Boyfriend went to meet a girl on facebook for sex. he says he thought it was me.

[CaliforniaGirl2222]

I really just don't know what to do or think right now. I know this is long but I am in DESPERATE need of advice. Thank you in advance for reading. I am just in awe and have a loss for words.

 

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years. We are having a baby ANY day now. We have had a lot of ups and downs in our relationship. With him drinking and not coming home, and him upset that I still had contact with my ex. (Which I haven't in well over a year, and it was just a friendship. I didn't even see him)

 

Well Things have been tough. No doubt. We have been staying at my moms house and we are stressed about the baby. I had a bad yeast infection for months, so we couldn't really have sex. He hasn't been affectionate towards me. I admit, it hasnt been ideal. He has been here pretty much everyday and we have struggled with the living arrangements. We have signed a lease and are moving into an apartment August 15. Regardless of all this, I just think of it as a hurdle to go through and things will get better. I love this man with all of my heart and soul. He has messed up a lot, and so have I but he is the person I want..or at least wanted to spend my life with and start a family with.

 

So on Tuesday, he tells me at 6pm he had to go to his friends to pick up a part for a side job and make a deposit. (The friend lives like a half hour away I think) I said, okay no problem, so you will be back in an hour? He said probably 2 hours. Which I thought was strange, but I said OK see you then. He said he would bring back a movie from redbox.

 

So at around 9pm I texted him "everything okay" Then he tells me he is going over a job with is friend. I told him I wasn't feeling well and I was getting mild contractions. He said "it's probably Braxton hicks. Don't worry. Then I texted him and called him several times until 1AM times asking if everything was okay. No answer.

 

He came home at 530AM completely drunk. This is not the first time as he has a drinking problem. I was FURIOUS. Like always. Just numb. We are having a baby ANYDAY and he just ignores me and goes drinking.

 

So the next day, I am in the bathtub. I don't even know what to say to him. He comes in like all mad at ME!! Asking if there is anything I was to come clean about acting all weird. And to stop playing games. I'm just crying. I have no idea what he referring to.

 

We go downstairs and I get a friend request and a message from this random girl saying "I think you should know your bf and I have been talking all week. He has said horrible things about you and wanted me to come to the bar last night and F him."

 

I confront him, and he SWEARS. Really believable, I must add, that he THOUGHT it was me. He kept saying "Are you serious it's not you?!! "This girl is off her rocker then. I thought it was you the whole time. A strange girl messaged me, and i had no idea who she was. I talked to all of my friends and their gf's tried to set them up THE SAME EXACT WAY so thought it was you and I was just playing your game. He apologized profusely saying he messed up. He wanted to marry me, and he really thought it was me the whole time. He said he wanted to go to counseling. I was trying to get a rise out of you" He told me some things he said to her like he was only with me for the baby. And our relationship is complicated, only to see my reaction and get a rise out of me. I asked him to see the messages and he said he would show me when I drove him to his car since that's where his phone was. That night I asked to see the messages, and he said his phone was charging in his car. And then last night I asked to see them and he told me he erased his facebook, he doesn't have them.

 

Well this morning she finally sent me the messages, and I feel like my heart is shattered in a million pieces. I don't even know what to think... I can't imagine him saying this stuff thinking it was me

 

I haven't told him yet I saw the messages. I don't even know what to say...

 

 

 

Desiree hey Marc! how are you?

 

Marc I am good, how are you?

 

Desiree I've been really good, thanks! working hard playing harder! haha. Have you gone out at all? Haven't seen you around in a awhile. So are you going to be my facebook friend lol

have you been enjoying the summer? I can't get over how HOT it's been. I made it to the beach yesterday after work. It was nice to go swimming and cool off

 

Marc No i haven't been out in a while. I am long over do. Been working a lot. Also have a lot of stuff going on. So where have you been partying at? Lol i don't remember the last time i saw you? So where you working? What beach did you go too? Yes ill make you my friend just have to do on a regular computer my phone app doesn't work to well. Hows everything else?

 

Desiree You know it's been so long I can't even remember! I went to nautical mile last weekend and celebrated a friends birthday. I've been going to XXX a lot. Probably going tonight lol. You should come if your free and in need to go out! It will be fun.

