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He just doesn't text/call that much?

brokenhearted1

By brokenhearted1
in Dating Advice

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brokenhearted1 Apprentice

brokenhearted1

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So I recently started dating a guy and for the most part...things are going well. But I have a fear of guys only wanting sex and not a relationship. Because of this I sometimes analyze everything little thing. I am use to guys kind of chasing after me and texting and calling a lot. This guy I just started seeing I have only went out with a couple of times. Our first date was good and he didn't try anything, not even a kiss. After that he did hit me up one time, but then I didn't hear much from him.

 

So then I messaged him a few days after we'd talked and he asked when he could see me again and so we made a date. He lives a ways away, and I decided I wanted to drive to see him where he lives. I ended up spending the weekend with him. I like to wait awhile before I have sex with anyone. The first night I stayed with him he kind of tried some stuff only after we talked about sex. In which he said he hadn't thought about sex much for that night until I brought it up (fair enough).

 

The second night I stayed he never tried anything, and he held me all night long. It's too early for us to have the official or not talk, but he does refer to us as dating. He holds me a lot, and kisses my forehead a lot and is affectionate. Our time together is great and he's really engaging with me but through the phone..totally different story. Sometimes he will hit me up, and just kinda stop talking to me and sometimes I don't hear from him for awhile. But then again it is soon and rushing has never helped me...

 

I am wondering if this is kind of sounding like he maybe just wants sex or maybe more?

 

Am I over thinking stuff too soon?

 

And what is a good way of handling this type of stuff...ppl say if a guy likes you he will talk to you, but should I be taking more of an initiative?

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brokenhearted1 Apprentice

brokenhearted1

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What do you mean by "hit me up".

You are wayyyyy over thinking.

and if you want to take it slow...you don't spend a weekend with a guy and sleep in his bed...

You are sending very mixed signals.

Looking back on it...probably wasn't the best idea. Having said that..when you live far away it's kind of unrealistic to do the dating thing where you go visit for a few hours and then go home...
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brokenhearted1 Apprentice

brokenhearted1

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Whatever. You used the distance as the reason you spent the weekend with him...
I did..and that would be the basics of it. Ideally you don't live in a small town where 80% of the people you meet are tourists who live far away but when you do being open to long distance is a decent idea. But I didn't ask for advice on that. Dating local is ideal, but not always so easy.
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brokenhearted1 Apprentice

brokenhearted1

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Well you say he disappears for awhile or you don't hear from him...is that spanning weeks/months? Do you wait to hear from him or reach out to him? How many dates have you had? What has contact been like since your weekend together?

More info might help get better answers.

Well...we started talking awhile back...but no it's not usually weeks or months before I hear from him. More like days. Technically it has only been two dates...including the wknd. I guess I am use to men who are more aggressive in this aspect...
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brokenhearted1 Apprentice

brokenhearted1

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As you live far apart...if he doesn't call or text much, how is the relationship going to develop?
That is a good question...at the same time...it is soon and that could change with time? His approach kinda throws me off...most ppl I date are rush in fast kinda people.

 

That is why I am wondering if I am over thinking too much just too soon

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Me82 Apprentice

Me82

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I think you are spending too much energy in the wrong place.

2 dates is way too soon to expect a guy to call/text very often.

 

You should be more specific about "how long are you guys dating". Not sure why you don't want to be specific, but I'll assume it's been only 2 weeks. (including the weekend you spend at his house. )

To be honest that's what's happens when, in the beginning, the girl decides to go her way to see him. You don't really know if he wanted to see you, or if he was just going with the flow. He needs to show you that he is interested and make some effort .

I would say don't contact him and next date should be in your town (doesn't matter your living situation, hang out OUTside the house/ bedroom).

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missmarple Grand Master

missmarple

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Our first date was good and he didn't try anything, not even a kiss. After that he did hit me up one time, but then I didn't hear much from him.

So then I messaged him a few days after we'd talked and he asked when he could see me again and so we made a date.?

 

Without reading the rest of your post (I did read it, of course), I can tell that he's not as interested as you are. When a guy doesn't ask for a second date, even if he does after you message him, it means he's so and so about you. Maybe it's because of the distance, who knows? But no contact after first date + distance + irregular communication = I would move on.

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Yestohealing Rookie

Yestohealing

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Like the saying goes.... He's just not that into you. When a guy is interested, really interested in a woman, he will do whatever it takes to get her attention and try to make her feel special. This guy is showing that he can really care less either way.

 

And as others have said on here, you made it easy for him. There is no chase, no need to pursue because you are doing (or have done) all the work. Doing so = loss of attraction.

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