Most annoying thing EVER: liking someone you can't have!!

[Lily04]

GRR just had to rant..it seems like the people I'm most attracted to I have to force myself *not* to like because they already have a girlfriend or are in some other way unavailable. It's even more difficult when they flirt back with you or when you can feel that instant attraction. I have to say that the guy I was obsessed over for months I've finally got over and accepted that nothing will happen (even though if he asked me out I would say yes in a sec. I no longer haev that same attraction for him. I moved on. YAY.) Then I started to like another guy. We went out for coffee. He flirted with me, but he's a naturally flirty person so I didn't think too much of it. But I unfortunately started liking him, but then after a 30 mins. discussion find out he isn't interested in me. That's just great. Just another person to add to the list..

 

Ugh. Anyways, just had to rant. If anyone wants to share a similar experience, feel free..

[thunda]

Lily ,lily, lily im in a very similar situation to yourself...read my post.."needs your advice....goin' nuts"...in Atrraction and flirting.

[Virulent]

yeah i know what you mean, i know the sweetest girl that i really like, but i got no chance, i'd do anything for her, shes the kind i could see myself spending the rest of my life with. i hate it. if i could wish away my feelings i would.

[thunda]

Life goes on and time goes by......The One will turn up sooner or later...sometimes they're right under your nose.

[RayKay]

Just a question...have you thought about maybe why those you are most attracted to you are in someway unavailable? Being obsessed over someone for months who is unavailable it pretty extreme (in my opinion) so I am curious as to how you get to that obsessed point in the first place with someone unavailable? And adding people to your "list" after one date of those unrequited loves also seems extreme....so I am just trying to find out why you become so attached when you can't have them? There are lots of very available men out there!

[blah2oo4]

tell me bout it... i like this guy, i flirt with him he flirts back. but he doesnt like me, i dont think... why the fcuk do they do it??? i think its horrid

[tiger_lilies]

I totally understand what you mean!!!!!

 

I am half in love with this guy who is my mailman at work. We've been flirting with each other for over three years!!!!! Finally this past summer we hooked up and have been pretty good friends since, we talk on the phone, hang out, etc. We both like each other and have admitted this to each other, BUT he's leaving January 2nd for two months! So we've decided to keep things casual...which sucks because we can't really move forward with our relationship.

 

It gets more complicated than this, but I'm still left with this huge crush on him and I can't do anything about it!

[asdf]

well i feel like joining in. i always get into situations with girls who already have boyfriends. some of them don't go beyond flirting, some of them go further, but it always ends up badly for me, sometimes for the relationship i'm invading.

 

anyway, a few months ago, i met this girl who wass very seriously the most beautiful girl i'd ever seen. she looked like a supermodel, and when i got to know her she had a really nice personality, was fun, smart, and just so perfect in every way. she had a boyfriend already (no surprise), who had moved to england (which on the other side of the world from here). we spent quite a bit of time together, and we turned out to be mutually attracted to each other, and i was on top of the world at that time. but then it turned out she decided to move to england to be with her boyfriend.

 

anyway, i was gutted, but being in a few similar situations before, i managed to block most of it out. i'm having a hard time ever finding interest in a new girl now, because this last girl was just so completely perfect in every way, i haven't met another girl who came even close in looks or personality for me.

[thunda]

the higher u set someone up on a pedastal the more disappointed u will be when they fall...

[Drizown]

I totally get where you're coming from. I liked this guy Dylan for a long time, and he told me he liked me as well but didn't wanna date. Now he's just a jerk so that was a dud.

Then I liked an old flame mark, but he wasn't interested. Dud.

Then I went to semi formal with a friend Jon, ended up really connecting and kissing. I developed feelings for him and him for me but im still waiting to see wat happens there... doubt ne thing will so probably another dud.

Ne wayz don't give up, not all guys will be duds... i hope lol

[Dgirllamius]

I always fall for the wrong guys. They are either with someone or just simply not interested. It's so annoying! Why do I fall for these sorts of people?

 

I always seem to fall for idiots too <_>

[Lily04]

Hey, thanks for the responses! I feel a bit better now And RayKay, to answer your qusetion I think it may be because I have pretty high standards for guys I *really* like. I value intelligence & confidence in a guy a lot, along with a nice, sorta quirky & funny personality, (good looking if possible as well.) Since this combo. is hard to find, I don't get crushes easily. I had no crushes in high school at all. I had one in college, my last boyfriend I wasn't even that attracted to, but went out with him because he was ok & I ended up liking his personality..

 

The guy I was attracted to for months was one of those amazing individuals who I just clicked really well with..like the perfect guy, I thought at the time..very good looking & intelligent which is hard to find. And when I find someone I really like I fall hard. So that is why..he just has a really unique, almost mysterious personality which made him irresistible. And I think there was tension because we couldn't date for various reasons at the same time..

 

This guy I'm attracted to I almost think is out of my league, he's a graduate student..and I told myself I wouldn't like him but I was somewhat attracted to him. It's just hard because as I said, it's really hard for me to find guys who are really intelligent (unless if I actually decide to join Mensa, or something like that perhaps..although the people there are probably all nerds anyway. It seems sorta pointless.) One of my friends recommended joining the debate team or UN society because there's usually intelligent, motivated people on those teams, just to meet people but at the same time I really don't have the time. I'm on student government as well, but there's no one I'm really interested in.

 

And it's also hard to find people who are good looking..I used to model so people get intimidated by me a bit as well.. and I seem to like guys older than me (like mid-late 20s) which makes it a bit harder..because they're not so interested in dating someone my age (19).

 

Overall, it's a pretty crummy system. =(

[Lily04]

I was just thinking about this again & I think the reason why I can't find anyone is that my standards are too high..so that the guys I do actaully like are probably too good for me and nothing ever happens. i.e. they're both athletes & world chess champions, or lawyers and budding economists or something like that. Since I attend a good ivy-league university it's actually not very difficult to find people like this..but I haev to realize that such an attraction is not realistic; it would never be taken to the next level beyond simple flirtation. There's probably also some conflicts because of the age difference that usually accompanies such an attraction. SOOO..point taken. Look for people that may not be as fantastic and satisfying, but that I could haev a reasonable shot of going out with.

 

[edit] so in essense, the problem is having crushes on people way out of your league