What happens when ex breaks your NC

[twiggs]

Hey, Im curious. Ive been a student of NC now for a month. I talk alot w/ popo ( Shes a huge help!!) Anyways. My ex called we talked. She called the following week, i made the conversation quick. She called the next day, I didnt answer, she called the next week, I didnt answer. I ran into her at work. She said hello and for some reason all i could do is Smile. My legs were shaking so bad. She hasnt tryed to contact me in a week.

 

My question is why do are exs call us. I understand the first time. But the 2nd, 3rd, etc....What are the motives?

[Switch187]

Usually the other contacts are meant to find out "where your at" (such as what your doing, who your with, and what's going on in your life). She may also be realizing what she lost during that time of NC and now she wants to get that back. I don't know, just giving a few guesses.

[Cadence308]

Who ended the relationship? If you ended it then she may still have feelings for you and is hoping the month of NC will rekindle those feelings from you that you had for her in the relationship.

 

Why were your knees shaking? Do you miss her or want to get back together?

 

Also, if you guys were together for a long time she may be calling you out of habit because she's used to seeing you, talking to you, etc. Or she may just want to keep tabs on you, which was suggested by someone else.

[TheRealPsiPhi]

Yeah... I hate women and their tabs... NC is hard enough.

 

It does sound like you are being a little cold though. Maybe next time she calls answer and talk for a couple of minutes to find out why she is calling. It may be important, you never know. If you don't see the conversation going anywhere, tell her you have to go. That you have a date or something to get ready for. Wether it's true or not, she'll think about it and wonder about you more. Keep her in suspense.

[twiggs]

She ended the relationship. She started a new relationship just days afterwards.We talked for the first week afterward, I told her enough was enough take care, and good bye. I dont know why my legs were shaking, never has happened to me before. I feel that maybe i am being to cold. But in order for me to try and get my point accross, she needs to she what its like without me around. She broke up with me, we were engaged. Everybody says so what whats a ring. But i feel people say yes for a reason. Anyways. Any advice would be great. I do miss her. She has told my buddy she misses me also, but i dont want to break NC. Shes still w/ new b/f I imagine. I feel all members who read these threads are sorta like a family. Im open for suggestions. Thanks

[kalshane]

Bro, you were engaged to marry this woman. She broke it off with you. She sees someone else DAYS afterward...! I'm sorry but keep doing what you're doing. You are NOT being too cold. Maintain no contact. Why? She got cold feet and ran to another man's arms, someone she was probably keeping for "just in case". She needs to learn some lessons, and she needs to learn them alone. If I were you I'd tell her to take a hike, and you'll call her when you're ready. If you let her continue what she's doing, you'll be her doormat and that will be so much worse.

[TheRealPsiPhi]

After 2 short phone conversations and 2 emails the first week of the breakup, I'm now on day 1 of "No Contact", and it's eating me up inside.

 

Truer words have never been said. I've hit the one week mark and now I'm having trouble going to sleep at night. And this is supposed to help us?

[twiggs]

Yeah guys, your right. Im going to continue NC. However, the next time she trys calling(if she does) I'll probably answer. Actually i work nights now so i will miss her calls (if she calls) I figure if she really wants to get ahold of me to see how things are going, she'll find a way. But my basic question was, i understand the 1st phone call. The ones afterwards that i havnt answered are the ones that are eating me. Why call? Thanks guys

[Switch187]

After 2 short phone conversations and 2 emails the first week of the breakup, I'm now on day 1 of "No Contact", and it's eating me up inside.

 

Truer words have never been said. I've hit the one week mark and now I'm having trouble going to sleep at night. And this is supposed to help us?

 

That's why I felt NC wasn't such a good idea between my g/f and me when we broke up. It just didn't feel right, and didn't feel like it would help us accomplish anything if we werent' communicating. We usually ended NC after a few days, and the last time we tried NC it only lasted 3 days, then we got back together went out, and we've been back together since then (that was last week). Maybe NC isn't the right path for you if you feel that it's not helping you.

