why???

[angelic_spirit825]

Hi,

I have already posted 3 replies to others on this website but i have realised that i actually need a little bit of advice myself!

I have many guy mates and so am constantly surrounded by loving affection from the opposite sex and i love it really i do and what woman wouldn't! but lately i've felt myself falling for one of my better guy friends - we've got to know each other pretty well (have known each other for nearly 9 months now and it feels like forever in a nice way cos we tell each other everything and he truly is one of my best friends i've ever had!) So you can understand my anticipation about potentially ruining our friendship by confessing all to him. So i did the logical thing and asked a mutual friend to find out how he felt about me and if the feelings i had were in any way returned. You see he had a major thing for me when we first met and for a couple of months afterwards which he made very obvious but never actually told me himself but he did tell several mutual friends that he was in his words 'besotted' with me! at this time i have to confess i didn't feel the same for him and nothing happened. Anyway then he got with another girl and was with her for a about 4 months then she wanted commitment and he didn't (apparently) and he broke it off with her. During the last couple of months of their relationship i started to develop strong feelings for him, so i see when they split that the field is open, but i be ladylike and not rush in a) because still worried about what it might do to our friendship and b)i didn't want to be the rebound girl! anyway i really wanted to tell him how i felt for ages and i kept bottling it every time i saw him (wimp i know!) and anyway time slipped by and before i knew it it was his last day at college (he's 1 and 1/2yrs older).I hung around all day and it appeared that he wasn't gonna show on his last day so i went home with tail between my legs wimpering about what ifs and it got to a point where i couldn't take it any longer! (i had previously done the detective bit again and got a mutual friend to find out if he had any feelings for me - turns out he did, infact he still felt as strongly for me as when we first met) so knowing i would bottle it if i saw him face to face i sent him a text message (well 4 actually) confessing all - i know never a good idea! anyway we saw each other a couple of days after and we were fine together but nothing was said about the way we felt. So i sent another txt just chatty and we talked for a while over the phone and sms but still he wouldn't tell me how he felt - not even an indication! so i decided to ask him again over txt and have not to this moment received a reply - that was 3 days ago (and he is the type that replys immediately usually) i even tryed to suggest we meet and go for a drink to talk about things but no response! what am i to think? have i ruined the best friendship i've ever had or is he just taking time to think things through? please help me here guys because i want to understand him and i thought i did but this no talk act is just so out of character for him - i'm really confused, feeling hurt and still in the dark about how he feels - all advice and help, so much appreciated.

[GoDevil]

be careful how fast you reveal all of this to him, it can be overwhelming and too much info could push him away. Since you sent those text messages, you have told him some of your feelings. Don't keep trying to contact him because that will not work in your benefit. Let him absorb the things you have told him and make his decision. If you don't contact him and just stay busy doing other stuff I bet you he will call and say he would like to see you. He knows you like him, now let him show you he likes you. Don't keep trying, you have already done your part in that respect. By holding back, you will eventually know how he really feels and you will lose no self-respect in the process. Good luck!

[Foreigner]

That's EXACTLY what I was going to say.

 

Slow down, don't call him for a while. Let him think, then let him wonder why you've got so quiet, and finally let him continue what you've started if he really has feelings for you.

 

Get busy with your hobbies and be patient!

 

Whatever happens in this case is perhaps for the better, as it may serve as a test not only for his feelings for you but also to your friendship. You get the point...

 

All the best,

~Foreigner.

[angelic_spirit825]

Hi,

Can i say thank you to you both for your replies with advice on my predicament! You've both helped to knock a bit of sense into me and make me slow down a bit with this. Before i was looking at it all very one sided and just getting very frustrated and upset with the fact that he hadn't contacted me. But now i realise putting the boot on the other foot so to speak that if one of my best friends told me that he'd got feelings for me and wanted more than friendship, i would of course need time to think aswell and i simply wasn't thinking of this situation from his point of view. So i will take your advice and not get in contact with him, give him some space and hope that in time he will be honest with me about how he feels and what he wants to happen.

Thankyou both again for making me see this!

luv

angelic_spirit

[Foreigner]

Angelic Spirit,

 

I've read your PM and thought of something else that I wanted to say.

 

You sound like a very nice girl... So in case (just in case) that the things don't go as you would expect them to - you can trust me that everything will eventually be alright (even if this alright differs from your expectations).

 

Sometimes you find that the guy you were into for such a long time is not as good as you thought he was. I had a major case like this (in the opposite direction...), and now, after a year has passed, I'm very glad everything went NOT the way I wanted it to at that time.

 

Keep your life running the way YOU enjoy it, without making it DEPENDANT on your communications with other people (!). Your happiness, motivation, satisfaction and feeling of success must be internal and independent. The others, no matter how dear or close they are to you, are also (at least in some way, especially the more successful among them) independent individuals that may or may not keep standing at the same in your life, or vice versa - your position in their lives may alter either.

 

However if you're emotionally free - you can be happy, no matter what happens, and I think this is one of the most important things in life.

 

Good luck!!

 

~Foreigner.