I went to orient point with my dogs.

I was working at Olive Garden but I hated it so I quit Lol my ex worked there and we broke up a couple months ago. Didn't like it. Are you seeing anyone?

Now I'm working as a receptionist for a small wedding photographer. It's okay. pays the bills lol What do you do? Haha I had a brain fart. I went to XXXX for happy hour the other day. I meant XXXXX I think that might have been the last time I saw you last year some time? I'm not sure. I have such a bad memory lol. Ill prob be going to the XXXX tonight. Not sure though so let me know if u want to get that overdue drink.

 

Marc Hey sorry for late response. I went to dentist yesterday and got all drugged up. Slept most of the day lol. I actually have a few jobs. I work full time for the XX and i part time at a dj company at nights. I also work doing my own side work doing electrical and security systems on the weekends. I am quite busy. Yes i am currently seeing someone but it's complicated. Long story. Not really sure where we going. How was last night? I haven't been to XXX in for ever. I actually might go tonight for a little. My friend and i are doing a side job so after we might stop down there for some food and a couple. What u up too today? Thats cool about the dogs. I love dogs.

 

Desiree It's okay! Sorry about the dentist. I hate the dentist so much. Lol What did you have to get done? I hope it wasn't anything too serious!

Oh wow you seem busy. What do you do for the XXX? Where do you dj?

I know all about complicated relationships lol I'm told I'm an EXCELLENT advice giver lol so if you want to share the long story I don't mind. I can give you some advice. I actually wanted to be a therapist for awhile lol.

Last night was fun. I went to the Long Island ale house lol just for a couple hours then I went back to a friends and we played cards.

Today is chore day lol I'd love to meet you later but I have so much to do! Maybe next weekend? Or happy hour at XXX on Friday lol

 

Marc Busy weekend again, yesterday my side job took longer then expected. Didn't get home till almost 10 @ night.

Dentist wasn't bad just a cleaning but they offer free nitrous oxide. So i always take it. Free legal drugs.

I am an XXX. As for the dj company i am a multi media/ lighting tech. I do the the lights for the show and all the visual and computer effects.

So why didnt you from become a therapist? Probably the expensive cost of school. That's why i stopped. I Might go back though. I am always open to hearing an outside opinion.

I have to see. I usually do the dj thing friday and sat nights. Usually there till like 1am. How is XXX? I never been.

So where is your job close to home i hope. I have to travel to XXX everyday. So anything fun planned for week other than work?

So what chores you do?

 

Desiree Madison Happy Monday! I didn't get half of my chores done i wanted lol I did finish my laundry and washed my car but that was about it lol. I was a little hungover from Saturday night.

I wish I got drugs for a cleaning lol I'm overdue for the dentist I always put it off.

Did you have your overdue night out last night?

I work in XXXX Off of XXXX. It's really far for me but its my dads friend that got me the job. I'm looking for another waitress job closer to home. I never finished school. I had too much going on. I might go back next year. I'm not sure exactly what I want to do lol. Queens is much farther of a commute though! I shouldn't complain lol. I guess you take the train? Do you have to pay for it?

This week. Hmm I don't know yet. Still too early in the week lol. I'm tired today so tonight ill probably just go home and relax.

Do you have plans for the week? XXX is okay. I just meet a couple friends there for happy hour. Usually don't stay long. Thank stinks you have to work on the weekends so late! I'm usually tanked by 1 lol if I'm out and you wanna go out after work let me know. I haven't had a late late night in awhile. You are probably too tired though after work I'm sure lol

 

 

Marc that's the worst. I hate when u have so much to do and your all hung over. The night before was usually a lot of fun so it evens out. I have done the nights staying out till the wee hours and just going straight to work. That was nice of your dad to get you the job. Do you work full time there?

Yeah i put off the dentist for quite a while. It wasn't that bad especially with the nitrous.

I did nit get my night out. I got up at 7am picked my helper up at 9am and didn't get home till 945pm. I still have to go back for a few hours this week.

I will let you know, i am not scheduled yet but he usually tells me Thursday night if any parties going on. As far as after i usually am awake for a while. I am all amped up from the music. The dj has a lot of good remixes.

