Why am I destined to be alone?

[MattW]

I know I post a lot about the same kind of stuff, but I feel like I have a better understanding of the "pieces" of my "puzzle", so to speak, but I still don't know how to "put it all together". I've been doing a lot more thinking, trying to figure things out for myself, and these are the things I've come to realize...

 

- When it comes to identifying a girl I'd like to ask out, I have zero interest in looks. That's not to say I don't have sexual desires, but they don't kick in at all until after I've fallen for someone. I'm looking more for mental stimulation. When I say "mental stimulation", I'm not necessarily talking about someone that's very heavily minded towards science or politics, or anything like that. I, myself, have very... peculiar outlooks and beliefs, as well as a peculiar sense of humor. Ideally, I want to be with someone that not only understands, but also shares the same peculiar mind. Unfortunately, from what I've seen, it's extremely difficult for me to find someone that's similar to me in that aspect. I don't really "fit in" with any specific group, so it's not like there are specific activity groups I could get involved with that would necessarily get me meeting like-minded people. Again, I consider myself very peculiar; not "better" or "worse" than anyone else, just... different. Honestly, my entire life, I've always felt like I don't really "fit in" with the vast majority of people and groups I come accross.

 

- People, in general, don't seem to "like" me. That's not to say people dislike me; people don't mind me, but they don't REALLY like me. People don't actively try to avoid me, but they don't actively try to include me, either. If I'm "there", people are okay with my presence, but I don't get the sense that anyone ever thinks "I really want to go hang out with/ talk to him!". I constantly find myself in situations where I feel "left out" by people I'd like to spend time with; again, they don't purposely avoid including me, people just tend to forget about me and not think anything of it if I'm not included. Unfortunately, I'll admit, I'm not the funniest, most interesting, entertaining guy. But I try. I really do. I try to make people laugh, I try to think of things to say, but for the most part, it always ends up falling flat, not to mention, going back to me being "peculiar", I often feel like a lot of people don't really "get" me.

 

Only one time, last year, has someone ever made me feel like they WANTED to spend time with me, WANTED to be around me, WANTED to talk to me, and at the time, that really helped to make me feel like things could be different for me, but it only lasted about a month or two, and then I ended up back "on the outside looking in" all over again.

 

- On that same note, this makes finding someone to date even more of a challenge. From what I've seen, in order to actually get a date, you have to be charismatic and/ or good-looking. Clearly, as I just said, I'm apparently not charismatic enough for people to want to actively try to spend time with, so that's right out the window immediately. And as for looks, that's something I've just accepted I'll never have on my side. Do I think I'm "ugly"? No. But I'm unusually short, I have the face of a 12 year old boy, I can't seem to properly grow facial hair, and even my voice is a bit high-pitch; overall, I look very much like a "little boy", and girls don't want to date a "little boy", they want to date a "man".

 

 

 

A lot of you guys have pegged me as "negative" in the past, and I never really denied that. But the truth is, I feel like that negativity has only stemmed from pent up frustrations. I don't think I lack confidence, I don't think I project negativity to the world around me. I go out into the world and I try, I try to be positive and do what I can with people, but I ALWAYS come up empty-handed, and those frustrations build up.

 

So what's the solution? People frequently say "Stop focusing on it so much and just focus on you". And that's fine, that's not bad advice. But I've never really been "focusing on it" as much as my posts would have you believe. Yes, having people in my life (both romantically and platonically) is something I want very, very badly, but I've spent the last several years trying to put my actual energy into other aspects of my life. And really, everything else is going pretty well for me right now. My education and career are on the right track. I have a handful of hobbies that bring me some personal joy in my free time. I'm basically happy with "me", and honestly, I have been for a while. That's why this stuff gets to me, because as much as it may sound like it, I'm not "unhappy" with me, and it's frustrating to be unable to have anyone in my life.

 

I think I'm a good person, that deserves to have friends, that deserves to find a girl, that deserves to not be as completely alone and alienated as I am. And yet, here I am. Constantly "chasing my tail", unable to figure out why I'm perpetually stuck in this position I'm stuck in. Perhaps some of us are just "destined" to be alone?