 

And for Twiggs, like most people have said, she either is now realizing the mistake she made and wants to fix things, or she wants to make sure your still "available" so when she does figure out things she can come back to you. I know how you feel by wanting to be "cold" and not answer her calls (I've been there) but you may be mistaken by those calls and she could really be trying to reach out to you and make an effort to show you that she was wrong for what she did. Of course it's up to you if you want to talk to her, or take her back (if that's what shes trying) but I think that if you really want an answer to all the calls, the only person that they can come from is her. Next time she calls (and your available to answer) try to setup a conversation for you two to get these things settled (either in person or on the phone) and there you can ask her why she's showing you this amount of attention after what happened. Best of luck, but I think your best shot at concluding this would be with her.

[twiggs]

Thanks Switch. I appreciate it. Ill try to bring my phone with me, but if she does call I'll find time to talk to her. I wont be as blunt as asking her why, but i will certainly entertain the idea of opening communication. However, I will not have her talk to her b/f than me, than b/f than me. There has to be some sort understanding. Do you agree?

[Switch187]

Oh I do agree that there should be some understanding between the two of you before you could even start to communicate. I don't know how you could go about getting that through to her (about her talking with her b/f then you, and going back and forth) but maybe you could let her know that you are open to communicating with her, but it will only go so far since she's in a relationship with someone else (like tell her you don't want to talk about "us" during this time, and if it comes up you wouldn't really want to spend time discussing that topic). Or you can also let her know (which I think you already have) that you won't always be available to communicate with her right now until she can show you that she's giving you all of her attention during the time of communication, if not then it's just a "casual just friends" type of relationship right now, and that's all the effort your going to put into it. Well I don't really know if what I said helps, or gives you ideas of what you want to do, but I do hope that things go well for you.

[kalshane]

you wanna get back together with her?

[twiggs]

thanks switch. I dont think the conversation will that deep that fast.

As much as i tell myself im mad at her, i dont need her, and im better off, deep down I would take her back. Granted not at first, but over time i would. When you get into another physical relationship (holding hands, sex, etc...) that friggen fast, thats a tough pill to swallow, you know. It makes you think what the hell she was thinking. Shes three years younger and obsessed with being liked, and envyed by her peers its sick. But i love her, and i want her to be happy, with or without me (hopefully down the road w/ me)

[twiggs]

Hey guys. Last night i got another call. I answered but was in a huge hurr Late for work) i asked if she could call me back in a few minutes. She ended up calling me back but i had just left the car to go inside. ANyways she called three more times and finally left a messege ( she never leaves a messege, and she never calls on a monday) Anyways she says "she just wanted to say hi, but i guess you dont want to talk, so give me a call later if you wanna talk, thats cool. Bye" Im a tough sh*t to get ahold of she said.

 

My question is whats going on her. I havnt called her once. Nor do i make any atempts to call her. What do i do next i guess?

[milano]

thats good, ur more unavailable and its workin on her pysche. shes rechin out to you more now..id say just contact her, if your ready to talk that is..dont get nervous..be confident say whats up uve been busy..talk a bit..then say ya gotta go and ttyl. it will frustrate her a bit but at least she talked to ya..shes gonna want more! just keep doin what ur doin..its obviously workin

[twiggs]

You really think so. I assume shes still with the other fella, dont really know. Dont know if i will call though. Do you imagine if i dont call she will call back. I dont even know her schedule anymore.

[milano]

oh didnt realize she was with another fella sorry i guess i missed that part. well either way it dont matter..if she with someone else and still wants to talk to you..i would think thats good cause most of times girls dont want to talk to their exs when they in new relationships..and if you two broek up on good terms and the relatinship wasnt bad, then she might be realizing how much ya meant to her. well ya can give it more time to see if hse calls..and if she does answer, if she dont..then ya can give her a call to say whats up

[twiggs]

when should i call back (if i do) Next day?(which is today) tom.? Oh last night i wrote her a text for the first time after she called and i had to go. I said i work nights, will be home around 7am, I cant talk now....thats the same as calling right, so techniqually I already called, just waiting on her? The messege she left she said "Oh, i guess you dont want to talk to me, well give me a call, if you wanna talk" Talk? she left me. Part of the deal is you dont "talk" correct me if im wrong..