So do you help out taking pictures at the weddings or just do office

 

Desiree Oh I can't pull all nighters anymore lol. I used to but those days are gone lol

I just noticed you live in XXXX That's close to my job. My friend XXXX lives there. I think he's 29 or 30? Lol I'm not sure. Do you know him? Do you have your own place? I'm still living with my parents lol I'm trying to save and move out soon.

I just work in a small office with another girl lol it's very boring. Its monday to friday 9-5 There's not much to do. I think he just gave me the job as a favor to my dad lol I pretty much just sit here and talk to her all day. We answer phones and mail pictures out lol

Sorry you didn't get your night out lol you sound like you need it with all your jobs lol

I don't want to pry or be too forward lol but i think your cute and would like to hang out. i remember seeing you out and you were a big drinker. just looking to have sone crazy nights and maybe more. lol i feel stupid saying that but I'm just curious if the girl your seeing I'd just something casual or more serious? Cause I'd really like to hang out but I don't want to step on anyone's toes lol. You said it's complicated and a long story so I'm just not sure lol

 

 

Marc I can still put all nighters at times. I pay for it dearly the next day though lol.

I do but I didn't grow up here, I grew up in XXXX most of my life. I don't know too many people around here. Thats why I usually hang out with friends in XXX area.

Thats cool at least you have an easy day. Do you get a long with the other girl?

Yes I do need a night out desperately. I just need to unwind. Very stressful right now.

I think your cute too. I love your eyes in your pictures. Do you have any more pictures?

As far as my living arrangement. I currently am living with my girlfriend. We got serious way to fast. We moved in with each other after like 4 months dating. Since then we fight constantly. I am just unhappy even my Dad and Mom tell me that. She is kinda a homebody and I love to go out on the town. She thinks I am an alcoholic. I went out 4 times in the last year. She was constantly talking to her ex which pissed me off so much. She stopped but I still don't trust her in certain aspects. Very secretive. We broke up in november( WE NEVER BROKE UP) but she found out she was pregnant and we tried giving it another go but it's just not working. I am pretty much just here because of support for the child. Thats about it. There is no connection with us anymore. I am having a baby girl and am very excited. Just wish the situation was different. There is a lot more too the story but we can save that for another time. I work a lot for one the money and too I just don't want to be home. I would love to hang out maybe grab a beer and see where it goes just not sure how you feel about the drama in my life. If nothing else maybe we can become good drinking buddies. Like I said it's a very complicated relationship but it is all to common now a days. I have quite a few friends in the same situations like me both male and female. I dont know what advice you have for me but I love to hear it. Hopefully you understand.

 

Desiree wow. That's a lot going on. I'm leaving now to get dinner. Ill write back tonight or tomorrow when I'm at work. Have a good night!

 

Marc Lol yeah i told you it was complicated. Probably more complicated than u thought. Enjoy your dinner.

 

DesireeGood Morning!

Thank you for the compliment I have more pictures on my laptop. I do have one naked one here for some reason lol!! I won't go there though unless u want lol I just haven't put anymore up. I will soon. Maybe tonight.

Sorry I didn't write you back last night. I thought a lot about your situation though lol and I have a lot of advice lol I was actually talking to my friend at dinner about it too and she has some good points.

Congrats on your baby! That must be very exciting regardless of all of the drama.

I don't know your whole situation so I might be off but I have two friends that recently had babies and one friend went through something very similar.

I do have a couple questions though.

How long have you and your girlfriend been together?

Why did you break up in November? How long did you break up for?

As far as her talking to her ex. I'm not sure what you mean by "talking" I am good friends with two ex boyfriends. We are just friends though. Was it more than talking? Why don't they talk anymore?

How is she secretive? Why don't you trust her? What do you fight about?

My friend did bring this point up which I hate to admit lol! But you say you don't trust her and she is secretive but here we are talking and planning to hang out and... maybe doing more. So that is also being secretive and untrustworthy on your part. lol. Just sayin. well my friend said! Has she ever cheated on you with the ex boyfriend or someone else? Have you cheated on her before? If so does she know?