[BrianH46]

Even though it sounds morbidly depressing; the truth of life is that you are owed nothing, you are entitled to nothing. That includes friendship, wealth, and even love. You got the short end of the stick regarding the life that you were given however it is a stick nonetheless, what you do with your stick is entirely up to you. Matt, you need to be proactive with your life rather than sticking to your passive contemplative methods of living it. In other words if you want to see a change, try doing something radically different to what you are doing right now.

 

Destined to be alone? Not necessarily but you are not far from it if you refuse to try something new.

[Capricorn3]

I think you'll find your answer in your many many threads about this topic. It is all there and it will be in all future threads you create. Members have been telling you the same thing over and over again. Your answer lies in all of your threads.

 

Also, I don't mean to be harsh, but there are some people who really thrive on drama. You seem to thrive on negativity and pity-parties. The sooner you start helping yourself (by following the advice so many members have been giving you for years), and get out of your "pity-party" rut, the sooner you'll start living a more happy and productive life.

[skygreen1111]

This all sounds very passive to me. I remember when i was young I felt that nobody was ever thinking of me, calling me, inviting me places. It is when I got more active in making plans with people and making the first move that I realized being passive doesn't always work. Also, in terms of just conversation, it sounds like you are almost trying too hard to be funny etc, which tends to make things a bit more awkward. It's better to just relax and go with it. Maybe spend less time trying to find people who "Get" you, and try spending more time trying to "Get" other people?

 

 

 

Dude a lot of what you project outwards is subconscious. You are being ridiculously critical of your looks, they really aren't that important. I've seen a lot of very ugly and very out of shape guys get girl after girl. It's much more to do with self confidence than looks. I know plenty of short guys who get girls, i know plenty of guys who cant grow facial hair, who have higher voices, and young faces, and aren't destined to be alone. Like I siad, you may feel like you aren't projecting negativity out, but so much of it is subconscious... if you think this way about yourself, and actually feel this way about yourself, then I can't imagine that you arent projecting these beliefs outward whether you realize it or not.

 

 

 

I think some of us are meant to be alone. Myself included. I blame this on nobody than myself though. I think it is only destined to be so cause we keep believing it and thus creating it.

[siegfri333]

Not going to give you the "be proactive and you can change" BS wanabee therapists will throw at you to make YOU feel guilty about who you are... don't listen to those people, they are in the wrong, and usually the kind who would exclude you because you do not meet THEIR standards.

 

Your boring personnality is the problem, much more than your looks, but you can't "solve" your personnality past a certain age, you have to live with it. Charisma is not something you can acquire trough change or training, it's the result of your upbringing. You don't have charisma, and you're not funny, and nothing happens around you, that's why people don't contact you back, and never will. I know how it is, lived trough this also during 15 years, trying hard to be "myself" (which was the problem), then be "better" (which looked fake and didn't resist scrutiny). The hardest part of the life of antisocial people is accepting what they are without anger, and stop trying to be with people who don't want them. It takes time and experience, but it's entirely possible; the key is to realize that hey, sure you don't get all the fun other people do, but it's THEIR world, not yours. Find your world.

 

The only practical and achievable thing you can do is pick up a hobby/trade and become very good at it. Then you might command respect in your personnal life for achieving something, and you will be proud of yourself. Don't give money to therapists, it's a waste.

[MattW]

I think you'll find your answer in your many many threads about this topic. It is all there and it will be in all future threads you create. Members have been telling you the same thing over and over again. Your answer lies in all of your threads.

 

But unless there's something I'm overlooking, everyone always just says "Focus on yourself", or "Get out more and meet people". I have been "focusing on myself", and as I've said, "getting out more and meeting people" is much more difficult for me than it should be. It's hard to go seek out like-minded people when I don't even know where to look because I don't even really know where I "fit in". And when I do find people I genuinely like and enjoy being around, they're just indifferent to me, and I get nowhere with them.

 

This all sounds very passive to me. I remember when i was young I felt that nobody was ever thinking of me, calling me, inviting me places. It is when I got more active in making plans with people and making the first move that I realized being passive doesn't always work. Also, in terms of just conversation, it sounds like you are almost trying too hard to be funny etc, which tends to make things a bit more awkward. It's better to just relax and go with it. Maybe spend less time trying to find people who "Get" you, and try spending more time trying to "Get" other people?

