Have I Truly Lost The Love Of My Life?

[CanadianBelle]

I'll try to keep this as brief, but detailed as possible.

 

When my ex and I were together, it was fantastic at start. We would dote on each other, spend snuggly days in bed, he would get me little treats, Id make him dinner, etc.

 

However, after I moved in with him, I felt more like his second mother than his girlfriend, and often I'd have to nag him to do things, which would cause silly arguments...Example- I went to Ibiza for a girls holiday and asked him to change the sheets before I got back. Upon my return, they still hadn't been changed after a week, and even when I returned home from work the next day, they still hadn't! FRUSTRATING!

 

I think I nagged a lot too because I was living with him plus his family, and although we had our room to have our time together in, it didn't truly feel like ours. So I will admit, I nagged him about saving his money so we could move out. A lot.

 

I don't know at what point it broke down. I think maybe we both got too comfortable and too complacent. I was nagging all the time and de-masculating him I think, and he never treated me like he used to, or even wanted to go out with me like he used to. Towards the end it was always his friends and drinking over me.

 

There were amazing times though. That's what's hardest. I think he's the right guy, wrong time sort of thing.

 

When things were really bad, I went to stay with the next door neighbours who were also friends.

I felt like I had no other choice. I also asked for my space, something he didn't respect, where he called and rang me all the time, which further pushed me away because I was upset and confused. I went away for a couple weeks, and when I returned, he got angry and fully kicked me out of the house.

 

Nothing hurt more than that moment, nothing.

 

I suffer quite badly from depression (also another problem in our relationship, but something he was very understanding of) and all I did after that was sit in my room and think about things.

 

It all came to a head the second week of November. My parents had been and gone, visiting from Canada. He was supposed to come on a trip with us to Paris, something I know that stung for him that I was still going and he was not. When I came back, we got into the mother of all fights, where I ended up screaming at him that he broke my heart, and had no chance with me ever again.

Not true, but I was angry and wanted to hurt him. Immature I know.

 

After that, I waited a couple weeks thinking things would cool off between us and then we could have a chat.

Not the case.

 

I just found out that literally two weeks after the row, he started dating a new girl. With a son.

 

I feel absolutely sick right now, because I feel like my pride, and lack of humility has gotten in the way.

He and I were both wrong on certain things, but it was nothing that couldn't be fixed.

 

Last week, I uncharacteristically begged him for a talk after seeing him by accident the day before. I went next door to drop off a Christmas card, he answers the door, asks how I am...I start getting upset. Bad move I know. I also mention his new girlfriend to which he replies "Im just seeing her"

Turns into his mum asking me in for a cuppa, and she and I had a heart to heart. She says she doesn't think this new relationship is serious, as he's going quite slowly, it's probably just for sex (UGH didn't need to hear that) and that she thinks he likes the son more than her. Apparently she complains to my ex because he doesn't see her as much as she'd like.

She told me how broken up he was after the breakup, that I really hurt him by not talking to him, and that she doubts he's give me another chance but if it's how I feel to let him know. He comes into the room after this all and gives me a hug on the way out and I start to cry...Not because I'm upset, but because I miss him so much.

He mumbled something about not being able to do anything right and left.

 

Fast forward to the next day, and I'm begging him to talk, to tell him how I feel. He obliges after a while, and I spill out how sorry I am, that I still love him, I never meant to hurt him, he's the only man I've ever loved...etc. Mortifying looking back on it, because that is so not me, I'm usually a rare-sharer. Probably my downfall.

The whole time, he's poker faced, but his eyes get watery. He tells me I really hurt him, and when I first ask if he still loves me, he replied he's not answering that.

We proceed to talk and it just gets more confusing. I was facing him, and moved closer, and he went "I know you want me to grab you and kiss you." I went, "Sorry? Do you WANT to kiss me?" and he goes "I've got a girlfriend, I won't cheat on her." Wow. I thought you were just seeing her mate?

I ask if she makes him happy, he says happier than he was a couple months ago (that's round the time we broke up). I ask if she makes him as happy as I did, and he replied again with a "Im not answering that" (I know, I shouldn't have)

Anyways, he and I continue chatting about us, he tells me how much I hurt him, I do vice versa, but I tell him I think it can be fixed. He then says that he's only offering me friendship right now, that's all he can offer and maybe in the future we could try again if he sees a difference in me but theres no guarantees.( He always said in the past though that he could never do friends with me, because he loved me too much and would be jealous if I found somebody else. Plus the poker face is the one he'd put on during fights so I wouldn't see how annoyed or upset he was.) I ask again if he still loves me.

He says he still cares about me, he's not IN love with me, and a small part of him still loves me but he's not sure if it's worth it. He again offers the friendship.

 

I say that's fine, we hug goodbye and wish each other goodnight.

 

The next day, I'm deleted off Twitter and his account is now private. But strangely, his banner photo at top is now a photo from when we went to a festival together.

I left speaking to him for a couple days, asked if he was ready for his birthday, then wished him a Happy Birthday, to which neither had a response.

 

I am *so* confused.

 

All I think about and have thought about is him. I even dream of him, which is terrible.

 

Basically, I know I love him. He made me a better person, less serious less moody. I know a lot of things were my fault, and I recognize it.

 

I feel like I've made a huge mistake not speaking to him when I needed space and I feel like I can't get out of the hole I dug when I yelled at him.

 

I'm off to Canada to visit family for Christmas at the moment...Do I WhatsApp him while away? Do I do no contact until I come home? HELP?

 

Is there any hope?

 

Or should I cry with Ben and Jerry and try to move on?

 

Thanks

 

x

[smackie9]

He may still care about you and miss you but he is making full effort to resist all temptation to be with you. I see him strongly convincing himself that he needs to accept life without you...that he must move on.

 

Go no contact and move on.

[Ms Darcy]

I don't think there is anything confusing here. He has made it clear that it is over. It will take time for you to accept it though.

 

I will say, I think he started having doubts perhaps when you moved in/started nagging him. I think this has been coming on for a while.

[CanadianBelle]

I get what you're both saying, but I do feel there are some mixed messages. Like first saying that his new missus was nothing serious, then saying he had a girlfriend after randomly asking if I wanted to be kissed.

 

I'm no angel at all in this, I know that. But why say the whole friendship and maybe in the future we could try but Im not guaranteeing it sort of thing?

 

Maybe I'm just in denial and hurting...

[smackie9]

I'm gonna go with denial and hurting.

[n33lloc]

I'm somewhat going through the same thing. He says he is not in love with me, but loves me. He is dating an 18 year old who has a boyfriend. He wants to be friends and spends time with me, and says we might be together in the future. It is definitely confusing and hurtful. The only thing i can think to do, is let him know the door is open, but don't necessarily wait for him. Try to move on and be happy. We have been broken up for a month. And although i still want to be with him, it hurts a little less each day. We will get through this. What is also helping me is remembering that if he loves me and we are meant to be, then he will come back. Hang in there... i'm rooting for you.

[Ms Darcy]

Second for in denial and hurting.

 

It's not helpful for you to hear 'maybe in the future' because it gives you false hope. You need to cut him off completely.

[mhowe]

He has girlfriend. He is moving on and does. of want to get back together. Moving in together too soon was the kiss of death for your relationship. He no longer sees you in a romantic light.