As far as my friends that had babies my one friend had a very bad pregnancy and she was very moody and mean. lol She told me she didn't know why. So i think pregnancy can put a negative effect on a relationship on top you guys already having problems. It pushed her fiance away. He was always out and never home. She tells me that she felt alone during her whole pregnancy. he didn't help and he wasn't supportive. She has a 4 year old also and she said she basically took care of her daughter all by herself and did everything with no help from him. She told me that it is very common. Her baby is now 4 or 5 months though and she said their relationship is better than it ever was. So just from that I know it can be a stressful time.

The reality is every relationship has problems. Every relationship will have good and bad times. You need to communicate. Let go of the past. That is big. No relationship can move forward when you still harbor resentment from the past. You both need to trust, and you need to change the negative and turn it into the positive. If you are unhappy you need to figure out what makes you unhappy. If it's part of your relationship then you should talk about it with her and change those things in the relationship. That's all I have for now lol. How are you doing today?

 

 

Marc Good afternoon, sorry for late reply just been working all day. They have me running ragged.

Lol naked picture huh... You must be comfortable with me if your even thought about sending that type. I Wasn't even thinking that. Just wanted too see more pictures of you because i haven't been to ale house in a really long time. Well More than a year trying to figure out where we met. was i with anyone that night?

 

So did you enjoy your dinner go anywhere good?

 

Thank you it is very exciting. I can't wait.

 

Its wasn't as so much as her talking to him that i didn't mind really. The fact that she basically said she didn't want me talking to mine. It was a double standard. I didn't really care that much at the time. My ex and i both moved on so we had our own lives. It started bothering me when he would call late hours and text her all day saying how much he still wanted to be with her and he loved her. Then he started talking crazy stuff. It got to a point where i was this has to stop. She told that she spoke with him and told him to stop but she never did and lied to me. I found out by her texting him a pet name and message that was meant for him but was sent to me by accident. I was working in manhattan at the time on a 20 hour shift. Again i was lied to and told it was meant for her gf. I didnt buy it confronted her a few days later and was finally told the truth. Again a promise was made to me and it was broken. I am too forgiving i guess. As far as her cheating i have no idea. I dont think so but anything is possible. This goes on for quite some time she finally says he stopped but who knows.

As far as me i have never cheated on any level. Well other than talking with other girls if i was out but that is rare. That was only if they sat next to me and my friends at bar and liked to do shots with us.Usually when i go out i just let loose with my friends and have a few drinks. Sometimes to many but we all been there. As you said i am a guy just looking to have fun.

Yes i guess you can say i am being secretive talking with you. As far as i am concerned we are just talking and possibly grabbing a beer to talk. This is secretive but i cant do anything. I get the 3rd degree when ever i leave the house. She wants me there 24/7

Yes i guess we can work on our relationship but i don.t feel it can be saved. I went to counsling with her and it was all about me she would not admitt her faults. She didnt like the therapist so she stopped going. I try but i feel its a losing battle. I dont want to be one of those people miserable and together just because of child. That is worse for the child

I will support and spend as much time as i possibly can with my daughter. I know i didnt answer all your questions but will answer the rest later just have to get back to work.

My day is hot and more hot. Probaly have to work tonight and tomorrow night.

How is your day going? Anything fun happening at the office?

 

 

Desiree lol..well yah tht's the only picture I have at the moment. I am not tooo much of a picture person. lol My face isn't in it so I dn't care too much lol.

Oh yeah if he was calling all hours of the night that he loved her and wanting to get with her that is bad then. I do adnit though I didnt like my ex talking to hs ex when we were together so i am also guilty ,,of that double standard lol. The lying isn't good but i was in the same situation. where i was frinds with my ex and he wasnt over me but i valued our friendship and my bf was furious. ive been there. lol at least it has stopped though?

i have to ask i dnno why lol i am assuming it is lol but is that your girlfriend in your profile picture? I don't even know why i'm telling you this but if it is she is stunning. lol she looks ridiculosly pretty and i hate to say it lol but you both look good together.

 

well its up to you if you want it to work. in my persoal opinion, everythig u said doesnt sound horrible. on one end I want to tell you to work it out. you look like such a cute cuple with some minor problems having a baby together. ifeel like everything you told me kinda sucks but is not uncommon and can be fixed. I feel like toooo many people just give up to easy when things get tough.like i said before u shold put the past in the past. Its to common these days for couples to just leave when its tough. if u loved her once then try to find that love and share it together and start a life. my advice o say to give it a go and give it everything you have. and you obviosuly still care for her if you are there.

