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Seems like lack of motivation and depression everyday...


Xin

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Everyday I feel like I just have a severe lack of motivation to get out of the room to do something. I feel depressed and nothing seems to make me happy. Yes, there has been a lot going on recently, and I shouldn't be depressed.

 

First off I have school. I recently got into my major, computer science, but I have had no motivation to do the school work. I don't read and even though the work is easy for me, I do is halfheartedly 30 minutes before it's due. I don't know if I am doing well so far because it's early in the quarter, but I've also been skipping a lot of class. I recently moved into a place closer to school as well, and I pretty much just stay in my room all day and rarely interact with the housemates. They are cool people, but I am really not feeling up to communicating with anyone.

 

While school is my main concern because it is my future, another reason besides school which is why I am so out of mood is related to a girl I met. I made a lot of threads about her before but I can't seem to get over her. We never had an official relationship, but she said she wanted a secret one until she broke it off with her last ex. She would tell me she misses me and loves me everyday, and I loved her, too. However, the fact she was still sleeping at her ex's place and keeping him around was too much for me. She told me she is doing this because she is an international student, and so she belongs to a community of friends that are all from her country, him included. To hang out with her friends, she has to hang out with him, but honestly I didn't want to deal with the BS.

 

It got worse in that my parents got involved because they could see my depression and they also met her. My parents are not very gentle people; they yelled at me over the issue which is not really helping me at all. Also, my parents have been in contact with the girl I met, especially my mom. The girl has been telling my mom that she is serious with me and that she cannot resolve her situation with her ex right now. She even bought my mom an expensive necklace from Las Vegas for her birthday. What my mom doesn't know is that she went on the trip with her community of friends, her ex included. My mom is convinced that she is serious with me and really loves me. I don't think my mom's judgement is bad, but even if this girl does love me what she is doing is unacceptable to me. Even so I can't get over the fact even though I try to ignore or avoid her. Every time we come into contact, I put her on blast because I'm just angry and upset at how should could do this, so I've been trying to avoid it overall.

 

I used to work out a lot, which is good for me, but in the new place near school, the nearest gym is a far drive away and the school's gym sucks. I'm not much of a runner; I do a lot of weight lifting. I haven't been keeping up with it because the weights at my school gym are way too light and they don't even have a bench press or squat rack. I've just been not working out then also due to lack of motivation and depression.

 

I seriously have not been able to talk to anyone. If I talk to my parents, they'll just yell at me. If I try to talk to the girl, she has already gotten sick of my complaints because I complain about her ex every time we talk. She told me that she is depressed and stressed, too, because she also has school, but also because her ex knows about me and he is trying to control her. She also said she is stressed and depressed because we cannot be together right now, but I am not sure if I can believe that or not. I would work out but I seriously have no motivation to do so. There were times I considered suicide, but I know that is not the right choice. I still have no idea what I should do though. There have literally been days where I would get up, go on the computer, and watch random videos and sleep all day. And when I'm tired of random videos, since I don't like gaming anymore, I would literally lay down on the floor or some surface and have like a self induced mini seizure. It sounds ridiculous but I really see no purpose in my life right now.

 

I know that out of all the things I do want, especially when I regard my current situation, is that I really want to have some kind of positive love life. My last serious relationship ended badly 2 years ago. I was single during that time, and I was okay and tried not to think about things. When I met this new girl, I was very happy until I found out about the situation, and now I feel like I'm in a constant mood that you feel after a break-up. Just that hung over state. It doesn't help that during the 2 years I was single, I did meet 3-4 girls who I did like, but 2 of them were huge flirts and I found out so I dropped them, and another girl already had a boyfriend, so it seems like my love life is a fail from the start.

 

I also do want to get a job, or do something to make money. I don't know what I'm going to do with the money, but I just feel a huge lack of purpose. If I have money then... I have no idea how to spend it but it would be nice to have it around just in case. I'm not materialistic and I am okay with a small amount of possessions. Having a job may also just give me something to do.

 

it just seems like everything about life is wrong right now.

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You are stuck in a hard place right now. I have been in a similar situation but I chose to keep dating a woman who totally belittled me. I can tell you this i think it's good to have people who care about you and also parents who have a high regard for your sanity. I was in a deep depression after the events I had to endure with my ex. She cheated on me and would break up with me every three weeks. You sound like a smart person and I think you should focus on your schooling and also your career choices. I am 36 and I don't know how old you are but I can tell you this much for every woman out there there are others who will replace your feelings after time. i would go work out do the things you like doing and trust me all will fall into place. I also prayed a lot in the last last months and it seemed to help me out a lot.

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I feel for you.

 

Sometimes, humans just get stuck in a rut and it seems as though everything is going downhill or changing or whatnot. It's not fun and you feel helpless. I have just recently been in this place, so I can empathize with you.

 

Don't give up. Therapy helped me a lot and I think that you should look into it. Oppressive parents do not help and your mom should not be meddling in your relationships like she is so I think you need to stand up to her regarding this. If they yell at you, so be it. Keep your distance for a while and they will get it.

 

Look for a therapist, or if you do not have insurance or cannot afford it, seek out a counselor at school. I agree that at this point you need to reignite your passion and purpose in your career, but that doesn't mean you can't have a fulfilling relationship or explore or do things that make you happy. Pick up a hobby. Painting, model airplanes, website creating, drawing, writing, balloon-making --- whatever brings you joy.

 

Don't fear. It will get better, you have to trust that. YOU are in control of your life. You need to drop toxic people, people who bring you down, and even if it is your parents then keep a distance for now. Focus on YOU. Grab a coffee with a classmate or friend. Just chill out. Take a walk, listen to some awesome film scores, think about what really matters to you in your life. You may be in a rut, but you won't be there forever.

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You need to find something you love to do and then you need to do it religiously. Stop talking to this girl she is bad news, just no contact her for real! I'll tell you what i do when i am feeling sad, i play handball and i made handball friends, i really love that sport, before that i would run and run and run until i could run no more. Women troubles are hard, but there is more to life then women.

 

You can make yourself happy if you find something you loved. Don't depend on a women to give you the happiness you think you need from them. This will only lead into these troubles. Also, just let your mom have her say but don't take her too seriously, she just wants the best for you. Once you get this girl out of your head and start focusing on your studies and find a part time job, you will be making friends and finding new things to love.

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