Should I answer ex H call? What's his motive?

[Teri008]

Ok, I’m try and keep this short. Me and my H have been separated for about 3 months. He left saying marriage was a mistake and so forth. I quickly went into no contact thinking I’d never hear from him again. Nobody has filed divorce yet and a lot of people on this website encouraged me to file divorce to get upper hand in a lot of things. Towards the ending ex didn’t have a cellphone because he was shopping around and undecided who he was going to do business with. Last Wednesday I got a call from a cellphone but had missed it because I was in training. They didn’t leave a voicemail or a text so I just blew it off thinking maybe it was a missed call or nothing important at all. Then the following day I received a call from same # but this time during lunch and I missed that call as well. They again didn’t leave no voicemail or text. This weekend something just told me it was him. Then sure enough today I do some investigation and it turns out it was him. (had somebody call the # and he confirmed his name) Now im not sure what to do. I haven’t had a call from him since then and I don’t plan on returning his phone call because I feel if he wanted to discuss divorce then he would have left me a voicemail or something for me to get back to him. I’m just asking for opinions I guess. I don’t plan on calling him back because I feel like I’m almost over him but what if he calls again? Should I answer him? Do you think he could be calling to possibly check up on me aka test the waters? I figure if it was about divorce then he would have left a voicemail asking me to return his phone call so we could discuss future proceedings. What do you guys think I should do next time he calls? I really don’t want to catch up if that’s his motive but don’t know at this point. What if he wants to work things out? Because I really don’t feel like trying right now and hate to answer phone and be put on spot. Thanks in advance.

[KarenC]

You'd never know until you talk to him.

 

I mean, have you missed him during these last passed few months?

[Teri008]

@Karen, Yes I did in the beginning. Of course I was heartbroken like we all have been in the beginning of the break up stage. But the pain is already gone. Now im adjusted to life without him. I don’t have any desire to talk with him. I mean, its funny because as of 2 weeks ago I was really angry still but it was mainly due to pride. But I realized I needed to forgive him so I did, that was MY closure…and had peace ever since and now he phones me? Its like they have a 6th sense when somebody actually lets go 100%. I’m not even curious how he has been because I’m sure he is fine. I guess what I’m getting at is I don’t know if I should open that door up again because I feel like I shut it for good. And I wouldn’t mind answering his call if I knew it was about divorce but I have a feeling its not because if it was that serious then he would have left a vm. I also figured that he called me during the day because hes not sure whom I’m with in the evenings and on weekends thus his motive being anything else but discussion of divorce. He always knew my ex was always trying to get back with me (father of my kids) so maybe he doesn’t feel the warm and fuzzies to call me in the evenings and weekends thinking I got back with him. . . which I didn’t . It just crazy how and maybe it isn't his motive at all but what if he wants to discuss our relationship to try again when it's too late? I mean, that's crazy ..it's crazy how this desire for him is gone. Life is funny.

[CatsMeeoow]

So what's your plan? You sound as if you are wanting to move on so at some point somebody is going to have to start divorce proceedings... what are you hoping to gain to push it off?

 

Sit down and write out 2 senarios.... 1) he is calling because he wants to start divorce proceedings... then write out a list of questions, things you need to do and how you are feeling. Is it really what you want. Compose some answers to such a senario... then 2) he is calling because he is starting to miss you and wants to see about getting together in person... write out a list of questions for him, how you are feeling in this knowledge, is it something you truly want to do?

 

Once you have done that then make the call. You won't be surprised or put on the spot because you've worked through your feelings and written out some questions for either senario.

 

If you haven't had contact in 3 months its time to get the ball rolling. If you are really over him you'd hate to be on a date and the guy starts asking questions about how long ago you divorced and you have to say something along the lines of neither of you got around to it... makes you sound like a flake to the new guy. Maybe you aren't over him in which case after 3 months you still need a game plan. I think if you sit down and actually write out some questions and feelings you will quickly discover what you feel most confident in doing.

 

Good Luck

[Teri008]

@Cats, yes maybe your right. That actually sounds like a good plan. I guess I’m still in shock. I was trying to fight my gut telling me it was him and now that I got it confirmed it just kind of takes the breathe from you. I guess I can make a list of questions for either if he does call me about divorce or IF its about getting back together. I know I’m over him but doesn’t mean I’m run to go file a divorce. To date somebody serious won’t be for a good while though I know that much. I need some me time. I just don’t understand why he didn’t leave a voicemail I guess. Or let me know it was him. Who knows. Maybe he figured I would see a miss call from a # I didn’t recognize and call back. Anyways thanks!