 

I've been trying to be "active" with people, but no matter what, I just feel like everyone is always "indifferent". I don't like pushing TOO hard, because when I feel like people are indifferent to me, I feel like I'd just end up being a "third wheel", and I don't want that. I don't necessarily know that "trying too hard at being funny" is necessarily the problem; honestly, I just have trouble coming up with things to say that stick with people. If I try to jump into a conversation, my input tends to just fall flat and nobody really listens. At this point, I feel like I don't even know how to start and/ or carry on a proper conversation with people. I try, and when I'm around people, I sit there in my head trying to think of something to say, some way to start a conversation, anything at all, but I just can't ever think of anything, and all there is is awkward "dead air" unless they say something.

 

Dude a lot of what you project outwards is subconscious. You are being ridiculously critical of your looks, they really aren't that important. I've seen a lot of very ugly and very out of shape guys get girl after girl. It's much more to do with self confidence than looks. I know plenty of short guys who get girls, i know plenty of guys who cant grow facial hair, who have higher voices, and young faces, and aren't destined to be alone. Like I siad, you may feel like you aren't projecting negativity out, but so much of it is subconscious... if you think this way about yourself, and actually feel this way about yourself, then I can't imagine that you arent projecting these beliefs outward whether you realize it or not.

 

I dunno. I mean, I've always heard that looks aren't that important and that girls are more attracted to someone they connect with, but in my experience, any time I find someone I actually connect with (which is few and far between), they'd rather date a guy that's "cool" and "hot", and usually ends up breaking their heart, and that's frustrating to watch. I feel like I know I'd be good with this person, and I know I sure as heck wouldn't "break their heart", yet I'm "not good enough" for them.

 

It's annoying, too, because I know a guy who's a bit sleazy and literally tries to sleep with every girl he comes accross, and most often, is successful. Even the smarter mature girls that know he's sleazy and sleeps around end up falling for his charms, and that's frustrating to see. If you know how he is, why would you want to be yet another girl on his "list"?

 

Your boring personnality is the problem, much more than your looks, but you can't "solve" your personnality past a certain age, you have to live with it. Charisma is not something you can acquire trough change or training, it's the result of your upbringing. You don't have charisma, and you're not funny, and nothing happens around you, that's why people don't contact you back, and never will. I know how it is, lived trough this also during 15 years, trying hard to be "myself" (which was the problem), then be "better" (which looked fake and didn't resist scrutiny). The hardest part of the life of antisocial people is accepting what they are without anger, and stop trying to be with people who don't want them. It takes time and experience, but it's entirely possible; the key is to realize that hey, sure you don't get all the fun other people do, but it's THEIR world, not yours. Find your world.

 

That's pretty much what I'm afraid of. I don't want to be alone, and just thinking about the fact that I'll probably be alone for at least the next 10-15 years, if not the remainder of my life, makes me physically ill. But I just don't know how to be a more "attractive" person that people WANT to be around and WANT to be with. I try to do what I can, I try to be what I can be, but in the end, it seems I'm just never quite "good enough" for people to care one way or another whether I'm present in their lives or not.

[happpybear]

i think you think [about yourself] too much.

 

Stop analyzing everything you do,they do, and just live man

 

have you travelled? by yourself? to a country that is less well off than your own? perhaps you should, it will open your eyes and give you a better perspective about life.

[MattW]

i think you think [about yourself] too much.

 

Stop analyzing everything you do,they do, and just live man

 

But "life" is kind of boring when you don't really have anyone to spend it with. For me, to "just live" is to go to school, go to work, and spend the rest of the time at home indulging in little hobbies by myself. And that's okay, I'm "content" with that kind of day-to-day life, but it's hard not to get lonely. I want human companionship. I want to find people I really enjoy being around, I want to find people that really enjoy being around me.

 

I feel like if I died tomorrow, nobody would really even care, except my parents. There would be some people that would be shocked, but they'd move on within a minute or so and not give it another thought. I just feel like I may as well not even exist. I like having personal little hobbies, and I like having SOME time to myself, but it's hard to not feel very lonely when you've spent almost 25 years without friends, without girlfriends, without anyone.

