Most guys I know have to go on a lot of dates, hit on a lot of women, experience a lot of rejection before getting a gf. Girls don't fall out of the sky. I think if you make more of an effort to do meetup groups where you can meet women and then talk to more women, you will have a chance to get a gf.

 

I believe this to the T. The game of dating and finding the right woman is played in the face of rejection.

 

Everything else is subjective and while I can understand others' stress on moving out and what not, I've dated great women when I lived at home, when I had my own place, when I was homeless, when I was car-less, and even cashless at one point.

 

If you continue to step up to the plate and swing. And if you are genuinely trying to improve or grow while handling your current situation, and you're fun to be around? The right woman won't even think twice. She won't care.

 

 

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