PrettyGood Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 We have been living together for 8 months. It wasn't my native city; however, I had been a freelancer, so I could work from anywhere. During those months we had ups and downs, but we always solved it out. However, this break up wasn't out of the blue. The more we argued, the more often he was pondering if he wouldn't be happier with other person... I sensed that it's no good. Our argues was about me working overtime at home and the fact that his family members and friends couldn't stand my introvert personality + me insisting him to quit smoking. This week was different. I decided to put more effort to our relationship and made everything in a very caring, loving and romantic way. Every evening he returned home - I had a delicious dinner prepared with candles around and our favourite film. He was happy and took me to a trip to visit his good friends for 2 days outside the city. This weekend was perfect. We returned home holding hands, kissing, saying "I love you". I knew he was always a family guy adoring children and wanting to have some of his own. He asked me to have a baby several times and I rejected it. However, today I was ready to (at least) talk about it and asked if he still wants to have a beautiful future with me - me being his wife someday, having children, etc. Long story short - he knocked me off saying that all this time he was together because it was convenient (sex, food, caring girlfriend, etc.) However, his family and his friends doesn't like me, so he doesn't imagine a future with me any longer. "I just don't want to waste your time and you to waste my time", he said. "Why didn't you tell me about it earlier?" - "Because you didn't ask me and I don't feel good saying it". I was so shocked, that I picked all my stuff collected during all those 8 months in 3 huge bags and said that I'm going back home to my parents then (they live in another city). "Alright, he said". He didn't say "good bye", didn't embraced me, didn't led me to the bus station, didn't try to stop me, just locked the doors after me. I was calm until I reached the bus station and then started crying. Since that time, he just sent me a message saying that I forgot 1 outfit at his house, so he is gonna bring it to me next week. "Throw it out", I said. "No, you paid some money". "I will buy a new one". I didn't want to see him, because he hurt me so much. I was so torn apart. He was shocked that I don't want to be friends to "talk about our life as normal people when he moves on". I am still in shock. I need to start my life at my parents from the very beginning and I don't know how to move on... He just crashed my world and heart into pieces... Link to comment
Jennifer89 Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I'm sorry girl, you will get through this! Link to comment
iam42 Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 sadly, lots of people get into relationships to get their needs met: sex, ego strokes, unpaid therapist, automatic date for events, etc. and you'd never know that the relationship is one of convenience until things get - well, inconvenient. it seems that your refusal to get pregnant with this man was your gut telling you he was not the right man for you long-term. you handled the breakup with dignity and firmness. NC from now on. I'm very sorry this happened to you. Link to comment
snappy5 Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 He cares for you but obviously doesn't want to process the emotions. The colder they are the harder they're trying to keep it together while dumping you. Link to comment
Snow Bird Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 This really sucks and I am sorry to hear it. Go no contact with him. Get yourself together and get your life back. Next guy that comes along, take your time. The guy that dumped you today isn't worth your time. Link to comment
ChellyV Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Its true. We are available therefore useful. Please don't go back to a situation that will fill you with self doubt. Please go NC and keep it at that. Your ex is exactly my ex. It took a brave front to actually get him out completely. You can do it! Link to comment
LadyJD Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 He cares for you but obviously doesn't want to process the emotions. The colder they are the harder they're trying to keep it together while dumping you. So true. And it sounds like it's more about him than you. I read something about a survey/study conducted of men and almost all said that they could have been happily married to 1 or more girlfriends in their past but that the timing wasn't right in their lives. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 sorry about that. hang in there!!! Link to comment
Lonewing Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 So let's see... You're an enterprising freelancer, Seeing how you Have work anywhere... And you work hard, even overtime...from home? So you're passionate about what you do, Dedicated! A Problem Solver...perhaps! You're an introvert. You abhor smoking. You're caring, loving, romantic. You can fix a thoughtful meal... You don't want to have children unless you REALLY love the guy... Versus having children just because you want to have children... [see what I did there?] and being a wife is secondary to a beautiful future... He even said, you're a caring girlfriend. Sweetie...you're a catch. I'm not just saying that. When I find myself standing next to a woman who looks like this in the mirror, I'm only going to be praying that she says yes when I ask her to...ahem, ask her out. You move on by placing one foot in front of the other, the way you left that scrap, the way you got back home. It's going to take a while for your heart to mend, I dare say, because you had turned that corner where you were considering wife and kids - and for you, I do believe this is a huge corner to turn. To be turned back from that dream, it hurts. Take a couple months for yourself; rebuild where you've let yourself go. Remember, you said it yourself - you can go ANYWHERE! Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 Thank you for your positive attitude and good emotional support, Lonewing. I really need it so much at the moment Link to comment
AnaMaria Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 You're only telling us what you did for him. What exaktly did he do for you? He wanted you to change and you did the effort with dinner and romantic setting. Some people go really cold during a break up, don't blame it on yourself. Maybe he wasn't such a good person after all. Allow yourself to be sad and angry, you have the right to be. You will find someone who appreciate you for who you are. It sounds like he didn't. Link to comment
AnaMaria Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 It hurts but with some distance you will probably see that he wasn't the one for you. Link to comment
Thanita17 Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 Pretty Good, I am joining your club today! lol After 15 months with him and he picked a fight and told me to leave. He moved out from his marriage 5 years ago, but the divorce was not started till 2 years ago before we met. I have been supportive of him, even though the divorce bled into our relationship most of the time. Last week he got a good news of the divorce settlement and he dumped me 3 days later. Turned things around, kept picking on me and picked a fight, told me to pick up my things and leave. I have never met anyone more cruel! Feel like I was sleeping with a devil all this time and didn't even see it. I can't cry much, I wish I could. I feel like I don't belong to my body nor that I want to. The worst part is that I miss him like mad and still love him deeply, mad at myself for feeling so. xoox Link to comment
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