 

have you travelled? by yourself? to a country that is less well off than your own? perhaps you should, it will open your eyes and give you a better perspective about life.

 

I can't afford to travel, frankly, and the only trips I've ever been on have been with my parents when I was a kid. Honestly, I've never "taken a trip" by myself, I've never spent a night at somewhere that's not my home without my parents there as well, etc. I don't know if I could ever really travel by myself. I don't have the ability to be able to just talk to and meet people along the way, and I'd feel extremely lost, so even if I went somewhere nice by myself, I'd probably just end up spending 98% of the time in a hotel room by myself wondering why I even bothered in the first place. I'd travel if I had people to travel with. That would be fun, and I wouldn't feel so "lost" and "alone".

[skygreen1111]

I don't necessarily know that "trying too hard at being funny" is necessarily the problem; honestly, I just have trouble coming up with things to say that stick with people. If I try to jump into a conversation, my input tends to just fall flat and nobody really listens. At this point, I feel like I don't even know how to start and/ or carry on a proper conversation with people. I try, and when I'm around people, I sit there in my head trying to think of something to say, some way to start a conversation, anything at all, but I just can't ever think of anything, and all there is is awkward "dead air" unless they say something.

 

See... thats exactly what I mean by trying too hard. You sit there desperately trying to start conversations and overthinking what to say. That usually means what you say is gonna come off weird or be a bit awkward. In general conversation is supposed to flow a bit more natural without over analyzing everything you are going to say before you say it.

 

 

I dunno. I mean, I've always heard that looks aren't that important and that girls are more attracted to someone they connect with, but in my experience, any time I find someone I actually connect with (which is few and far between), they'd rather date a guy that's "cool" and "hot", and usually ends up breaking their heart, and that's frustrating to watch. I feel like I know I'd be good with this person, and I know I sure as heck wouldn't "break their heart", yet I'm "not good enough" for them.

 

Do you see the contradiction in your posts?? First you complain about how you arent into most girls because they don't fit your "peculiar mindset". But really, you just come off sounding extremely picky and closeminded towards most girls, though i realize that may not be what you mean. But then you complain that the few girls who fit your high standards aren't into you, and make it sound like it's something wrong with them for not giving you a chance, but look at all the other girls YOU don't give a chance?

 

I realize that may not be exactly what you mean, but thats exactly how its coming accross.

[MattW]

See, when it comes to talking and having conversations, I over think it because I don't know how to keep things flowing. For instance, if I were to say "The weather is nice", and they just say "Yeah, it is", I have absolutely no idea how to follow that up, then there's just awkward "dead air". So I try to put more thought into what I can say and follow up with, but I have trouble coming up with anything, and by the time I do, the moment has passed and/ or it would just be too awkward at that point.

 

As far as my standards go, what it all comes down to is the "chemistry" I have with any particular person. I don't have a ridiculous mental checklist that I measure everyone up against. I just look at how we get along, and if I feel we "click", then I'm attracted and would like to go on a date. It's not a one way thing, either; I try to figure out if I think I would be a good match for them, too, not just if they'd be good for me. I just seem to have a ridiculously hard time making that connection.

 

Honestly, I rarely write off any girl completely, but I can generally tell whether we seem to have chemistry or not pretty quickly. But I'm open minded to the possibility that it could show up later. Until it does, though, I feel no interest in asking her out, because without chemistry, I feel no attraction, and if I'm not personally attracted, why go on a date with someone? So, no, I almost never peg a girl as someone I would absolutely positively never ever date, and if I do, I usually have a pretty good reason. But for the most part, I just never really feel any kind of personal attraction to most girls, and without at least some attraction, I'm not compelled to ask someone out.

[MattW]

Also, I feel like my perspective on dating has been highly skewered by the fact that I met someone last year that I feel is the best possible match for myself that I could ever hope to find. The chemistry we had was absolutely amazing, and I've never wanted to be with someone more than I wanted to be with her. I have a hard time believing I could find someone like that ever again. If I do, it'll probably take me decades, and by then, I'll be too old to really enjoy it. And now that I've seen "the best", I just can't really wrap my head around randomly dating girls because I feel like I'd just end up being bored because we wouldn't be as good together.

