Double date etiquette?

[sammi87]

My husband and I enjoy all different kinds of social activities. There are times we are up for a big party but there are also times we enjoy a quieter double date.

 

So we both get a little irritated when we invite a couple/s to a festival/concert/movie...and then are told upon arrival we have to meet up with__________________ (usually someone/s we have never met before).

 

The last time this happened, it turned out that the other couple had invited 3 other people who were: A, Very late. B, Not good about communicating before wandering off. And C, drank themselves to the point of obnoxious. The result was we spent nearly the whole time standing around waiting for these folks or escorting them over to the bathrooms.

 

I'm wondering if it is fair or unfair for me to consider this kind of behavior rude? On one hand, it is a public place...so technically anyone who wants to can attend. But on the other...it does seem polite to inform the other couple if there is a change of plans like a time change or adding other people. It does drastically change the tone of things when you go from a relaxing evening with a couple you know well to trying to make awkward chit chat all night with a bunch of strangers...

[t1lersm0m1]

I think your friends should inform, or ask, to invite someone else. If I went out to dinner/drinks with a girlfriend, and I showed up with someone else (let's say a girlfriend the other girlfriend doesn't know) I would definitely say "Hey, do you mind if so and so tags along?" If she said yes, then I'd say Ok, I'll see you at 6. If she said no,then I'd bring so and so. And if she said yes, I would not be mad at all!

 

I think it's called common courtesy. You went to dinner or an activity with the expectation of it being the other couple, not a big group of people you don't know who proceed to get intoxicated.

[Edmund Exley]

This is more reflective to the couple you planned the event with, not double dating in general.

 

Yes, you have a little bit of a right to be upset. Your evening was intruded upon by obnoxious behavior. If you want to spend time with the friends you planned with again I would voice that you would rather not be surrounded by drunks.

[sammi87]

I see what you're saying, Edmund... But this was just the most recent example. We actually have several friends that do this to us, haha!

[sammi87]

Thank you, t1lers. That's what I was taught was polite while growing up... But I know double-dating is sorta old fashioned...so I wasn't sure if this was the new norm!

[Edmund Exley]

I see what you're saying, Edmund... But this was just the most recent example. We actually have several friends that do this to us, haha!

 

Well then maybe you need to be more vocal in stating the expectation. And if its common with friends being drunk to the point of obnoxious, and that doesn't work for you, maybe you need a new group of friends who don't need to be fall down drunk.

[tattoobunnie]

I find that additional couples are invited because they find that the original couple who made the plans kind of blah to begin with to them. Or your friends like to booze out, and will invite those that will booze out with them. Just like any relationship, it's a numbers game!! That includes who you double-date with. Couples my hubby and I DD with don't actually invite others to our shindig. Although, we are older, and I have a kid that, so that kinda makes people not wanna invite others - hahah. Pre-baby, I was always very group oriented, and invited everyone under the sun, cuz frankly, I like to get people to network, make new friends, change up the dynamics - and we all rolled with it.

 

But very specifically, if you want to ice someone out, when you invite your couple friends, make a point to bring up, "wow, so and so were so late last time, and I noticed that they couldn't hold their liquor - is everything cool with them as a couple?" It will make the couple you invite pretty hesitant on inviting them out with you cuz it screams DRAMA!

 

I think though, that when it comes to friends, everyone can become one, and everyone is different. You can't control others who over drink that evening while having a good time. You can only point it out after the fact, and be sure to used the words, relaxing, and laid back to describe what you are looking for on the double date. And if things are last minute or the atmosphere gets rolling, and you can't beat them, join them. You'll have plenty of rug-rats that rob you of that opportunity for essentially the rest of your life!

[Ms Darcy]

Another strategy is to invite the couples you like to limited seat events like restaurant dinners or dinners at your home so they cannot invite others along.

[abitbroken]

I would expect that if you are going out to the bar or festival - expect the more the merrier. If you just want to make plans with one couple, then you tell them "JoeBob and I would like to have you and BobbyJoe over for dinner tomorrow night". Or that you have four tickets to the play and wondered if they would like to come with you.

 

I would think about getting some new friends too - like a couple you sometimes talk to at church, school, whatever and invite them to dinner to get to know them better.

[sammi87]

Edmund, we don't really have friends that get drunk to the point of obnoxious...but friends of friends? What can ya do?

 

And it isn't always a drunk thing... Sometimes it's just as simple as not feeling up to meeting/chatting with a bunch of strangers.

[sammi87]

No, no tattobunnie, we won't. Some folks go their whole life without having rug-rats believe it or not.

 

And we are often, group oriented. Parties? Sure. Invite everyone under the sun. But there are other times when we want to do something more laid back or simple.