People do not seem to be attracted to me. Advice?

[fluorescenta]

Hey everyone,

 

I'm a senior in high school and have a question that's been bothering me for a while now. I've always been more introverted and quiet, but I can definitely walk up to people and start a conversation if I find them interesting. I love to meet new people, but for some reason can only stay interested in the intelligent/artistic/philosophical personalities. People are very interesting to me, I love to see what makes them unique and can for some reason get people to open up to me very quickly if I have a one-on-one conversation with them (I knew a guy for three weeks and hungout with him twice, the second time he cried a little when I had to leave because he said he never felt attached to someone so quickly, it was sort of weird). I've been told by many people that I'm very sweet/funny/relaxed and appearance wise have been called a mix between Megan Fox and Angelina Jolie (I was very surprised to hear this because I never cared too much about my looks). I can be silly at times and serious at times. Sometimes I love to have in-depth conversations about philosophical opinions and sometimes I like to not give a $hit and have fun. I have very few close friends, but the few that I do have are very emotionally attached to me and love me very much, and I love them very much too. I have cool hobbies like playing the electric guitar/cool fashion/good music taste/painting. And I've never had a boyfriend. I've had a few things with guys but they never lasted more than a couple months. Just recently I had a "thing" with a guy, but he left for another girl who is a known heavy drug addict and is very sexually active. I'm okay at flirting, i've been called cute a lot, and I come off as sort of innocent. Anyway, my question is, why? Guys have been sexually attracted to me before but do not want to date me. Or maybe they do for a little while, but then it ends. It could be because I'm SO independent that I sort of scare them away, but I don't know. Sometimes I come off as unapproachable or unreachable because I'm so independent, and I also don't really pursue guys a lot unless they are challenging or pursue me first. Advice? Thanks.

[John John]

You're a senior in high school, so probably most of the guys you are dealing with (also in high school) don't want anything serious. They just want to "hook up" and move on to the next girl. When I was in high school (even college), I was like that. I didnt actually want a gf until right after college when I was 22/23.

 

You have your whole life ahead of you. Honestly, if you are a mixture of Megan Fox/Angelina Jolie appearance wise, you will have nothing to worry about. You also sound intelligent and seem like a good girl...once you get to my age, we like women who basically sound exactly like what you are describing.

 

You'll be fine

[happyfrank]

You're doing fine. I recommend being part of social activities that include the stuff you like doing.

 

Gives you better chance of meeting somebody that is into the same things you like.

[CatsMeeoow]

You know the saddest thing ever is to see those kids who "bloom" in high school.... their flower falls off way to early in life.

 

I know so many people who truly came into their own after high school - myself included!!! I have wonderful fun and delightful memories from high school but I was shy and introverted and barely could speak around boys... I hit my stride in my early twenties and peaked again in my 30's. I wouldn't trade any experience I've had after high school to have been more attractive to the high school boys.

 

You are just in the middle of your story... be patient... you are probably gone to love how it ends!

[mmnyc5052]

I've been in your shoes. It's not a great feeling and I can totally sympathize with you. I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 23 and I got so, so down on myself in highschool. It didn't add up because I knew I had a lot to offer, and friends, family, strangers, would tell me I was beautiful or looked like such and such movie star, and then...with boys my age it was just dead.

 

Really, honestly, you could be the most gorgeous lady in all the land but I think a lot of it has to do with you. What vibe do you give off? You said you're a really independent woman. Perhaps you could be the coolest, funniest girl around your friends but when it comes to boys you give off a "stay back" vibe? That's kind of what I did. I had what people call "resting B*tch face" wherein, when I walk around or am just sitting there doing nothing I look like an over-serious biznatch. I never put myself out there. I always expected people to come to me and I was very picky. I would shut down when guys came up to me because I was insecure somewhere deep down.

 

In retrospect, high school is really not that big of a deal. I really wouldn't be too worried about it. I thought my life was over when no one asked me to prom, and then I realized -- why would they? I don't put myself out there and I'm kind of a tool when it comes to dealing with boys. You may not be exactly like I was but just realize, You are probably going to college soon and you'll meet tons of awesome people and high school will seem like a tiny thing in the scheme of things.

 

My advice would be to just be friendly, engaging, don't stress too much or try TOO hard, but look at guys like any other person-- be friends with them. I'm sure tons of people find you attractive but sometimes they just don't act on it because they're intimidated or scared. In HS the fear or rejection is super high so keep that in mind. Be positive!! It will work out eventually and you'll see it really isn't that bad.

 

Also-- the philosophical thing-- I was like that too. I loved having in depth, interesting conversations and I found that not a whole lot of people in HS found that extremely sexually enticing. But trust me, those will come in handy in college, haha. Try to let your guard down with the 'strong independent woman' thing. It's awesome you are like that, but guys don't want to feel threatened if they think you think you're too good for them. I learned that the hard way too I've actually had guys from high school tell me years after the fact they thought I was really attractive but I just didn't seem into dating or was putting off a vibe. So have fun! Don't think too much about it and just be your charming, friendly self and your looks will always be there too.

[Ayanokōji]

Hey im in the same boat as you, what I find is that for me to hold a conversation with someone and not be bored, that person would need to be on my level of intellect. As an logical artistic introvert with extroverted qualities as well who likes to discuss philosophy and psychology, it is seriously difficult to find anyone who is interested and is able to challenge me. I find it immensely difficult to find a friend similar to me let alone a gf, been told I look like a "pretty boy" or a Kpop star or w/e bit never really had a relationship. I've only so far found one person who is similar to me and is equal or better intellectually as well as being able to challenge me and debate with me. Most of the people who lve had any meaningful conversions with were well over 30.

[fluorescenta]

Thanks this helped me so much. It's so great to get advice like to let down a little on the 'strong independent woman' thing, I completely agree with that. But yes, I guess I do give off a vibe sometimes that I don't like to talk to people, I've been told before that I look mean just because like what you said about the "resting b*tch face" haha. Thanks so much again.

[mmnyc5052]

Anytime! I really do know exactly how you feel but please have faith that it will get better. A lot of people who are 'later bloomers' end up having such fulfilling, exciting, awesome relationships later on where those who blossomed in HS are kind of going downhill. And that RBF...it'll get ya! Trust me, people have told me that and I'm like "dude, I was just sitting here drinking coffee and I'm that menacing?" haha. You'll be totally fine.