My new gf is pregnant: she wants abortion and I don't.

[El3216]

Back story:

 

We have been friends for about 7 years. We've never really crossed paths in a romantic matter. We both got out if serious relationships and began to hang out request my and honestly we were rebounding with one another. We both knew what it was however we didn't stop it. 4 months later we are still crazy about each other.

 

She is pretty much my gf and we still understand we can't just jump into a serious relationship.

 

Last night I found out she became pregnant... At 25 years old I didn't freak out like some would. I wasn't happy sad or mad. She told m she's going to "take care of it". It's weird because we've talked about this in the beginning and I would be okay with abortion.

 

Now that I am experiencing this first hand I don't feel okay with this and I dorm want her to do this. I told her that I would be okay with her bringing my child into the world and that I am ready to be responsible for my actions. I I've this girl as a friend and at his point I can say as a partner too.

 

She wants the American dream and wants to she married before she has kids ( obviously we aren't there yet) and wants to have the abortion. She's very emotional and sad and I don't know how to proceed. I don't wan to resent her for this but I want to be there and support her.

 

Any advice?

[Fudgie]

4 months rebounding and she's pregnant?

 

Honestly, I don't blame her for wanting to terminate.

 

All you can do is tell her how you feel. If she wants to be, that's up to her. You have the freedom to leave too if you feel you will resent her. That's okay too.

 

But you can't force her to have a child she doesn't want.

[agent1607307371]

If I were you, I would seek counselling for it.

 

You've told her what you want, but she doesn't have to listen to it.

 

You might see her as a potential partner, but she obviuously doens't see you in that way. And she obviously doesn't want to be pregnant to someone she's not married to, or to be married to someone just because she is pregnant.

 

Can I ask why you can't get into a serious relationship?

[Snny]

Why not give the child up for adoption?

[Edmund Exley]

Why not give the child up for adoption?

 

Because SHE wants to have an abortion. She most likely doesn't want to go through carrying it and the emotional detachment of giving it away.

[Cognitive_Canine]

What kind of advice do you want?

 

You have to just accept it.

[itsallgrand]

I think you are doing great; given the circumstances. I agree with agent; you might want to look into talking to someone about this just for yourself.

 

I think you are respecting and supporting her by being honest, and showing her it is ultimately her decision. I think it is great that you expressed your willingness to take responsibility - and left her with real options.

 

What you might want to talk to someone about is how to handle your feelings about all this if she does choose to go through with the termination. Perhaps you will not be able to stand by her side through that without it being 'false'. Perhaps the best you can do is make sure you work on your feelings on your end so that you do not build resentment, and so that there isn't negative feelings between the two of you due to this situation.

 

It's not something I think a person can fully predict how they will feel, until they get there. I really think it would be good for you to talk to someone who handles these situations and the feelings involved regularly ; perhaps contact a woman's clinic and ask to speak with someone there.

[Snow Bird]

Bottom line is this: You can only tell her how you feel, at the end of the day if she wants an abortion she will do it. If you feel strongly about her not having an abortion, then don't support her over it. If you accept it, then support her. There is nothing you can do to stop her having an abortion if she wants to do it. And by the sounds of it, she doesn't want to get more serious with you.

[pl3asehelp]

Unfortunately men don't get a voice about wether their children are allowed to live or die. For you it's the same as a miscarriage, which many people treat like a death including the whole grieving process. You certainly don't have to support it if it's not what you want to happen to your baby.

[El3216]

I don't know what I was expecting positing this here.

 

I actually feel worse now after reading these responses.. I never thought that it was Me that made her not want to have the baby. Lol

[agent1607307371]

Well, in reality, there's really nothing we can say here. It's her choice. You both said that abortion was acceptable.

 

You've changed your mind, she has not.

 

All you can do is manage your reaction and emotions.

[pepsi71ocean]

It is a tought decision to make, but believe me having been down this road it is better this way. Because i know know that i certainty couldn't afford to pay child support, and then on top of that deal with an ex that is just crazy. But at the time it didn't seem that at all, we decided for it because we weren't financially stable, there was no way we could have done it without having to live with our parents, etic. And what kind of quality of life is that about.

 

We did discuss adoption, however i told her, that i had issues with her being able to to go through it, i had a friend who had a child at 19 and she was going to give it up for adoption and then when the child was born she just couldnt do it, so then after they split up, he pays child support, she fell into a mess, and then grew to resent the child, and DYFS almost took the kid away.

 

To me what did me was its about quality of life not quantity. Its nice to know now that since my ex, ive dated other girls, and have a long term g/f. I can't imagine being able to date my current gf and have to deal with my ex, child support, custody etic. I see it all the time where i live, and i see mesirble 20-something kids who have children who are neglected. here i am 4 years later and I don't regret it. But you also must be willing to let it go as well, you can't hold it over them.

 

Because of my decision im actually moving forward in life, because i sure don't have the 500 a month to give to my ex, if we did keep the child. But the decision is more or less not in your hands.

[poetryandlyrics]

Maybe it's not about you, a possibility is that she just doesn't feel ready for a baby at this stage in life, especially in a fledging relationship.

 

I think it's immoral to force a woman to carry someone in her stomach for 9 months, suffering for it when she clearly doesn't want it. Takes a lot of a person, normally... And it'd be worst on a person that just doesn't want it, and in turn, worst for the baby. The baby can feel stress, etc. etc. there's nothing you can do but to voice your thoughts as you had and then just to accept her decision. Be there for her. And seek counseling if you still feel pained over this loss.