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My Shy guy is confusing me...please guys give me advice!


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Over the summer a male friend of mine and i got close. we started seeing each other all the time, talking for hours. we got along great. soon i started to feel more for him and was sure he felt the same...but because he was shy nothing ever happened. then, the day before he was supposed to leave and go back to college i told him how i felt and asked him if he felt the same. he seemed surprised and happy by this (i am shy as well, but i really had to know) and flattered that i did feel that way. he said he had to think about it though, because he had never been in a relationship and to start with a long distance one was a big thing also.


he managed to leave a bit later for school, so we saw each other again and he told me he did want to have a relationship with me. things started to progress, but very slowly. i had been used to guys being comfortable touching and being close to me, but he admited that he didnt like contact much, it made him nervous. i missed him while he was away, and as a loner he didnt always feel like talking. it was hard for him to express what he was feeling, because he had never been open with anyone before. so i could never be sure how he felt.


next time we were together, i spoke to him again and asked what was going on. he said that he knew he wasnt doing his part, but that he couldnt help it when some days he wanted to be with me and others he just wanted to be alone. that maybe he would just be better off by himself for the rest of his life and thats the way he had felt for a while.


now, some people might say this was his way of just letting me down...but hes never had a girl friend and is a very shy person. he was telling me the truth. what does confuse me is that he contradicts himself. like telling me he wants to be with me but then doesnt want to be with anyone.


i accepted that he was confused and we decided to keep trying but also see other people if someone came alone (although he added it meant i could see other people because he wasnt interested in any) so does that mean he wasnt trying to tie me down to someone like himself? i am so lost by this. i care abut him so much and never want to hurt him, but this is constantly hurting me.


we are together as friends now, i suppose...but nothing has changed. we still hang out all the time, go places privatly that everyone says are dates. i even have some of my stuff at his house for when i stay on breaks. we make plans for months in advance for things we want to do together. and i never see his eyes light up as much as when he sees me.


the only thing missing is the physical relationship (kissing etc) and a little emotional. but i still feel like he cares about me as more than a friend...which is something he has admitted to me several times. but i dont understand why he doesnt want to be in a relationship then. i told him i dont mind if he needs his time and space. i respect that.


i am so confused...and it hurts because i care about him so much.


if anyone can give me advice id really appreciate it. this has been bothing me for some time now and i really dont know what to do. i cant just get over it because i feel too strongly. and despite all the problems we might face i would really like to make this work. i just dont know how to go about doing that. any guys sort of like him, please give me your take on this. thank you in advance!

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OK, i'll admit i did not read the whole thing, but i get the idea.


ASK HIM!!! Maybe he wants you soooooo bad, but can't bring himself to asking incase you say no, and that will crush him(if he really likes you a lot) So just be the braver one, and ask


A girl asking a guy is really nice, and really sexy. give it a shot!

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heres the problem--i did ask him. and he said he liked me as more than a friend, that he wanted to have a relationship. i actually got up the courage to do it. but then he contradicted himself later on and now i am quite confused. sorry for the lengthy prior post, but its a complicated situation.


what i need help in is figuring out how to help him, really...

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the only thing is that i worry that will push him too much. he relaxes more when we are under the term 'friends' even when our actual relationship says otherwise. i recognize that he has a lot of issues that ill have to help him work passed if i want to continue this, but i cant help the way i feel.


i really dont understand wanting to be alone, when there is someone you like that has feelings for you too. that is the thing i keep finding myself wondering.

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You know him, probably better than anyone else, make him relaxed. You are his best friend if not more, if you feel you can help him, do so.


How? Open his eyes to his past, not an easy thing to achieve.

No pressure, he must find a lot of this on his own, which may take awhile.


It sounds like you are a wonderful person, encourage, encourage, encourage him to grow. He will flourish with each kind word and smile.


You both will come out of this stronger, wiser, and closer.


A woman can bring out the best in any man, if the man is willing to listen.

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Dear Unmoved,

Some guys are just like that. They are passive, reserved, quiet and shy. They prefer solitude. They like to do things alone, they like to keep their thoughts to themselves. Your friend sounds like one of them.


You need to give him time to open up to you. How long have you known him? How long have you seen each other? It isn't easy for guys like that to open up completely to guy friends they've known for many years (I have such a friend. We are very close friends, I've known him for 8 years and to this day I accept that there are secrets he don't feel comfortable sharing with me), you cannot expect your friend to open up to you overnight, especially if you have only known each other for a few months.


Give it time, and build and strengthen your relationship. It will, like a flowering bud, blossom with time, persistence and effort.


From experience, it is difficult to get guys like these to trust you. But once you earn their trust, you'll have a very good and loyal companion for life.

All the best!

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I know my advice is not going to be popular but here it goes: I think you are wasting your time wondering what he is thinking or if he will come around. How long have you been in this situation with him?


You have asked him his feelings and he has told you how he feels. I don't see the confusion there. In fact, his actions say he doesn't want a relationship right now. When someone wants to be with us we can tell by their behavior, there is no confusion. I wonder if maybe while you are trying to figure him out you may be missing out on finding a guy who does want to be with you and will get over his shyness to do it.


I don't believe in sticking around hoping to convince someone that we are right for them. If he finally decides he can't live without you--he knows where to find you. In the meantime get out and enjoy yourself... the right guy might be out there looking for you while you are here waiting on your friend


That's my 2 cents



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  • 2 weeks later...

Being friends is a whole different kettle of fish from being boyfriend and girlfriend for a really shy guy with no low self confidence.


When he is your friend he has no pressure ,when he is your boyfriend then to him it means constant pressure trying to make you happy, make you laugh,make it fun,being a good kisser and he knows it will lead to other things.


Sure im sure normal people feel this way to but for a shy guy its like 100 times worse.


I have a friend who can just talk to anybody they meet on the street like its no big deal and when i tell him my problem with shyness he says yea im shy too.....that just proves to me normal people dont understand what shyness is.


Back to the subject,if you really like this guy and think he is worth a bit of waiting then just take you time with him,make him feel comfortable and hell be more relaxed with the idea of yous being boyfriend and girlfriend.

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