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He pulled away... because of work stress?


Betty101

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Hello,

 

I have been with this guy for three months... Everything went well but this week he is having some issues (stressful and serious) at work and stopped texting me. He replies to my texts right away, but briefly and somehow cold, and hasn't texted first for few day now.

 

Is it work stress or something else? Guys, what do you think?

 

Thank you all.

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Hello,

 

I have been with this guy for three months... Everything went well but this week he is having some issues (stressful and serious) at work and stopped texting me. He replies to my texts right away, but briefly and somehow cold, and hasn't texted first for few day now.

 

Is it work stress or something else? Guys, what do you think?

 

Thank you all.

 

 

Who knows, really. I been going out with this girl and after 3 months she hits the breaks and says she's afraid, afraid because she loves me and has been waiting for someone like me for a long time.Still trying to figure out why the breaks get hit on something so wonderful. My point is there is no telling why he's pulled back, it could be anything. I guess I'm rare because I'm a guy who shares his feeling and happened to find a girl who has a wall up now, un- frickn- real.

 

All I can say is keep communicating but don't smother.

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I know, you are right. it is just difficult to accept that he can't just text good night or anything that will let me know he is at least thinking of me.

He was talking about this particular difficult week and i knew it was coming but couldn't suppose he would react the way he did.

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I can understand that since this is a new-ish relationship, you might be insecure. However, since he's already warned you about the upcoming workload that he's going to have -it sounds like he's given you a reasonable explanation as to why he's not going to be as available to you.

 

Don't let your insecurities get to you. Use this time to chill out from the relationship and have some "me" time or hang out with friends you might not have seen in a while.

 

He's already experiencing stress at work, so hopefully you aren't adding more stress to him by bothering him too much or possibly acting needy. If however, you are acting supportive and understanding of the situation, he'll appreciate that much more. Maybe you could send him a good luck card to his workplace as a sweet reminder that you can't wait to see him again once his workload lessens.

 

My brother's girlfriend gets into a similar situation as this every now and then with my brother. My brother will often have to work overtime to meet the deadlines that are demanded by the clients. It's either do or die. You have to meet the deadlines, and that means stress and overtime work. Unfortunately, his girlfriend wasn't very understanding and threw childish tantrums over him not tending to her needs. Pretty selfish move on her part. She only added more stress on top of the stress and pressure he was already getting from clients, colleagues, and the boss.

 

His girlfriend was a student in college at the time though, and had no tangible concept of how the real world works. If you don't step up at work, you either get fired, get low marks on your quarterly review or lose the promotion or bonus.

 

You should appreciate that your boyfriend is working so hard to be successful in his career. All that hard work translates into getting a higher salary and bonus and eventually promotions.

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Okay so I've been dating a guy about 2 months and one month in my work life got insanely complicated....I reacted just like your guy did...I'll respond to him but I just don't have it in me to initiate right now. As long as he is responding and is making some time for you when he can don't take it personally. when work gets back to normal so will your relationship....as long as you don't freak out now.

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ok , I just have some updates. He texted me, asked about my evening and told me the things are still bad at work. I made kind of stupid joke about his situation and said I was watching a movie.

His reply: Your jokes are not funny. Maybe, you should be working on that instead of watching bad movies.

 

wooooow, i am speechless. It is just not him, I would never think he could say something like that.

 

Thoughts? Should I ever accept apology if he offers at all? woooow

p.S. joke wasn't insulting or mean or anything... just stupid, little joke.

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Sounds like he was teasing you.

 

If you like this guy, you might consider developing the habit of giving him the benefit of doubt instead of jumping straight into a drill for injury.

 

You're going to wear yourself out and unravel over something small.

 

The guy saw this work pattern coming and warned you about it. You're overlooking that to create a crisis. Skip that, and find something constructive to focus on--or you'll blow this.

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The situation is: His boss is here and they are arguing a lot. i asked when she was going back, he said he didn't know and ironically said "maybe never".

 

My joke was " maybe she will move here so you two can work together". I don't think it was such an inappropriate joke.

 

Believe, it wasn't teasing because there was no good night or anything else after that text.