 

 

Then this is going to sound so bad after the last paragraph. this is the on the other hand if you don't want to work it out (the devil on my shouldner)) lol! i want you to come out with me and my brains out. is that bad? Okay so i admit I am a little drunk lol. or very. Lol Me and the girl have been drinking at the office all day and i am just very horny. Drinking buddys would be nice but not wat i want. i am really looking for a buddy lol. So my advice is i do think u should work it out lol but if u don't want to i want to you. If we though you probably cant sav the relationship. Since nobody has cheated it would just probably ruin it. unless i can be your dirty little secrettt lol i wont tell lol but do you want to geth that drink and me tonight? We can get a motel for an hour or you can my wet in the car. whatever u and wherewver u wanna me tonight. Let me know what bar u want to me meet at if u wanna drink a d I Tuesday at 6:04pm

 

Marc What bar are you at now? If i gave u my cell phone number would u send me a pic of your beautiful self? I would love to meet u out Tuesday at

 

Desiree Meet me at Applebee's in XXX I'm here now.

 

Marc I am a hour from there. Can u wait and send me that pic through facebook. I love another picture of you. How does that sound

 

Desiree I'm waiting at bar for you. Im by mysrlf Can you find a motel that has hourly rates and don't forget condoms. Let me try and see if I can send it don't know how lol

 

Marc Can u send me a pic through your phone? Text it to me

 

Desiree T That's my wet P waiting for you

 

Marc Ummm your wet Plooks so good, but i really want a picture of your beautiful face with those gorgeous eyes

 

Desiree I only have pictures of me on laptop my phone is naked ones lol

 

Marc Can u get to XXX? i know bars and hotels.

 

Desiree Here are my Boobies. I want you to suck on them. I can't drive my car is in bayshore and my friend left I'm just waiting for u at bar Tuesday at And my phone is going to dye soon

 

Marc Can u take cab to XXX ill pay i am still far from you it be quicker

 

Desiree I figured u can drive me to my car after. I am my twofer lol so ill be ok ill just wait

 

Marc Just take cab ill take u from there to car I dont know XX i know XXX thats why you should come here. I am still 30-40mins away I really want u to. come Your phone die?

 

Desiree im just going home then if u can't come can u pick me up lol I'm stranded I've been waiting two hours now lol my friend left as soon as u said u were coming Are you coming? I gott a ride lol. What bar are u at I can meet you now. Did u pick up condoms

 

Marc I haven't been to XX in over 2 years. I don't know how you know me. I thought this was a game being played on me. I am happy. I am sorry if its not a game but i love my girlfriend.

 

Desiree A game being played on you? Uh thats a change of tune. You told me u wee very unhappy injusted wanted to give u done fun on the side. and you were coming out for drinks. Im confused. I told u I'm not sure last time I saw u I thought it was XXX I've seen u out a lot and I know it's been awhile. You stood me up and I was still coming to see u u seemed interested past few days u wanted to get drinks how is that a game. Why would u tell me you were in your way? My friend left wen I thought u were coming

 

 

Marc I thought your phone was dieing? Who picked you up? If your for real send me a picture of your face? Where are you at now? I am sorry but i need to know. I am just at friends house going over business. If your around let me know. If your for real give me a phone number

 

 

Desiree What? It's charging now im in car with friend and I told u I don't have a picture of me. I can send u if u want I have 100s at home why do I want my picture so bad and now u want to see me but u just said you are happy and love your gf. You are very confusing. I didn't want anything serious. Just to go out and have a fling nothing more i told u I didn't want to step in toes but u still wanted to me anyway. But now u say u are happy. I don't really want to drunk with u I'm so drunk right now. I just want to . If u find a hotel in patchoge let me know and ill have my friend drop me off only if u can take me home in the morning that's all I want from u is to F. It's simple yes or no. U are involved I don't want anything else

 

Marc Do you have a phone number?

