Just needed to double check regarding Online dating..

[Dougie_D]

I'm sure most of you are aware that most online dating sites show you who have "visited you"

 

I'm a male, and I do most of the messaging. When I see a girl that I have messaged before and she doesn't reply but had visited me, is it safe to say that I got rejected?

 

And what are the possible reasons? I would assume she was at least SOMEWHAT interested to click on my profile?!

 

This happens about 4/10 girls. 6/10 don't even visit!

[Coolstorybro]

How do you know whether someone is your type if you don't know about them?

 

I've learnt to let them contact me, the ones I contact who do respond end up BSing me.

[Dougie_D]

How do you know whether someone is your type if you don't know about them?

 

I've learnt to let them contact me, the ones I contact who do respond end up BSing me.

 

Well, the last time a girl actually contacted me with out me messaging them first was like NEVER. And i've been on Okcupid for over 3 years. You are right though. I had a girl that eventually asked me out on a date and 3 hours before we were suppose to meet she cancelled. Never talked to her again. It bothers me that I do all the messaging and s I barely get people to respond back.

[missmarple]

I click on many profiles but I only like maybe 1/10. Maybe I'll like the picture and not something else in the profile, that happens very often. Or the opposite..it depends.

[missmarple]

For example, I just now rejected a guy's friend request on a dating site even though he's the right age and his profile nice and his pic is ok and I had clicked on his profile first. Why? Because in the age range of women he's interested in, he's put 25 to 50. He's 48. I rejected him because I can't see a guy interested in 25yos as serious relationship material.

[RJmed76]

Your gonna let his openness to dating someone half his age of a reason not to talk to him? Kinda sounds shallow to me. Your gonna let your perceptions of an unknown cloud your judgment for a reality. Online dating is worse then high school.

[Gilson]

There will be women I find interesting/attractive visit my profile multiple times over weeks/months and when I initiate contact they don't respond. Sometimes they continue to look at my profile frequently.

 

I don't understand it.

 

There was one who had looked my profile a couple times a week for months. I wasn't super interested but also wasn't ready to block her so during a lull in activity, I liked one of her pics and sent her an email. Within a day she had similarly liked one of my photos, then promptly either blocked me or hid her profile without saying anything at all.

 

There's another I'm suer interested in meeting and I had 'favorited' her for some time and eventually sent her an appropriate lighthearted email with a cute subject line referencing something mundane in her profile and citing other things from her profile in the body of my brief email. This was months ago. She never responded yet still visits my profile from time to time.

 

You'll drive yourself nuts if you keep rying to figure it out.

 

I too usually let women approach me. If I don't like them, I delete them. If I do, I respond provided their initial email is better than "hi, want to chat?" It's funny because it seems the women I meet who approach me are many times more interesting than those that I initiate contact with. Besides, if it's true that women get many many many emails per day, why should I bother to write if my email is just going to get lost?

 

 

On another site one time a really attractive women contacted me out of the blue and simply asked if I'd like to do coffee or a drink some time, then she kept cancelling on me. I know she's a real person because I've seen her in a place we both frequent.

 

Been emailing with a women about an hour away ALL summer who initiated contact. Tried several times to meet but it never worked out.

[simplexity]

If you message someone and they visited your profile ,and they did not reply, it means that they checked on you and checked whther you are what they are lloking for, so if they did not reply , more probably you are not what they are looking for..

And since you mentioned that no one seems to message you, how about considering to revamp your profile, there might be something written there that might be a factor why you're not getting messaged at?

[Fudgie]

What sort of females are you messaging? What is your personal criteria that you use when you search and decide who to message?

[missmarple]

Your gonna let his openness to dating someone half his age of a reason not to talk to him? Kinda sounds shallow to me. Your gonna let your perceptions of an unknown cloud your judgment for a reality. Online dating is worse then high school.

 

I don't see what's shallow about it. We all have our dealbreakers. For me, shallow is a guy who wants to date women half his age. What could a 50yo have in common with a 25yo?

[Dougie_D]

What sort of females are you messaging? What is your personal criteria that you use when you search and decide who to message?