 

If I can get metaphorical for a second, it's like someone gave me a teeny tiny sliver of a piece of steak, and it was by far the best damn steak I've ever tasted, but that's all I could have. And now, all I can do is keep eating cheap fast food hamburgers and hope that maybe I'll eventually be able to fool myself into thinking one of them tastes as good as that amazing steak I got a little piece of. Does that make sense?

 

I feel like meeting someone like the girl I met last year is a "once in a life time" thing, and my only option for dating at this point is to settle for someone that's not as good of a match for me. But I don't WANT to settle. Now that I've seen "the best", that's exactly what I want. But I also don't want to be alone, and what are the odds I can find another girl within the next 5-10 years that's even half as good of a match for me?

[happpybear]

and my only option for dating at this point is to settle for someone that's not as good of a match for me. But I don't WANT to settle

 

^^^this sounds totally neurotic. i don't understand why you think you have to settle. have you met every woman on the planet and determined that only this one chick from your past was your best match and now all the other woman are not good enough?

 

if you want to date and meet woman (which you clearly do by your post) stop rejecting them right from the get-go. stop thinking that any woman you date will be "settling". go in with a positive mindset rather than a negative one.

 

 

have you ever practiced meditation? might help you stop thinking and stuff that is unimportant

[MattW]

^^^this sounds totally neurotic. i don't understand why you think you have to settle. have you met every woman on the planet and determined that only this one chick from your past was your best match and now all the other woman are not good enough?

 

The whole thing with "settling" comes from some different sources. For one, everyone in my family that I'm even the least bit closest to that is married is unhappy because they married someone because they felt like they were their only option. Even my parents are basically this way. This terrifies me, because I don't want to end up like the rest of my family, but it's all I know, it's all I've seen. Not to mention, I already have "settling" tendencies; there have been plenty of times where I wasn't quite happy with something, but I allowed myself to get so used to it that I just stopped trying to make the situation better for myself. I'm a pretty predictable person, and I think it's very likely that, if left to my own devices, I will absolutely settle for someone I'm not happy with, because even though I'm not happy, it becomes a habit and I just get used to it.

 

As far as the number of girls I've met, eh. It's not like I've only ever met, like, three girls my entire lifetime. I've met plenty of girls in the last 5-8 years, and I just never feel like I find anyone I want to be more than friends with.

 

if you want to date and meet woman (which you clearly do by your post) stop rejecting them right from the get-go.

 

Again, there's really no "writing off". Like I said, I can usually tell within a few weeks if a particular girl is someone I would want to go on a date with, and while the answer to that is almost always no, I'm open-minded enough that that answer could change later on if something titillates me in some way. It's very rare for me to think "There is absolutely positively 100% no chance I would ever date this girl". I try to just be friendly and nice to the people around me, and if I "notice" a girl I previously didn't see as someone I'd want to date at the time, then I'd go for it. It just doesn't really happen in practice. But I don't "write off" anyone permanently, or anything like that.

 

Also, you can't really reject someone unless they want something. And I think it's a safe bet that there have never been any girls that were interested in dating me that I "rejected". I'm not the kind of guy that girls "notice", I'm not the kind of guy that girls think about. I'm the kind of guy that has to find a girl I feel enough of a connection with to ask out, and pray to god that she'll think "Eh... Sure, why not?".

 

have you ever practiced meditation? might help you stop thinking and stuff that is unimportant

 

Not in the "traditional" sense, no. The closest thing would be that recently, I've been internally repeating certain words and ideas in my head when I begin to get upset about certain things. Particularly, there are certain people I know and see fairly regularly that I feel "in pain" around them (even sometimes physically ill), so when I'm around them now, I've been trying really hard to repeat certain words and phrases to myself in my mind to "power through" my encounters with them. The results have been... so-so. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I guess I'm still "practicing". Does that count as "meditation" at all?

[happpybear]

I guess I'm still "practicing". Does that count as "meditation" at all?

 

not really, this is just a coping mechanism.

 

I don't think you will find anything here helpfull, tBH you seem super negative and no topen to suggestion or comments. perhaps you need to get some counseling from a professional.

