Emotional Abuse?

[Tatertot1153]

I'm not sure how to start,

 

Back in June I started seeing my current boyfriend. We accidently fell pregnant within weeks of dating, me being 18 weeks now. We live together as of recently and have tried to make things work.

 

But over the past few months his attitude and behaviour has been deteriorating, and it's only towards me. He shows me no respect at all. His biggest thing is jealousy and trust; he insists he trusts me yet he won't "allow" me to talk to any of my male friends, and even gets ty if I talk to my brothers what seems to be the "wrong way" (Example: My brother told me I looked nice in a photo, and he thought that was disgusting and put me down for it). If I even speak to a male who he doesn't know, which can be a short "Hi", he'll be mad at me, to the point where he yells, tells me to "Go be with them", and it pretty much just sets his entire mood off for hours. I've adressed it with him countless times, and he tells me he has anxiety and simply doesn't trust males, but why is it so severe?

 

Another thing is my appearance. I wanted hair extensions, and he got extremely upset and angry at me because he thought other males are going to look at me, and told me that I dont need any of that extra confidence because I'm with him now. Same with makeup, if I wear makeup out without him, he constantly asks me who I'm trying to impress, who I'm seeing, why I'm putting so much effort in, when all I really wear is basic makeup.

 

Being pregnant, I don't like to have sex either, and it's not like I don't get in the mood but sometimes I just dont want to. This has caused an extreme issue, where he will constantly ask me for sex, and if I'm not up for it he claims I don't love him, or I'm getting it somewhere else. Earlier on in our relationship he wouldn't allow me to masturbate either, but now he masturbates all the time.

 

There's still more things, like when he becomes angry, he tends to yell, punch things, smash things. He cant contain anger like a normal person, it just doesn't happen. Earlier this morning, he became angry because the internet was still down, and proceeded to smash the router, the TV, his computer mouse, headbutted our concrete wall and then started on me; asking why I didn't cuddle him last night (I did, he was just asleep), when this wasn't good enough he started about not going to work because I dont care about him. I assured him I do, and that he needs to go to work to support our family as we have no other choice. Then, he got in my face, called me a Jew, said he would not pay his part of the rent and would spend it on himself from now on.

 

I could go on forever but I'm sure you get the ghist of it. I want to know what this is. He blames anxiety, but it can't be. If anyone could just give me some advice in this situation that would be great?

[mandy86]

I am a survivor of domestic violence and I know it is confusing and hard to understand. He is getting insecure about your appearance and wont allow you to talk to men without getting jealous. Also I am concerned about his violent outbursts because he is making threats, punching things and becomes really angry. It could be a matter of time before he starts hitting you. It sounds like he is financially abusive, emotionally and psychologically abusive.

My advice would be if you don't / can't leave the relationship, make a safety plan in case things get violent. What I did was I told one trusted friend my situation and called her when things got too heated. I went to her place until things calmed down. Have your local police station's number handy just in case he gets violent towards you. I know its hard to call the police because in a way you love him, no matter what he does. But it is good just to have it in your phone for safety reasons. When he gets threatening / abusive don't provoke it, just let it pass and try not to say anything at all to him. Silence is best even if you don't agree.

 

All the best.

[Edmund Exley]

Are you truly ready to raise a child in this type of environment so that your child can learn this behavior?

 

That is indeed how this will play out, and you will live a lonely, unfulfilled life in the meantime. One day your child will treat you the same way. Monkey see, monkey do.

[Kendahke]

He is an abuser and it's just a matter of time before he starts punching and kicking you. He is already being unreasonably controlling to the point where I wonder if he has mental illness. All of what he is doing to plain silly and immature. They always blame other guys for their insecurity/anxiety, but you will notice that he's not trying to control them--the source of his insecurity and anxiety: he's controlling you.

 

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with being Jewish--why would that even come out of his mouth?

 

If he's not going to pay rent then he needs to leave.

 

Where is your family in all this? You need to leave him and go live with your family. You need people around you who are going to protect you from this madman.

 

The next time he starts in with his destroying property and screaming at you and punching things, call the police.

[alli]

I hope you will find a women's shelter. Don't tell him you are leaving. Just do it. Take only what you can carry with you, or get a close friend or family member to help you. Get out of there quick and don't tell him where you are. I also recommending consulting a lawyer. It will be more difficult for you to keep him at bay forever if you have his child.

[jimmyginger87]

I encourage you to start a regular meditation practice

Meditation brings smoothness of emotion and ability to deal with adversity

Ten minute intervals over and over daily or twenty min three times a day changed my abilty to deal with rage, and hatred, and violence fell away

Make sure it is single pointed zen meditation