Should I try something? If so, what approach?

[abysmal]

Well, so, I am in a foreign language class with this girl and I had noticed over the last couple of weeks that she was somewhat struggling, as her responses in class weren't always accurate, etc.. When I ran into her by accident in the Student Union, I asked how things were in the class and if this was something she wanted to pursue further or just an elective. We had a brief but pretty good conversation and I saw her again in class earlier today (Wednesday). She arrived late, didn't have her notes and someone occupied her seat so she sat beside me and asked to share the notes. I happily obliged, and we reviewed a little while, but I was a bit shy and nervous as I always get around people I find attractive.

 

So anyways I can see at least an acquaintance beginning to form, but I don't know when or if it would be appropriate to say, "hey, here's my student email and phone number if you would like to study the class materials sometime."

 

I would like to build on acquaintances and see where that goes but need great advice on how to navigate the situation at a steady, but positive direction. I want give it a concerted effort with my patience and emotions to see that I don't get wound tight again thinking how great this person is, yada yada. I want it to be different this time but I'm not sure how to be patient and subtle in my advances and not reek of desperation/over-excitement.

 

Thank you for your thoughts.

[LostRhino]

Good luck! I'm getting ready to move in on my "acquaintance” too. At least you have a class in common to work with..I'm drawing dead lol. I would definitely work the class angle unless you can talk to her and find another common interest. Will it be easy for you to talk to her again next time you see her?

[abysmal]

Our class is an hour, three times a week, so the opportunity will be there, and I think maybe If I'm going to take a chance I better offer my email Friday instead of putting it off. I'll be less likely to do so If I wait too long. Just hope it won't be too forward.

[LostRhino]

Yeah I'm in the same boat...Friday is my big day too. I'm pretty much doing it for the same reason. I know if I put it off I will get frustrated and give up. We got this!

[LostRhino]

Mine failed..how did yours go?

[Thorshammer]

You will only look desperate and weak if you are desperate and weak. I can say a desperate and weak persons same words, but confidently and carelessly, and regardless of the result- i will most likely not look desperate and weak. Jump in and learn now, win or lose you need the experience to build on.

[abysmal]

Lost, she didn't show up. Will try Monday. How did you fail?

 

Thorshammer, I can pull it off, I just would like to attempt to initiate something without putting any pressure on her, real smoothly. Problem is not that I am desperate, but I have an inferiority complex.. I do not feel adequate enough, attractive enough, interesting enough.. Can't shake that mentality. so I have a lot of doubt and I want to make a possible rejection the least painful for me that I can.

[LostRhino]

I did a boyfriend check before I asked for her number. Turns out she's got one lol. When she was talking about all the hours she works I said how does your boyfriend feel about that, he probably never sees you? She said they live together so he still sees her sometimes..Glad I did the check first. I forget how I learned that trick but it paid off.

[Thorshammer]

I do not feel adequate enough, attractive enough, interesting enough.. Can't shake that mentality. so I have a lot of doubt and I want to make a possible rejection the least painful for me that I can.

 

I was like this when i was your age. You have to kill this thought. It helped me to see how some guys manage to get women, but didnt offer much in return except for confidence. Whenever i slipped or was rejected, i remembered these guys, it became my religion, and there are a lot out there to use and draw on. And being rejected should never mean that you are a failure or unworthy, you cant bunch all women into one box- only she rejected you that day. I have had women who i find "eh" now reject me, and i have had very beautiful women fall in love with me - its hard to gauge, you can even say its random as to how a certain women will like you, thats why i emphasize confidence, because confidence is attractive in any language and any part of the world, you should never lose that because of one person, we all have our rejection stories.

[Sportster2005]

Thorshammer speaks wisdom. If all else failes fake it before you can make it.

 

You only need a few small victories to get momentum.

[abysmal]

Well, she was there today but the opportunity did not present itself as I hoped it would. And I just wasn't feeling it today anyways. There are days where I am gung-ho about being social and putting myself out there, and there are days where the mood is dreary and I am stressed/sad. Today was the latter.

 

Thorshammer/Sportster - sometimes it just isn't enough to pretend to be strong and carefree, and it takes a lot of effort that I do not have to maintain a falsity, HOWEVER, what you guys say is absolutely true.

 

What runs through my head time and again is, "Oh, she wouldn't be interested because you're not attractive, handsome enough. And you wouldn't have interesting things to say."

 

Myself being my own toughest critic, I don't think I am a bad looking individual. But I am totally convinced it has something to do with my appearance, the reason that I am in solitude. Otherwise I am very thoughtful and caring and aside from being infatuated, I actually really do want to help this girl study because I want to see her improve in the class.

 

But negativity had its way with me today.

 

Lost, I feel as though that the result for you was a neutral. You didn't fail. Don't be so hard on yourself.