 

 

Desiree Yes of course I do. But u are with someone and I don't give it out. Does that make me fake? I don't even know what u mean by fake do u think I'm an old man that wants to kidnapp u? Situations like this u use discretion. I'm really drunk and don't want to keep driving around. If u find a hotel or even if u want to F my P in your car let me know where so I can meet u. U can stay in your car until I come to u so I see I'm not fake lol I'm just looking to F a big hard C and be on my way and u get some free P out if the deal. Enough with pictures and numbers its just a mutual F we can do ill make u cum so hard and be on my way until next time. That's it

 

Marc Let me know your phone number and ill let u know where we can have some fun

 

Desiree Ilif my friend drops me off I just need a ride home after or in morning before 7

 

 

Marc I dont think your an old man lol i just want to hear your voice. It will turn me on If u want to F let me call u and we meet.

 

Desiree I will turn u on when I see u. Trustt me. I will split motel bill with u as long as its under 100 and let's have fun. That's all I want. I just wan rids a D. U make it complicated most guys would love to f me and I'm offering to f u for free with no strings attached. It's getting late and now u are playing games. If u want my wet p wrapped around your hard c riding it tell me where to meet. Ill do u in the car but would rather a big bed at hotel. Ill u till the sun comes up. Just let me know my friend is tired if driving and she wants to drop me off or take me home and I won't let u see where I live lol that's part of the disgresstion part. It's either u wanna or not. Tell me hotel u said u knew in XXXX

 

Marc Are you coming?

 

Desiree Can u meet me by my house I don't have car and my friend won't drive me

 

Marc No i am too tipsy cant but give me an address ill have a cab bring you to me. We have fun and ill take u were ever u want. You wont regret it

 

Desiree I'm just going to go to bed. You took too long Bd stood me up. F you . Yiu have played games with me all night. say u eant this than u dont bc u love your gf than u eant to f bme again. U must be a great boyfriend to f other girls. I guess your baby has a stand up dad

[irishapple]

Why the soap opera about it, either your boyfriend is completely stupid and crawled out of the shallow end of the gene pool or as is the case is looking for his hole somehwere else. What to do?

 

- Relationship Counselling

 

- Dump him

 

Dont see any other way ...

[CaliforniaGirl2222]

Why the soap opera about it, either your boyfriend is completely stupid and crawled out of the shallow end of the gene pool or as is the case is looking for his hole somehwere else. What to do?

 

- Relationship Counselling

 

- Dump him

 

Dont see any other way ...

 

It's just the weirdest thing. The whole thing is like a highschool drama. This is the last thing I need or expected right now. I can't even wrap my head around it. With those messages, could he have possibly thought it was me? I really just don't see how.

[Snow Bird]

He is frustrated sexually since you can't do anything being heavily pregnant and with a yeast infection, then struck it up with the girl on facebook, got caught because she threatened to tell you, but she messaged you anyway, then he thought up the "thought it was you" excuse to cover his ass. Simple! Now, decide if you want to put up with this or not.

[RedDress]

No - he is lying about thinking it was you.

 

Since there is a baby involved, maybe you will want to go to councilling to work things out... but I would go into it with my eyes open. The whole "I thought it was you" thing is a lie.

[Lorem Ipsum]

Holy frig.

 

IMO, let him move to the new apartment by himself, since that is plainly what he wants, to be single and get with as many other women as he possibly can. If he thinks it's been rough not be able to have sex with you due to the pregnancy and associated problems that go along with it, wait until the baby gets here and you need at least 6 weeks with no sex to heal from giving birth. Not to mention the baby needing all your attention and crying half the night. IMO, he's too immature to handle it, any of it. Just be sure to file whatever paperwork you need to so that he pays child support.

 

How he could say that all those texts, including sending a P photo, was you and he thought it was a game you were playing, he's either extremely stupid or thinks you are.

[AcaiBerry]

I agree with everyone else; I would either let him go or find a seriously good relationship guru.

 

However, you need to (and you probably are) think about your child. Sure, having a dad is most likely necessary in her/his life. But, do you really want that kind of role model for your child? Do you really want to bring a child into an unhappy relationship?

 

Your guy doesn't sound worth while.. He clearly doesn't respect you or your child by cheating on you (let's face it--- it was basically cheating).

 

As for if he thought it was you--- that is a total lie! I know you are trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. But if you let this slide, will it end? My dear, you are worth more! Every person out there is worth more than to be lied to; especially in that way!