[MattW]

No offense, but I'm tired of hearing that I'm "negative". Do I have a lot of doubts about my future? Sure. Do I post a lot about them here? Sure. But out in the real world, I'm not this black cloud of sadness that you guys seem to think I am. I've had no problem putting on a happy face and trying my best to play the part. I don't get the sense that people don't want me in their life because I'm "too negative", I just feel like they don't find me interesting/ entertaining enough.

 

I'm not "closed off to suggestions and comments", but I just can't seem to find any value in them. All anyone really says is "Go out more, live life, meet people". "Go out" where? I can't really go out somewhere by myself and have a good time; if I go out by myself, it's to do something practical, like grocery shopping or something. As far as "living life", I've been doing my own thing for years, now, and it hasn't really gotten me anywhere. And meeting people isn't exactly the easiest thing to do when I, myself, am not an interesting, entertaining person. And unfortunately, being interesting and entertaining isn't something that just anyone can pick up and learn. Those are things that you kinda either are or you aren't. What am I supposed to do with that?

 

And when it comes to dating, all anyone says is "Stop rejecting girls, ask out any girl you come accross, go on dates". Again, I don't "reject" girls; how many ways do I have to say this? I don't meet a new girl and instantly think "Nope, not gonna date her". I'll see how we interact for a week or so, and if I don't feel anything (and I usually don't), I just internally say "We can just be friends for now, and see what happens later on". As for asking out girls, what you guys don't seem to realize is that my scale of attraction doesn't seem to work the same way a normal person's does. I'm not saying I need to be head over heels for a girl, but there has to be SOMETHING (doesn't have to be anything big or major) that draws me in and makes me want to ask her out, and that's just too hard to find when doing the cold approach. I'm not like most other guys I know; most other guys I know are just like "Ooh, that girl over there is hot!" and for them, it's on. Me, it doesn't work like that. I don't "notice" that kind of thing, and frankly, I don't care about that. I'm not looking for someone that makes me drool, I'm looking for someone that makes me think, someone that makes me smile.

 

And I'm not trying to be argumentative, here. I just wonder how many of you guys REALLY understand what it's like to be me. I suspect most of you have fairly normal, healthy social and love lives, and haven't spent almost 25 years with no friends, no dates, nothing. I wonder how many of you really realize how that affects someone and what that does to a person. I'm not trying to whine that "life is too hard" or "life is unfair", but what I'm getting at is, it's not as easy for me to do this stuff as you guys make it out to be. If I could just snap my fingers and be "more positive", be more interesting, be more entertaining, go out and have a good time by myself, meet and talk to people and hit it off, ask girls out, go on dates, etc., I would, but for me, this stuff just isn't that easy. But I DO realize that it should be! Most normal people are able to do all of things with ease. It shouldn't be a struggle, and I understand that, but for me, it is.

[happpybear]

we don't understand what it is like to be you, and if you don't like the advice here than stop asking, once again, go to a professional because clearly you cannot deal with your problems, and life is too short to feel crappy, right?

[MattW]

Yeah, but I really don't see why I'd give more merit to anything a therapist says over anything I'd hear from someone on here.

 

Anyway, someone on another forum said something to me in a slightly different discussion that made me think and actually kind of blew my mind. She had said something about people generally being "programmed" to pursue people that remind us of our parents. And it kind of occurred to me, perhaps this is the root of my inability to become attracted to 98% of the girls I encounter...

 

I can't stand my mother. On the outside, she plays herself off as a nice, quiet, homely, innocent, shy woman (even to me, this is the "act" I tend to get from her). I find this personality a bit annoying, but I find it even more infuriating because (unbeknownst to her), I know it's all an act. Deep down, my mom is a lying, manipulating, horrible snake of a person. She mentally/ emotionally abuses my father, and she frequently cheats on him with old boyfriends, and whatnot.

 

I'm terrified of ending up with someone like my mother. And I think that's why I'm not personally attracted to 98% of the girls I encounter, because in some way, even if it's small, many girls remind me of my mom. I'm dead set on finding someone that's so completely different from my mom, that it whittles down my dating pool because most girls have some basic quality that makes me think of my mom.

