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At same party as my ex boyfriend


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On the weekend my ex and I saw eachother for the first time in a year. We were at the same party on the weekend and he was there with his new girlfriend when i arrived with my friends. Since we broke up a year ago, I've tried to get together several times for closure/to leave things on a happy note (things ended kinda funny over text message, he ended our relationship in person but we stayed friends for a while, but then I ended the friendship because it was too hard). Anyway, we're both in new relationships now, but he has refused to see me, even for closure, saying it's not fair to his girlfriend or my boyfriend. So when I saw him at the party, I didn't go up and say hi because my friends suggested i don't, and also I didn't know if it was appropriate since he refused to see me in person before this event, so I didn't know if a hello would have been welcomed. We went out later in the night to a bar and he came and was dancing with his friends RIGHT behind me, but again we didn't say hello. His girlfriend was at the bar also, but he was dancing with his friends moreso than with her. Anyways, I'm just looking for thoughts as to why he didn't say hello to me. To me I feel it's maybe because he could care less about me anymore so he just didn't care to say hello. But then again, I've been nothing but nice to him since we broke up, and I've only expressed an interest in being his friend and told him I care about him despite the messy breakup we had, so why wouldnt he say hi?!!! If he's so into this new girl and so over me, wouldn't he be ok to say hello and be friendly?

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Every few months you ask this same question of why he wouldn't be ok with being friendly.

 

The answer is always the same - because he isn't. He's made it clear he think it's inappropriate since you both have new partners, you simply won't accept his explanation.

 

I believe what termus123 has said. I think it proves he's got unresolved feelings which he doesn't want to deal with.

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I believe what termus123 has said. I think it proves he's got unresolved feelings which he doesn't want to deal with.

 

I ran into an ex from long ago walking downtown towards my office. I ignored him. I don't have unresolved feelings, I just didn't really care enough to engage with him.

 

I think your ego is looking for some reason that he would be tied to you. But I remember your threads from LOONG ago when he first left.

 

He initiated pulling away. He initiated the break. He initiated the break up. He initiated being friends. He initiated the phase out of the friendship. He's initiated ignoring you. Basically, you have gone through almost a year and a half of a FADE OUT which gave him PLENTY of time to get over things with you.

 

But on the other side, I think you are (not surprisingly) feeling very rejected because you were holding on to hope for SOMETHING with him for so long.

 

So while I understand why you are so invested in thinking that he magically has unresolved feelings, I think anyone who has followed the thread from the beginning might have a different take.

 

How is your relationship going?

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He initiated pulling away. He initiated the break. He initiated the break up. He initiated being friends. He initiated the phase out of the friendship. He's initiated ignoring you. Basically, you have gone through almost a year and a half of a FADE OUT which gave him PLENTY of time to get over things with you.

?

 

Actually I initiated friendship after the breakup, and then I initiated the ending of the friendship because I came to realize I didn't want to wait around forever for him to "decide" if he wanted to be with me. Our friendship after our breakup lasted 5 months nearly, and then I ended it. I stupidly ended it over text message. After the friendship ended we had time apart where we didn't speak, but yes I initiated trying to get together after that and he always said no because he had began seeing someone new and he didn't think it was right to see one another anymore.

 

I just think it's immature that after a year of breaking up you can't be amicable with one another when in the same place. If i were his girlfriend at the party, I'd have been questioning why he didn't say hello and why he didn't introduce me. I'd have been uncomfortable there with her there and introducing us would have made it less awkward.

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Maybe he has decided that he simply doesn't want to be friends with you. Can't win them all.

 

Exactly. Sometimes it ain't that deep!

 

I just think it's immature that after a year of breaking up you can't be amicable with one another when in the same place. If i were his girlfriend at the party, I'd have been questioning why he didn't say hello and why he didn't introduce me. I'd have been uncomfortable there with her there and introducing us would have made it less awkward.

 

Whoa, slow your roll..

 

I'm not sure why you think you he should introduce his girlfriend to you to make you more comfortable.. He's not obligated to introduce you two or to even talk to you (which he did not).

 

It's clear your ego is on the line, as you're aching to be acknowledged.. On the flip side, if you're truly happy with your boyfriend why are you expending so much mental energy on an Ex?

 

It's sounds like everything you're accusing him of (being immature, having unresolved feelings) are things you're actually guilty of! Ask yourself, how would you feel if you found out your boyfriend was obsessing over interactions with his Ex-girlfriend??

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Exactly. Sometimes it ain't that deep!

 

I'm not sure why you think you he should introduce his girlfriend to you to make you more comfortable.. He's not obligated to introduce you two or to even talk to you (which he did not).

 

No I was putting myself in his now girlfriend's shoes.... i was saying if i were her and I was at a party where my boyfriend's ex girlfriend was, I'd want to meet her so that there isn't that elephant in the room.

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No I was putting myself in his now girlfriend's shoes.... i was saying if i were her and I was at a party where my boyfriend's ex girlfriend was, I'd want to meet her so that there isn't that elephant in the room.

 

That's all good and well, but you have to remember that's how you would prefer it handled. Maybe she didn't want to make small talk with her boyfriend's ex girlfriend, and found the idea of that more awkward than ignoring you. My point is, you're making a lot of assumptions without actually knowing how they felt.

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