Everything you said sandbox is exactly how i am ,except im 26 ,i too have thought about killing myself but i know i would never do it as im scared of the unknown.
I dont believe that there's a heaven where well all meet after we die ,and i think this is what keeps me from suicide,my life aint great,but there are worser things in life than not having a girlfriend,its loney i know and it can get depressing seeing couples together and thinking youll never meet anybody who will fall in love with you.
If you are like me then you probably don't go to nightclubs and can't dance as you feel everyone is watching you,and the fear that a girl will ask you to dance and you'll have to turn her down casue you just cant do it or even worse you try to dance and she sees show bad you are and starts to laugh and just walks away.
Im trying to force myself to start going to nightclubs as this is probably the best place to meet a girl but it ain't going to be easy.
The worst thing about being shy is the pressure i feel to keep a conversation going and my mind just goes totally blank.