Sex as the highest form of love?

[sophi3]

That's what my ex believes in anyway. Also that it's every man's need. Is it true? I'm not male so I wouldn't know. I think that's partly why he broke up with me, he wasn't satisfied with what I can give. The truth is that I'm just not built for a lot of sex. I can live without it. I prefer the company, support, etc over that. There are days I blame myself that I could've given more or acted enthusiastic and initiated it, because his friends were way more active than we were.

 

I kept telling him it wasnt his fault that I was like that, I was just built to tire easily (because I'm anemic? I havent talked to a doctor about it), and I really do prefer other forms of bonding. Is sex really the ultimate form of love, sex is man's need true for all men? If so, I need to change myself to adjust to that when I'm with a future partner.

 

My very close friends tell me that it's not my fault, he was shallow to think that way, and if that was part of his reason for breaking up, then it's not my fault. Then again they may be sugarcoating so I wont feel as bad.

 

Im also insecure about my body but it's something im trying to overcome everyday. I'm just upset that he left before he could see me transform fully. And that he could just dump me.

 

I think this will help me more with moving on, I'm still in the cycle of self blame that couldve done better. I know it won't help bring him back but knowing my mistakes will help me in my future relationships. Thank you guys

[mhowe]

If you tire easily and you are young, you need to see a doctor and not self diagnose.

 

Sex is a normal part of an intimate relationship. Too much sex can be a sign of insecurity... too little a sign of waning interest. However, the spectrum of how much is appropriate depends on the couple. And likely you were just not compatible on that topic.

 

 

Sex is not the "highest form of love". That was a self-serving comment from you ex to make you feel guilty.

[Seraphim]

No. No ,it is not the heighest form of love. If that were true everybody who had sex would love the other person they had sex with. We know that is absolutely not true. Sex drive is very variable. And it can be very variable in the same person over time. Men peek in their early 20s and women peek in their 30's.

 

So no,don't let him snow you with that malarkey that is the highest form of love. Is it a need ?Sure. Are there other forms of intimacy and love? You bet. And the ones that you mentioned enjoying are also forms of love.

[sophi3]

If you tire easily and you are young, you need to see a doctor and not self diagnose.

 

Sex is a normal part of an intimate relationship. Too much sex can be a sign of insecurity... too little a sign of waning interest. However, the spectrum of how much is appropriate depends on the couple. And likely you were just not compatible on that topic.

 

 

Sex is not the "highest form of love". That was a self-serving comment from you ex to make you feel guilty.

Hi mhowe. I'm in my mid20's. I'll probably see my doctor about it when I have free time thanks for the suggestion. But i did notice that me tiring easily also includes anything cardio like when I jog.

 

He tells me that it's the highest form of love so I'd be willing to do it. But afterwards I'd feel guilty and unclean. When I go home and see my mom and she asks where we came from and I have to lie about that, and every month I wonder if I'm pregnant, it makes me uncomfortable. Some days I explained to him that I can't do it anymore, it feels wrong. I don't know if I hurt his feelings but I was just being honest. When we had "the final talk" he told me, did you notice I stopped asking you to do it with me? I thought he was just busy with other things. It's not really a priority with me. If it happens it happens. If it doesn't, I'm okay with that too. I already gave all of myself to him, I really feel that I should've given more and he would've stayed.

 

What should be the highest form of love if it isn't sex? Is the lack of sex a valid point for a breakup?

[Seraphim]

Why would you fear being pregnant every month? Do they have birth control where you are?

[sophi3]

No. No ,it is not the heighest form of love. If that were true everybody who had sex would love the other person they had sex with. We know that is absolutely not true. Sex drive is very variable. And it can be very variable in the same person over time. Men peek in their early 20s and women peek in their 30's.

 

So no,don't let him snow you with that malarkey that is the highest form of love. Is it a need ?Sure. Are there other forms of intimacy and love? You bet. And the ones that you mentioned enjoying are also forms of love.

 

Hi Victoria. Thank you for your input, it's interesting you pointed out that it peaks for women in their 30's. Though he tells me he can only have sex with the person he loves and that person was me. Probably why I cant bring myself to check his FB either. If I see him with another woman I'll instantly think they will go to bed together one day. We aren't together anymore and even the thought of it makes me jealous and in pain.

 

We have rubber and the monthly calendar thing. Still they say it's not 100% guarantee, best is abstinence. A lot of my batchmates are already pregnant.

[mhowe]

Mutual respect and trust.. compassion and acceptance...those are the ingredients of the highest form of love. He was just a horny little boy.

 

Your views of sex being "unclean" and something to get through should also be addressed. However, they could also just change by being with the right.person.

 

If cardio weakens you...and you are not overweight it could be your heart. See a doctor ASAP.

[sophi3]

Mutual respect and trust.. compassion and acceptance...those are the ingredients of the highest form of love. He was just a horny little boy.

 

Your views of sex being "unclean" and something to get through should also be addressed. However, they could also just change by being with the right.person.

 

If cardio weakens you...and you are not overweight it could be your heart. See a doctor ASAP.

For me it's really reserved for marriage. I'm one of the idealistic people out there. Though I do not judge those who engage in it, I know some friends who do. I guess it's similar to smoking. I dont want to smoke but if my friends smoke I dont condemn them. I just judge it if it happens to myself, if that makes sense

 

Maybe he also falls short of acceptance. I'm not perfect. He's not perfect but I'm fine with accepting his flaws. You have very good points for the highest form of love.

[mhowe]

Well...if it is your belief system that sex belongs inside of marriage, don't be pressured into it to prove your love.

 

As to the ingredients of highest form of love...you don't get to be my age without picking up a bit of knowledge!!

[Seraphim]

Yes, never be pushed into doing something you don't believe in.

[bulletproof]

While I agree that seeing a doctor never hurts, there is also the chance that you just weren't feeling it with him sexually. That's okay. There may be a guy in the future that you have trouble controlling yourself around, because the chemistry is so good.

 

He was guilting you and he shouldn't have done that. It's probably for the best that it's over.

[sophi3]

thank you all for sharing your thoughts this is helping me heal

[Tanzi]

I don't agree with the way your ex emotionally blackmailed you into having sex but, nevertheless, sex is a natural act .... it shouldn't make you feel unclean or dirty. Could you possibly have underlying issues that might help to be addressed or has HE made you feel this way?

 

Why did you worry if you were pregnant every month? Did you not use contraceptives?

 

I also wonder why, in your mid-20's, you feel the need to lie to your mum "where you came from". Would it cause a problem to say that you had been to your boyrfriends house? I do wonder if there is something going on here that is inhibiting you from enjoying sex.

 

There is no such thing as "the highest form of love". Love is many things - most of it mutual. Mutual respect, mutual understanding, compatibility, an emotional connection and, yes, intimacy.

 

I agree that you and your boyrfriend weren't compatible but I can't help thinking that there are other issues here that may see you facing this problem again. It isn't nice being pushed into having sex when you don't want it but you when you are in a loving relationship you should have a natural desire to want to be close and intimate with that person. Sex isn't the be all and end all in a relationship but it is still an important aspect of a loving relationship.