Giving Head

[tenn22]

I've been married for just over a year, my husband and I seem to be having an ongoing issue about him recieving head. I have a strong resistance against giving it, mainly because of the end result...

I want to please him, and I tell him that and have tried to compromise by doing it before he goes and then doing something else for him, so that we're both happy. But he doesn't seem to like that idea, his favorite part is the end result. I really don't know what to do about the situation. I feel bad every time I reject him, but I still really don't want to do it. He says he doesn't want to make me do something I don't want to do, but gets really quiet and upset, and won't talk to me about it. We have both don't know what to do, and a compromise doesn't seem to work! Help!

[Switch187]

Well I don't understand by what you mean from the "end result" (well I know what the end result is, but in your context it's weird). If your talking about him "going" in your mouth, well if you don't like it then you don't like it, and shouldn't feel bad that you don't. If your worried about it happening, tell him to warn you before he gets there so you could get a rag or something. He should respect you enough to tell you when he's close, and not just "go" in your mouth. Other than that, it seems like your husband is being a bit selfish and childish with this issue. If you don't like it, the you don't like it and thats the bottom line. If he's still persistent on "ending" in your mouth, tell him that you would want to snowball with him afterwards, and see if how he takes it. If he says thats gross or something like that, then you can tell him that you feel the same way.

[LikerOfWomen]

Sounds like you married a jerk.

[tenn22]

I mean by the "end result", I mean going in my mouth. He does warn me when he is about to go. But he when I stop and start doing something else on him, he doesn't get upset right away but after he asks why I wouldn't give him head? He then gets upset, its like he feels bad that he wants it and I don't but won't let it go. Its like we are at a stailmate and can't figure out how to get out of it.

[Jimbo10]

Sounds like you married a jerk.

 

Liker, your comment has no value. If your going to make stupid thoughtless comment, maybe this community doesn't need it, she didn't give any insight into the person this man is, and she said it's going well!

 

As for the lovly lady who posted this that comment

 

 

 

I don't understand what you mean by the "end result" but if he doesnt want to talk about it, maybe it doesnt have as great an importance to him as you might think. Maybe you should find ways of pleasuring each other that you both enjoy greatly, but that you are both comfortable with. Good luck.

[titan]

well firstly can i ask why you are so against it....Is it anything apart from the obvious.

 

I had this problem with my ex-girlfriend but when she eventually tried it wasn't that bad well i hope...but the point was that it was so intimate and made me feel special like its a special bond of trust.

 

He probably feels like you don't love him enough to do it..

 

have you even tried instead of just saying no

[Switch187]

I mean by the "end result", I mean going in my mouth. He does warn me when he is about to go. But he when I stop and start doing something else on him, he doesn't get upset right away but after he asks why I wouldn't give him head? He then gets upset, its like he feels bad that he wants it and I don't but won't let it go. Its like we are at a stailmate and can't figure out how to get out of it.

 

It's seems like it's more of a communication issue that it is a whole sexual issue. He doesn't want to accept your point of view on not wanting to do it, because you don't want to. At the same time he is trying to tell you that he wont forcce you to do something you don't want to, but acts like a baby when you make a choice that doesn't agree with his. As I said you can just tell him that if you were to allow him to "go" in your mouth, then you would want to snowball (snowballing is french kissing with the cum still in your mouth) with him. As I said if he gets disgusted by the idea, ask him why he thinks that it should be fine for you then. If not then you can just tell him that you should no longer perform oral sex for a while since it just seems to cause problems instead of being an act of intimacy. You should never do something that you don't want to do, and if he married you he should know that as well. Both of you need to really communicate this issue further before you attempt to "try it" (you shouldn't feel like you have to if you don't want to) just so you both can get back on the same page.

[fantasia2004]

what other positions do you perform and what does he like? or you like and why don't you like it?

[tenn22]

I reason I don't like to do it is because I don't want him to cum in my mouth. I think it is very important to him, because he feels that it shows him how much I love him, to do something that I don't want to. And yes, I have tried it and he has gone in my mouth and I really didn't like it....I almost threw up actually. He is not a bad person, and I understand that its hard to give up something that you really want.....but the thing is I think he is being really selfish and am sick of being made to feel bad about something that I don't think I can control. I just don't know how to get the message accross without hurting him, because I know what meaning it holds for him. I don't want him to feel any less of a man because I don't want to do it.

[Switch187]

And he shouldn't feel like less of a man or that you don't love him enough for not wanting to do it. My g/f doesn't want to do it either, she mentioned maybe trying it, but that was something she would choose to do. I don't feel any different about her because of her choice, since she still chooses to perform oral sex on me. Your husband should realize that some women don't even like to perform oral sex at all, and that he should be grateful that your wanting to do it with him. Taking it in your mouth has nothing to do with love or anything like that, it's just that male minds have been perverted by porno (and the ability to get it so easy) to the point that every guy thinks that girls love to have cum on them just about anywhere. They always try to say "if you don't like it, then it's because you don't love me that much" but it's just a line. In reality there thinking "al these other girls I see and hear about say how terrific it is, so I'm sure my girl will like it too." It's a very immature and selfish attitude to have, and you just need to be firm about it and tell "hey I tried it once and didn't like it at all, I don't want to do it again." That should be the end of the story, plain and simple.