[Iceman26]

I would ask her if she wants to talk so much, why doesnt she call her boyfriend? I would ask her that. If she says she wants to be friends, I mean unless you want to be friends with her, I would tell her if she is looking for friends to go join the YMCA.

[twiggs]

Nice Iceman!! Join the YMCA, thats funny stuff. I agree with what your saying 100% How could you be just friends w/ someone you were engaged with. Id be lying if i said i wouldnt want to work things out though...down the line. Right now would be tough though..I odnt want to talk to her than have her go to him F that Sh*t.

[Iceman26]

There you go man, make it happen.

 

You'll feel better and less confused when you bring up the new boyfriend and ask her why she is even calling if she already has a new person to talk with. She made her bed, and she should lie in it too. This is chess, it isnt checkers.

 

Put your cards on the table, you know? Just be brutally honest, its not like you have anything to lose at this point, I mean she is already dating somebody else, so who cares? You also have to wonder if she was calling the guy before you while you were dating her, you know?

[twiggs]

so come out and ask her why shes calling? Should i tell her how i feel about the situation. See she split the sheets with me, 4 days later she was dating this guy. She pretty much said she wanted nothing to do with me. So i stopped. Didnt contact her. Now shes calling. She already apologised for getting in a relationship "that fast, it just worked out that way" Im actually getting pissed off talking about this. If i confront her, and she stops calling, or calls back later how would i take that. In your opinion why is she calling again

[Iceman26]

Yeah ask her why she is calling, if she has a new boyfriend, then why the hell is she bothering you?

 

If you want to tell her how you feel about it, then do so. Like I said before, you have nothing to lose.

 

Yeah I am sure it just "worked out" that way that this new relationship came along 4 days after you guys broke up. What a joke. Tell me you didnt believe it "just happened".

 

Great new relationship she is having too, calling you all the time while she is dating some other dude. Tell her you are doing fine, but that you dont think its right that she calls you while she is dating someone else. Tell her if she loses the boyfriend to give you a call if thats what you want, but she isn't doing you any favors calling you with another guy in her life.

 

I dont know why she is still calling you, why dont you ask her when she calls again?

[kalshane]

I think she's calling because she knows she can. She can count on stringing you along for however long she wants. Like Iceman says, lay your cards on the table and tell her exactly what you want. I'd say something like this: " Uhhh, hey. Why are you still calling me?! What is it that you WANT?!!! What are you trying to do, kick me when I'm down? I'm sure your rebound man wouldn't appreciate you contacting me, so stop it. If you even want to consider talking to me again, you're gonna have to lose him, and I mean gone! On second thought, what am I saying!! I can't trust you even if you were to come back! So in a nutshell what I'm saying is LEAVE ME ALONE!!!"

 

Or something like that. Even in a perfect world, say she dumps this dude and begs to get back with you, there will always be a shadow between you. That shadow points to her, and how she is capable of doing this to you. Theres someone out there who would never do that in a million years.

[twiggs]

Thanks guys. Everything you've said is 100% true. Last night, she left another messege that said " Ok, I lyed, there is somthing i need to talk to you about, would you please give me a call back" I havnt called her back. The only thing I question is the stringing out of me. I havnt called her, or answered any of her last 7 phone calls. Another thing is its been said that the guy shes is with has alot of STDS. I told her about this when she split but wanted nothing to do with what i said. " of course my old boyfriend is going to try and bad mouth anyone knew." Wow, you guys are making me see the light...........everytime i talk to you about this i get angry. A girl shouldnt do that..Thanks ICe, kalshane!!!