Should I move on?

[inlove28]

I need good advice from anyone out there willing to help. My girlfriend and I broke up a couple of months ago. We were living together for a year and she asked me to move out so I did. After I moved out we saw each other a few times here and there and it would always be an emotional encounter. We agreed on not to talk or see each for a couple of weeks and we did. She has initiated all of the contact while I have been trying to move on. In October she text messaged me on my phone talking to me and wanting to see how I was doing and wanted to see me. One night she asked me to come over and we watched tv and then she began to cry and asking me what I think we should do. I told her that we are miserable without each other and I believe we should give the relationship another try. She tells me she is confused and doesn't know what she wants or if she feels the same way. A few weeks ago she instant messaged me on the computer and we went to the park to roller blade and had lunch that day. We went out for dinner that night and went back to her place and made love. I didn't hear from her for a couple of days until Thanksgiving Eve. We talked on the computer and she told me that she doesn't know what she wants and is confused. I told her that was fine, I'm moving on and wished her a Happy Thanksgiving. That night she sent me four test messages saying she misses having thanksgiving dinner with my family last year and to call her back. She was drunk with a few friends in downtown and we spoke briefly. That night when I got home I fell asleep and she called me several times on my cell phone and at home. It wasn't until 4:30 that morning that I called her back when I woke up. She asked me if I could pick her up from her house and I did. She spent the night with me and we made love the following morning at my place when we woke up and at her place. She then invited me to have thanksgiving dinner with her family that day. I agreed to that. We hung out that weekend a lot. I didn't hear from her for a couple of days until I received an email from her. She said she is confused and does not want to send me mixed signals and that she believes it's best if we move on and that I accept it. She then wished me luck on my exams and that's it. She has told me several times that she was moving on and letting go. Then she starts to call me or instant message me telling me how much she misses me. What does it mean when she tells me she is confused? Is she doing all of this because she is just lonely and doesn't have anyone in her life? Does she still have feelings for me and think about me? I haven't spoke to her since thanksgiving weekend and did not reply to her email. Is this completely over and should I move on? Will she call me during the holidays? And also, her mom still calls me once a week to talk and see how I am doing. How should I handle this? I love her but she tells me she is confused and doesn't know how she feels. Should I wait around or move on? This has been killing me for the last couple of months. I need answers please.

[trishcollins]

Wow. Sorry that you are in this mess. She does sound VERY confused, so she is right there.

 

You need to start thinking about how you feel and what's best for you. The yo-yoing is not helping that. Unfortuately you cannot make someone stop calling or text messaging you, at least not without a restraining order

 

It sounds like she is lonely without you, but not sure she wants to be with you. I would tell her in a polite way that if she is confused, than she needs to leave you alone until she really figures out what she wants. Tell her you would prefer no contact and stick to it yourself. Set a timeline -- like a month. Don't return her calls or text messages for awhile and let her settle down.

 

In time, if she really does want to get back together, she will be in touch. But only time apart will tell.

 

As for keeping in touch with her family, if you are comfortable with that, I think that would be fine. I keep in touch with my "exes" family who were basically my family for the best part of two years.

[SuperDave71]

Hey Buddy,

 

 

 

I reccomend No contact..... completely. She doesn't know what she wants and there is no need for this "rubber band effect"

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[Yorkrose23]

There is no one perfect easy answer. I wish I had an easy answer for you.

You two need to have a serious talk. You need to talk about why you needed time apart. What you miss about each other and why you want the other person in your life. Now if you have questions for her, all you can do is ask her. No one can tell you but her. If you are not satisfied with your discussion, and you really don't think things can work, then you may need to move on. But stress to her in your conversation to her what moving on entails. Tell her that you refuse to be the contingency relationship.(You are not there to be the back up guy)

But she may just really be confused. You two need time alone to talk.

If you truly want to be with her, maybe you should try some couples counseling. If not, it may be time to make some serious changes.

It sounds to me like you really love each other. You both seem to care a lot about what the other person does and how they feel.

See what can be done. Then take the appropriate steps. Good luck!

[inlove28]

I have tried no contact, it's the hardest thing ever. I forgot to mention the age difference. She is 20 going on 21 and I am 26 and graduating college in the summer. I have applied the NC method like most people in this site have. We'll not talk or see each other for a while then out of the blue she'll call me and want to talk and see me. I guess Thsnksgiving weekend made her realize she did not want this anymore. Do you think she'll call me during the holidays? Maybe even get me an xmas gift? Her mom calls me up to see how I'm doing and tells me things about her. I don't know why. Should I break contact from her mom as well? Is there any chance of us getting back together?

[trishcollins]

You are both all over the map. I think you need to put your foot down. Tell her that you want to either get back together now and work it out, or take some serious N/C time apart. Constanly having her come into you life and then leaving again, is like picking at an open wound.

 

Set a limit and stick to it. If you keep letting her wander in and out of your life whenever she pleases, you will never get this thing resolved one way or the other.