[DBL]

I wouldn't marry a girl that didn't like giving head. My wife once told me that she wasn't going to give me head anymore, I told her I was ready for divorce.

 

Keep this in mind, an unsatisfied partner will find satisfaction somewhere else. I don't think your husband is a jerk, we all got our needs.

 

My suggestion...go to a sex counselor.

 

DBL

[SweetGemini]

i can understand you, because i go through the same thing, i dont mind giving head as long as he does not cum in my mouth!! i tried it once and i nearly threw up... it was nasty!!!.... i reckon u should definitely snowball him next time he does that... then he should get the hint hint* or tell him how much it turns you on when he cums on your body, and rub it on your body...

[tea]

if he rejects the idea of you snowballing him, just tell him you like seeing how much he loves you by doing something he doesn't like.

 

... right back at him.

 

but then you run the risk of him having no problem with being snowballed... =/ i heard most guys resist the idea at first though. tsk tsk, selfish ppl.

[Jimbo10]

That sounds harsh DBL!

 

What part of THAT story is true man?

[Mun]

Hi there,

I think that if your husband does not respect your feelings about this then you have bigger problems than him coming in your mouth.

 

Have you tried asking him to do it on your breasts or some other variation? Have you tried it with a condom yet? Personally I don't like the taste of it ( the condom) but you might try to compromise that way. Grape flavored is actually ok.

 

You should not be made to feel bad about this because we all have things we would not do with our partner. The key issue here is that he is making you feel guilty about this when he should be loving and understanding instead.

 

Is he selfish in other aspects of your marriage? just a thought.

 

Mun

[titan]

My girlfriend threw up the first time but she tried it again and is ok with it.

 

I think its just a matter of thinking about it to much, really look at how much thought you are putting into it. You are thinking about it while doing it, just put your mind elsewhere and try it again.

 

If you really have made a proper attempt, i mean tried a few times without thinking about it, then most guys would probably not ask anymore.

[BlueEyedBoy]

A guys diet can affect the way his cum tastes quite a lot acidy or spicy things like curry, chilly or citrous fruits will make it taste particularly bad, smoking makes it taste worse too.

[tenn22]

I wouldn't marry a girl that didn't like giving head. My wife once told me that she wasn't going to give me head anymore, I told her I was ready for divorce.

 

Thats pretty rough, ready for divorce because she wouldn't give you head? Doesn't sound like love, maybe lust? Hey I appriciate your advice, but sounds like you were being a little selfish yourself? What does everybody think?

[Switch187]

Whenever I see DBL's post, it always starts with something I totally disagree with, but ends with something that makes absolute sense. As with that post, I do think that it was a bit selfish to say (unless he was just joking with her) but at the end of the post he gave some of the best advice.. Go see a counsler. That would really help both of you to get back on track together and not at the stalemate your at right now.

[DBL]

I have never claimed to be an angel, God-Like maybe...

 

Anyway...I don't think i'm selfish...I would of weeded this problem out before I was married. Unfortuanately it happened during marriage. I has nothing to do with love...just can't go changing the game plans in the marriage I'm not cool with. If I can't be sexually satisfied, then what am I suppose to do? It is not like we can turn our desires and hormones off.

 

On most of your thinking, if the girls loves the guy then she should have no problem doing it.

 

Besides my sex counseling idea, you can also maybe set a few days a month. Atleast this way it will build excitement for him between times. Seriously, disregard my selfishness here and go seek counseling and find out why you are not comfortable with it.

 

DBL

[Misty]

You know,this is not an easy thing for a lot of women.Sometimes it's how we were brought up.Some girls are told that giving head is dirty or it's a sin.And thinking that for years ,it's not easy to do it just because someone else wants it.Issues like this should be discused and delt with before marriage.I used to didn't believe in having sex before marriage,but it could help to avoid problems like this.

 

Did you and your husband have sex before you married?did he not want this then.You should just tell him how much this bothers you.Like what was said before,tell him he can go on your chest or breast but not your mouth,and he can't be happy with that,then maybe he's the one that needs counsling

[tenn22]

It has been an issue since before we got married, and no we didn't have sex before we got married.

He and I talked about it last night, and I again expressed my feelings about it and he is willing to compromise with using a condom. At first he it didn't seem like he was listening to me and was sticking to the fact that he wanted a blow job and that was that. But he came around and started listening to me. He was also happy to hear that I was trying to find out ways to compromise so that we could both enjoy it. So far its not bad, but we'll see how things go.

[seza15]

he sounds very persitant about you having the cum in your mouth. it's sounds to me that the actual act of oral doesn't bother you (having his penis in your mouth) but you just don't want the cum in there.

 

the only thing that i can think of that he is getting his male ego bruised because you won't swallow, and you don't have to either. i see that you love him, but he needs to understand that just because you don't want to swallow or have cum in your mouth, it doesn't mean you don't love him any less! "some" men are very easily briused and upset by the smallest of things. yet, men wonder why women get up set when our morals and beliefs are breached. not fair sometimes!

[tenn22]

things have been much better, we had a good talk about it. We decided on a compromise for the issue, we decided using a condom would be ok for him. He seemed to enjoy it very much so! thanks for everybody's imput!