[Drew1986]

I gotta admit, I registered because this story hit me pretty hard.. I too feel exactly how you feel sometimes about trying to hard to make people laugh or trying to hard and not knowing what to say to continue a convo.... and its really hard to really discuss what is right and what is wrong, I also disagree with what most people are saying to you because its more or less the politically correct thing to say to you with the whole.. "don't over analyze or don't think too much or, go out more and be more active" Now i'm not saying that all that isn't great advice, it is, but it doesn't really give you steps on how to use that advice. I guess what i can tell you from my personal experience is to realize that everyone on this earth is different... and yes its true, more people are more social and have charismatic traits, some more than others, but the fact of the matter is, your not the only one that feels this way about yourself... trust me, I know people who are boring or believe they are, and honestly we all have a place in groups ect. Try to figure out who people are, what they like to talk about, their interests.. you don't always have to make people laugh bro, laughter is just one way to connect with people, just try to broaden your knowledge and getting to know people who are completely different from you will help that,, you'll be able to talk about what they like and ect. We also have to remember, some people actually look up to us that we may not even know... do you know anyone at all who you feel is a little weird and different? What makes you think they are weird and different? Eventho you may look at yourself as boring and not entertaining, there may be people who wish they could be like you because of their own situations... you just have to try to be happy with who you are and just try to get to know other people and find out what they like and just broaden your interest and just take it as a learning experience, try to learn from people even if its not exactly what your into... you admit you have your own hobbies that you enjoy and that's fine, i'm not saying take up hobbies that you don't like that you know other people like but just try to learn enough about what other people like so you dont' feel like your left out of conversations that people have.. also be happy about your "boringness or lack of charisma" we all have some kind of charisma no matter how small it may be, think of it as being unique, different than the rest... you just gotta find your place with people that's all,

[brittney87]

I did not read through all of the above people's comments, simply because there are too many. This may have been suggested already but you said "I don't really "fit in" with any specific group, so it's not like there are specific activity groups I could get involved with that would necessarily get me meeting like-minded people." How do you know that there are not individuals there whom are just like you, but are in that specific group activity because they too feel like they are different and have nowhere else to turn to.

[MattW]

I did not read through all of the above people's comments, simply because there are too many. This may have been suggested already but you said "I don't really "fit in" with any specific group, so it's not like there are specific activity groups I could get involved with that would necessarily get me meeting like-minded people." How do you know that there are not individuals there whom are just like you, but are in that specific group activity because they too feel like they are different and have nowhere else to turn to.

 

Well, I mean, that's kind of a broad statement. Anyway, the bigger issue is that there just isn't really anything that stands out to me enough to say "I really like this, I'm going to see if there's somewhere I can go do this with other people". Maybe it's just me, but finding "activity groups" doesn't really seem that easy.

[skygreen1111]

MattW, what are your interests? What do you enjoy doing?

[MattW]

MattW, what are your interests? What do you enjoy doing?

 

Well, I enjoy editing audio and video, which started as a hobby and is now something I'm looking to turn into a career, but that's basically something I do by myself, sitting in front of a computer.

 

I'm big on gaming, but similarly, that's something I do by myself, in front of a TV.

 

I love comic books, but not so much that I'd want to go to conventions or anything like that (I don't think any ever come near me, anyway), and there really aren't any local comic stores to hang out at.

[Jetta]

To me it sounds like you just haven't met the right person yet. You're young, a bit of a geek (no offense intended), and you have to get friends to introduce you to someone or get out where you can meet someone.

[Ayanokōji]

IMO "But I'm unusually short, I have the face of a 12 year old boy, I can't seem to properly grow facial hair, and even my voice is a bit high-pitch; overall, I look very much like a "little boy", and girls don't want to date a "little boy", they want to date a "man"."

 

Is a big problem but its not something you can change, you're pretty much playing the dating game on hard mode so it's expected that you are not having much luck. I'm also playing the dating game on hard mode so I can relate (everytime I hit a club, girls would either ignore me or slap my cheeks or pinch them and laugh lol...) and the only thing you can do is find something that you are good at, your talent and pursue that. Put dating on the back of your mind, go forward and give it your all on living the life that you want and find that special someone along the path.

 

A lot of people may suggest stuff like be more out going, ask random girls out to increase your confidence, dating is a game of numbers, if you ask 100 girls out and 1 accepts then thats still 1 better than 0 etc... If you have low confidence with women then you may try that too to break one of your walls which is preventing success in your love life.