 

Best of luck.

[CaliforniaGirl2222]

I wish it was that easy. We are having a baby anyday. Not that I am stupid ( well maybe I am) He was saying things all week like "why are you a trixter for) And i didn't even think about it. I just can't imagine him saying those things thinking it was me. That's much more than trying to get a rise out of me. I think the things he said hurts more than him going to me her. I don't even know.

 

He keeps wanted to get a counselor. I just don't even know if this is forgivable. I still love him so much, but for him to say things like that to a stranger and go out to meet her. But that is another thing. he apparently didn't go to where she was. If he was serious, do you think he would have went there instead of telling her to meet him?

[CaliforniaGirl2222]

he just called a bunch of times and texted me to call him. I texted him that I saw the messages and there is no way he thought that was me. He hasn't even responded.

[CaliforniaGirl2222]

He swears on our babies life he thought it was me the whole time and he was with his friend laughing about it.

[CaliforniaGirl2222]

he keeps telling me I have to believe him. he thought it was to "catch a cheater game I was playing on him" He doesn't know who this crazy chick is. I don't know what to believe.

[AcaiBerry]

This just makes it clearer. You can't be with this 'man'. I know you love him, but that doesn't mean he deserves it.

 

How could he have thought it was you? On facebook, he would have seen the name of the person he was messaging, and he obviously saw pictures.. and they clearly weren't you! He can't just say that he thought it was you. There is no way that can happen. Not to mention the way he was talking; he was talking to her as if they didn't know each other. He was explaining his job to her; if it was you, you would already know that!

[Cognitive_Canine]

There is no way he thought this was you. He even deleted the messages because he knew the messages were proof that he didn't think this was you.

 

Move in with family and get every last cent of child support that you can from him. Whether he likes it or not, he made a baby with you and he has responsibilities. I wouldn't want to raise a kid around this drunken adulterer either.

 

I'm sorry this happened to you but it is way better to raise a child by yourself than with someone like this. There are a lot of programs that help single mothers and you should look into them. You have options and shouldn't stay with him because you feel that you have to.

[CaliforniaGirl2222]

This just makes it clearer. You can't be with this 'man'. I know you love him, but that doesn't mean he deserves it.

 

How could he have thought it was you? On facebook, he would have seen the name of the person he was messaging, and he obviously saw pictures.. and they clearly weren't you! He can't just say that he thought it was you. There is no way that can happen. Not to mention the way he was talking; he was talking to her as if they didn't know each other. He was explaining his job to her; if it was you, you would already know that!

 

He said he thought I made a fake profile and it looked like a girl on tv's picture. He keeps telling me he made a mistake and he thought it was me playing games on him to "see" if he would cheat, and he said if he wanted to he would have went to where she was but he was laughing about it with is friend.

[Snow Bird]

He said he thought I made a fake profile and it looked like a girl on tv's picture. He keeps telling me he made a mistake and he thought it was me playing games on him to "see" if he would cheat, and he said if he wanted to he would have went to where she was but he was laughing about it with is friend.

 

That part there is what gets me.. why in the world would he think you would test him to see if he cheated? That doesn't make sense. I would think if he thought you were doing that, that it would make him angry because you didn't trust him. I am sorry but my BS radar is dinging big time loud. He is guilty and trying to squirm out of it.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Have you ever pretended to be someone else to see if he'd cheat?

 

That is a very bizarre line of thinking he has.

[Kristenelaine]

It's simple. Leave.

[CaliforniaGirl2222]

That part there is what gets me.. why in the world would he think you would test him to see if he cheated? That doesn't make sense. I would think if he thought you were doing that, that it would make him angry because you didn't trust him. I am sorry but my BS radar is dinging big time loud. He is guilty and trying to squirm out of it.

 

Well I have asked him many times if he has cheated on me. I trust(ed) him 100% ...when he is sober. But when he is drunk he get's to the point he doesn't even know what is going on and comes home at 5,6, 7AM. Honestly I think he gets TOO drunk to cheat, but I do always ask him if he has while drunk. I told him if I were to set him up (Which I wouldn't ever do) but I would find a girl to seduce him or something lol not make a fake profile and message him. I have too much on my plate right now with the baby. I don't have time for these games. I just don't know what to believe.

