so mad at the ex right now :-/

[TalkThatTalk9]

I've been broken up with my ex boyfriend for a year and half now (we dated six and half years, lived together 3). he is with a new person, who he cheated on me with towards the end of our relationship, and hurt alot of people in the process of it. we had a very messy ending to our relationship and the last thing I said to him was I hated him and never wanted him to contact me ever again. I told him what I thought of him and his new girlfriend, and never looked back (immature yes, and I am not proud of it now that I look back). that was a year ago.

 

I have had a few people here and there tell me things about him, but I just listen and then forget it soon after. I don't like hearing things but it is out of my control people don't use their brains and think it is best to let me know what is happening with him for some reason.

 

today I was messaging with a mutual friend he and I had (she dated one of his friends, she has since broke up with that guy, and she ran into my ex at the bar)

 

she said that he had nothing but positive things to say about me. He said "of course, I want her to be happy and wish nothing but the best for her. We just reached a breaking point and we were both miserable, but no that doesn't mean I stopped caring about her overnight."

 

she said he seemed really sincere and honest.

 

now.... the reason I am writing is because this has sent me into a whirlwind of emotions. I am in the process of breaking up with my current boyfriend so maybe this is why I am extra emotional. and I have felt very over my ex until I heard this today, so I am not liking I am reacting this way.

 

but how can he even begin to say all that when he was the one who chose to end our relationship to be with his best friends wife?!?!?! it does not make any sense. he had nothing but nice things to say about me, but yet, when we were together he emotional and verbally yelled at me every day how much I sucked and how much he couldn't stand me. I begged him to work out our problems, talk it out with me. instead of trying to work out problems with me, he was off with her, dealing with our problems with her. getting wasted and ignoring it all. he acted like a jerk face to me after the breakup not wanting to even give me the decency of a last talk after almost 7 years together. and now he is saying he didn't stop caring overnight? he had a funny way of showing it.

 

everything he said to our friend is the complete opposite of how he acted when he broke up with me. why put someone through all that, if you too are hurting just as much? I am so confused. when I really shouldn't even care!

 

 

this is just stupid. I am sitting here my mind switches from angry to sad to whatever. I dunno....

 

I guess for anyone out there who's ex is acting like a jerk with the breakup, I guess it just is their funny way of showing they are having a hard time too. I guess. I don't get it.

[mhowe]

He is remembering it the way he wants to --- and he has fond memories. But he also said we were both miserable.

 

And yes, they sometimes act like jerks in order to distance themselves.

 

Stop overthinking. Over and done.

[Cons]

You can still think the world of someone but let them go, it is just that you too together couldn't make it, that doesn't mean you have to mutually dislike each other because you broke up.

 

The fact he is saying nice things means he has evaluated you as a whole, and not simply the bad points, and all in all you're a good person in his eyes, be happy about it.

 

As for 'I have no control over people telling me things', that is a cop out and you know it, if it were me I would politely ask for him not to be mentioned again as that is the past

[markie6]

Few people enjoy being seen in a bad light. Therefore ... they may act all sincere about what happened , how they acted... but was that the truth... Would anybody come out and say how they truly behaved... how you perceived it all at the time, when you were getting cheated on ? Is he likely to come out and say to a mutual friend that he can justify it all without being seen as the bad person

 

Sorry but it seems like a load of his bull , trying to avoid being seen as the cheater scumbag he was. If people are ever reminding others of stuff they want to forget, make sure you don't tell them...yeah I'm over it , I don't care.... when it's often far from the truth. Even after so long , others might not expect it to cause you distress .. but if one of my mates said anything to me I don't want to hear... they would be told

[TalkThatTalk9]

thank you guys for your input.... I have calmed a bit.

 

I've been so down today because of this, I wrote my friend and told her I appreciated her wanting to help but to not tell me anything about him anymore. I feel so out of place today, because he has not been a part of my everyday thinking/life for a year now and bam here we are.... its just all coming back.

 

If he really thought so sincere of me, he wouldn't of ended it the way he did. end of story.