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Just been dumped, after three years for the same reason


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I need some advice, my bf just left me after three years (one year of long distance included). I have been suffering from depression lately and it has taken its toll. We always had a tough up and down relationship, with insecurities mainly on me. This stopped him seeing his friends. The last few months, it became very much me and him and noone else! He seemed to be fine with it, until now where he has dumped me because he doesnt want that commitment. The same thing happened in my other relationship. I never saw it coming because I loved spending ever evening with my bf, spending weekends etc. And now my mum says that I am to blame for relying on him to much? Is that true?


Please help me.

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I think you would be wise to read this: link removed


Neediness, insecurity, suffocation, depression ... that can drive anyone away. You cannot rely on a bf for your happiness. Then you will criticize everything he does. Your mom isn't blaming you; she is encouraging you to take responsibility and work on your behavior in relationships.

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I don't think anyone can make that assessment based on the minimal information we have here. I'm not going to jump to the conclusion that you are to blame. Yes, there is some truth in spending all your time with your partner and not with friends can be unhealthy for a relationship...but ya know, there are couples that do spend all of their time together (some that don't have their own friends because of circumstances or couples that travel a lot together)...I don't think there is anything wrong with you relying on your partner but sometimes it can be too much for the other person and you just need to conscious of that, and what their expectations are. Maybe your mom is right, but maybe not...

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I don't think it is a positive or wise thing to tell young women ... hey some couples spend all their time together - as if it is something to hope for or aspire to.


Experience is the best teacher. It doesn't matter what we say. If enough dudes leave because they felt you relied on them too much, I think you will start to find ways to rely on yourself at the very least for your own happiness.


And why in the world would that be a bad thing? You can learn to make yourself happy. And when you do, the world is your oyster.

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