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The situation is: His boss is here and they are arguing a lot. i asked when she was going back, he said he didn't know and ironically said "maybe never".

 

My joke was " maybe she will move here so you two can work together". I don't think it was such an inappropriate joke.

 

Believe, it wasn't teasing because there was no good night or anything else after that text.

 

He'll get over it, and you need to stop this and do the same. You're going to nit-pick this thing to it's death.

 

Decide you want to be a positive Gf and a positive person--then challenge yourself to start thinking and behaving that way.

 

See what happens.

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Thank you guys for your effort and support, I really, really appreciate it.

 

I don't want to sound stubborn but who can say "your jokes are not funny, maybe you should work on it instead of watching bad movies" to a girl he likes.

 

How am I going to get over it?

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I don't think he was teasing, or if he was he was being incredibly insensitive about it.

I totally agree that when work is stressful, it tends to be the only focus for a while until you are out of the woods. But I do still feel a little bad when my other half is left feeling a little neglected, and throwing out a snappy comment like that can only do harm.

 

I wouldn't message him again, I would take this as him letting you know that you're stepping on his toes (even if he did initiate the text)

 

If you're going to be the stress relief for his stressful work life, then make sure it's not through verbal punching bag. Maybe my standards are way too high or that I am too nitpicky as well, but if that stops me from putting up with nasty texts like that then I quite like that feature about me

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I totally agree with you and that is how I feel, like he is relieving his stress in insensitive, even mean way. I won't text him for sure, I can't even picture the two of us together again (that is how bad I feel at the moment). The problem is I just like him sooooo much.

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The situation is: His boss is here and they are arguing a lot. i asked when she was going back, he said he didn't know and ironically said "maybe never".

 

My joke was " maybe she will move here so you two can work together". I don't think it was such an inappropriate joke.

 

Believe, it wasn't teasing because there was no good night or anything else after that text.

 

I disagree. What you said to him was immature, insensitive and really annoying. I'd be upset as well if someone said that to me. Total lack of caring and understanding from your part. That "joke" seems to be an underlying passive aggressive way of antagonizing him because likely you're resenting his choice to focus on his job instead of on you. I'm pretty certain he interpreted it that way too since he responded to you in such a sarcastic manner.

 

If it were me stressed out at my job and getting into conflicts with my boss, the last thing I would want is for my partner to be flippantly making fun of my situation. Not to mention, making sarcastic jokes over text is the worst habit people can get into because of all the possible misinterpretations and miscommunication. What is that old but sage saying, 75% of communication is nonverbal.

 

It may make you feel better to think that you're right about him being a jerk, but so that you're warned, you are definitely picking the wrong battles in your relationship.

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Why don't you quit the texting and talk on the phone. You are dating. Why not say "i am sorry that you are going through this." and do something nice for him instead of focusing on how he used to be so sweet. He is going through a bad time and why not do something to be kind? Bake a coffee cake for him to take to the office, drop off a coffee to him if that is what he likes. if you guys were farther along, i would say take care of an errand for him.

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[...] I guess I am just too sensitive and insecure when it comes to him.

 

Yes, you are. He gave you fair warning that his job focus will need to peak at this time. That's his livelihood. Instead of moving your own focus on to productive things and catching up together at a better time, you're stopping your own life to dwell and drill into his lack of attention as an injury. This caused you to nibble around the edges of his focus and dig in with provocation. Now you're injured by his response.

 

Why not quit the schoolgirl stuff? Move your focus onto something productive in your own life. When things are better for him he will let you know. Then you can meet up like two adults and enjoy one another.

 

If you don't like him enough to overlook a snide remark, then stop wasting your time.

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Thank you guys for the replies. In the end, I apologized to him for being insensitive but I still think he didn't have to be that sarcastic and could have chosen better words.

Now, I need to be patient.

 

He was just responding to snark with snark. You might not see your comment as being snarky, but it was. If you dish it out and can't handle the consequences, then you should be the one thinking about being more careful with your remarks.

 

I'm glad you are at least trying even if you do find it challenging. I hope you listen to the other advice on here and just allow some breathing space for him and for yourself. You sound very young with your head in the clouds. Come back down to earth so you'll feel better and more grounded.

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