 

It varies. It's usually random. If the girl doesn't have much to say in her profile I won't write even if I was interested in the first place. I always message something about her profile, NEVER her picture. Here are examples:

 

"The 90's was the best! Wow.. that's exciting you got to ride on a camel. Are they as slow as they look?"

 

"You hate celery?! You must not have had it with peanut butter! That's the best! Anyways, where are you originally from?"

 

"Weekends are the best, right?! Where's a place you'd like to go back to from your travels?"

[Gilson]

Dougie, no offence, but I wouldn't respond that approach(s) either. I don't know what specifically is wrong with them. Maybe I don't like the exclamation marks (!).

 

I initiated contact a few days ago and the best I could come up with were answers to some of her random, possibly-hypothetical questions or my view on a few things she said. I just said "Hi." and rambled off a few things. Done. And so far that's working out.

 

One time I decided to try the "Hi, how are you" -only approach and it worked well, but briefly.

 

You know what else I'm learning? Do. not. get. overly. excited when someone NEW sets you as a favorite and/or winks and/or likes a pic and/or...the moment they set up an account because chances are, you're not the only one...especially if they're completely new to online dating. I don't know how many times I've fallen for this just for them to disappear shortly after or they're doing all these things and haven't yet paid up (say, on link removed)

 

But then sometimes, you need to get your foot in the door early. sometimes you need to prey on the noobies.

[blueidealist24]

Yeah, all the exclamation marks make you sound a bit TOO excited, although the lines themselves are good. Maybe just stick to one or two exclamation marks. Btw, to everyone in this thread, if men wait for women to message them they hardly ever get messages. That's what everyone I've talked to says.. the women hardly ever message the men first. I actually messaged men occasionally when I was doing online dating, but that's because I wanted a man I thought was better suited to me than the ones who were contacting me lol.

[Fudgie]

Dougie,

 

I think there's an issue in how you're responding. It feels generic. It feels like you're saying "oh crap I can't comment on her picture so what's something from her profile that I could mention to demonstrate that I read it?? "

It feels canned. People go there to date, not to talk about camels and celery. The best messages I got from guys were those that were a bit heartfelt and they went into detail about the sort of woman they were looking for. It sort of cut right to the chase without being too overwhelming or heavy.

[mfan]

If the girl doesn't have much to say in her profile I won't write even if I was interested in the first place.

 

I'm with you on this. If there's nothing for me to write a message about then I won't message her. I just need something--anything--to start a little conversation about. Even the word "travel" would at least let me write "I see that you like traveling. I just got back from [place] myself and it was so much fun to enjoy the natural world and taste the local cuisine. Did you get to do any traveling this summer"?

 

But no, even that much they don't include. Profile after profile is just opaque stuff like "I am warm-hearted and people say I am a good friend; I like Colgate but not Crest, worms but not snails, red wine but not white, the bus but not the subway, jeans but not khakis, swings but not the see-saw, I love to laugh and my family [sic], going to the gym and CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!"

 

It's amazing how LONG a profile can be and still not include a single conversation topic. How do women do it?!

 

Sorry to interrupt your thread Dougie, just when I read that it struck a chord with me. Best of luck.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I only really respond to messages that are a few paragraphs long.

[Alezia]

I do admire the fact that you are trying to open a conversation Dougie. If I was the poor girl who hated celery, I'd probably just walk away at this point. Just because it would seem like you are trying way too hard to poke fun or get with her. Being playful is fair game AFTER you've had some amount of conversation. Keep those questions after you've at least exchanged a few lines - and let them be about your conversation as it's going along, not just her profile.

[mfan]

I liked Dougie's celery comment. However, I find that often women don't remember what's in their profiles, so it's important to preface these letters with an introduction, like "I see from your profile you hate celery but you love hiking. Actually, there's a hiking trip in the Adirondacks that you might be interested in-- oh wait, I think they serve celery on this trip, never mind I like this approach when addressing something a woman "hates" in a funny way. Combine it with something they like, and put it to her.

 

Note: So far I've never gotten a response doing this, but I don't have enough data to draw a conclusion.