[CaliforniaGirl2222]

Have you ever pretended to be someone else to see if he'd cheat?

 

That is a very bizarre line of thinking he has.

 

No, never. he said it sounds like something I would do, and with my hormones anything is possible. He said he had several friends where there gf's did very similar things and they all thought it was me since "that's what girls do"

[Cognitive_Canine]

I think it's very telling that he's off getting drunk while you're pregnant. Most guys give up alcohol while their partner is pregnant because she has to also. He doesn't seem like he's really with you in this pregnancy.

[AcaiBerry]

Isn't it rather insulting that he would think you would have the time to devise an evil plan to see if he cheated or not? You are pregnant! No pregnant woman has time for that!

 

You know the answer. Deep down, you KNOW the answer. Don't get sucked back into a bad relationship.

[CaliforniaGirl2222]

I think it's very telling that he's off getting drunk while you're pregnant. Most guys give up alcohol while their partner is pregnant because she has to also. He doesn't seem like he's really with you in this pregnancy.

 

Well to be fair to him, he is an alcoholic. He binge drinks. Last year was so bad. Since he found out we were having a baby though, he cut down dramatically. We fight about his drinking all of the time. It used to be once a week. Now he has drank 3 times...until the sun rises in 9 months. Last time was a couple of months ago and I actually went out and found him. But every other day he has been by my side. It's sounds stupid for defending him, but 4 times in 9 months is very good for him. i'm just so hurt he was messaging this girl, or umm "me" while ignoring my calls and texts telling him I wasn't feeling well. I could have been in labor and had to go to the hospital

[Lorem Ipsum]

he keeps telling me I have to believe him. he thought it was to "catch a cheater game I was playing on him" He doesn't know who this crazy chick is. I don't know what to believe.

No, you don't "have" to believe him. You're pregnant, not stupid. You probably have a hard time seeing your toes, let alone being able to stretch your arms to be able to take a photo of your P to send it to him.

 

He wants to go to counseling? Fine, then tell him to go find one and set up the first appointment and you'll go. But do not move in with this guy until you've been to enough counseling that you believe that you've worked through these issues. He's emotionally cheated, but as far as you know, he hasn't physically cheated (yet). That's bad enough but for me, the worse part is that he's verbally abusing you, is turning his bad behaviour back on you ("I only did it because I thought it was you"), saying the other woman is crazy -- it's only a short stop until you're the crazy one. I know you're about to give birth and you're full of hormones and this is the last thing you want to have happen right now, but you need to think about yourself and your baby before your boyfriend/the father. Moving into an apartment with someone you don't trust when you are going to need every spare scrap of energy to deal with your new baby is not a recipe for happiness.

 

And what SnowBird said. Any normal person who is confronted by their partner that they're cheating when they're not is going to be upset and offended.

[BigKK]

Just a heads up, you put her full name in the OP

[JudgeNot]

CaliforniaGirl2222, first of all congratulations on your baby, he or she is going to bring you happiness regardless.

 

First of all, i think that your significant other has his priorities sort of wrong. As u said drinking at this point of his life is not what he should be doing! he has you and the baby to see too. That should be his main concern. It takes two to make a baby, and if he is sexually detached he needs to understand that it is because of him. You did not get yourself pregnant! He cannot be irresponsible for someone he has given life to. He planted that seed and he should've had to think about how to better himself and take care of his new responsibility. This behavior shows he is immature, irresponsible and inconsiderate.

 

I call total BS that he thought it was you, from reading the conversation it is VERY OBVIOUS that he knew that was not you. He went as far as making plans and asking for pictures. No one does that as a joke, its crossing boundaries. He does not seem committed in this relationship at all! he seems to stray away to easily. And marriage should not be brought up in time of trouble. Its something discussed with a level-head and when you are in a better position. It seems like he is using it to save himself.

 

Save yourself some time and heartache, you have alot of responsibility on your hand, its going to be very tough but i think you should try to move on. Or try to detach yourself from that relationship a little at a time, it seems very unhealthy and only seems to be getting worse. I might be wrong, but looking from the outside in, that is not the type of father figure you need around your child. Give him or her a better future, as well as urself.

 

Good Luck Miss