No Contact Then suprise Visit from EX at 3:30am

[Bizw]

Hello Everyone,

 

My girlfriend of five years broke up with me about a month ago. She wants all her free time available for her friends.Shes 20 and I'm 23. The past weeks have been rough to say the least. She tells me not to give up, and that she still wants to see and talk to me, but shes out everynight drinking with her friends which include many guys. Shes very attractive and outgoing, and I fear sticking around will just set me up for a worse time later.

 

The past three weeks we've seen eachother twice and talked almost everyday. I've tried no contact and everytime she has called 40-50 times and then I gave in and answered. While this week I decided to hang tough. She called over a 100 times in a day and I still didnt answer. Next day she called about 20 times and I didnt answer.

 

While about 3:30 am I get a surprise. I'm sleeping and then she comes in to my room, my roommate let her in. It was not good, I told her to leave me alone and things just got worse. She told me that she was afraid I would never call or answer so she had to come over. Then she gets a call from a couple of guys that she works with. They tell her to come over and she tells them it's late and she can't, the tell her come on while come get you, and then the guy says his friend Brett wants to suck on her tits. She told them she had to go, most likely I think because her phone was loud enough for me to hear the whole conversation. We got into a big argument and she left. I feel like I'm back to square one.

 

Today, I've been foolish and calling her asking her questions, I know this is a big no-no. But before you tell me that, let me explain.

 

 

She always tells me that she wants to continue seeing me and talking, and not to give up hope. I told her that she can still spend as much time with her friends but I want her to commit to me as her boyfriend so I don't have to worry. Shes honest and I'm pretty sure she wouldnt flirt or cheat if she was with me. She then told me that she likes to be independent and that she doesnt want a boyfriend right now, If she did it would be me. She told me she loves me so much but shes confused.

 

I can give her space, and I want to continue seeing her because five years is a long time, to throw away. I also feel the need to know shes not out looking or getting interested in other men. Shes been having so much fun, out every night up until 5-6am, I feel like shes making new memorys and that I'm going to become less and less important. I don't want to stick around until she finds another guy, because thats what I'm afraid will happen. Do you think this is a good possiblity, I know you can't predict the future but would be your best guess if you had to make one?

Do you think she'll grow farther from me or do you think by seeing eachother and having fun she'll grow closer to me. Shes always busy and I feel like were growing farther apart. Do you think theres any hope of us getting back together, and that she just needs some time, or do you think I'm setting myself up for even worse heartache.

 

I'm willing to take a risk, but if you have been in or seen this sitution before let me know what has happeneded. Or if not whats your best guess on what will happen if I stick around. I know it's hard to take a postition on this but all I'm asking is for your opinion.

 

Thanks so much, I would be so grateful of any response.

[marolua]

I think this girl is not sure what to do, she wants to be independent but she also does not want to lose contact with you. She might want you at the end or may be she would find another person, but wouldn't it be better if you continue not to be available?

 

Only when she finds out that you are serious in what you mean, and that you love her but also you love yourself, then she will respect you more. Leave her alone so that she can find out how life will be without you.

I am telling these since once I had a bf, whom I really liked but did not want to be together, at least this was what I told to him. But the real thing was I just wanted someone to ready to accept me whenever I felt alone, and when I was not alone I never needed him. This was me, your gf's motivations might be different but I think that she is lying even to herself when she says that I wanted a bf, it would be you'.

 

I think you should try to see things from a distant and objective setting, and hope you will feel better about yourself soon..

[Day_Walker]

The first mature thing that you can do is ask yourself what do you want? After you have answered that question you have to figure if that is the best for you. If you take a look at the things that she has done since you break up, that should give you some indication of her motives and what she wants. Sticking around and hoping that you will get back together with her seems too desperate. I will agree that 5 years is a long time but in that time you also need to realize that things change and while you want this stable relationship she doesnt, and trying to make her want it or just simply waiting around for her isnt doing you any good. If you do want a relationship like that then you should look for someone more mature who can handle that type of relationship.

[OldGuy]

I think you should tell her to commit or shove off. After five years she either wants you or she doesn't.

 

If she wants to run around and be out until morning and let a friend of a friend suck her tits, you don't have a future together.

 

If you want to watch as she tears herself to shreads and then take whats left and try to put her back together then keep putting up with what she is handing out.

 

What is she saying when she says, "Don't give up hope." She is saying I want to go have fun and screw anybody I see and then I want you to be here waiting for me when I am done making a mess of myself.

[rich46]

You know my advice since we've PM'd quite a bit recently. Basically your situation is extremely similar to mine.

 

So she was 15 when she first started going out with you? That is young. My ex was a little older (18 ) but she was quiet and so had never experienced the 'fun, single life.' In fact, it is quite common for girls in their early 20s to want to play the field a little, especially if they have been in a long term relationship. My ex even said that she didn't want to reach 30 and regret not going out and doing 'single' things while she was still young.

 

I hate it how exes give us a tiny bit of (false) hope. My ex did the same. "Who knows what the future will hold?" she said. "There is always hope" she said. "I'm not making any promises, but I've been thinking about you a lot recently" she said.

 

Looking back, I'm so glad I ignored these selfish statements and went ahead with the no contact. She also said that our break up wasn't about other blokes, she just wanted to be single for a while. Well she called me about 4 weeks ago in a complete state...she did have a new boyfriend but he hadn't been treating her very well. Truth is, we have to let them make their own mistakes. We can't be used as an emotional back up, or doormat.

 

My point is, take everything your ex is saying with a massive pinch of salt. A lot of dumpers seem to be very selfish (intentionally or otherwise) and they only think about themselves. It's called having your cake and eating it. i.e. having a heartbroken ex waiting in the wings, while she goes out clubbing doing all kinds of things with all kinds of guys.

 

Don't let it happen.

 

Take care,

 

Rich

[SkyFire]

Looks like all she wants from you is attention.

 

Chicks ALWAYS are looking for guys. ALWAYS.

 

Be a man and stand up. Tell her to leave you alone. You two broke up a while ago, she doesent have feelings for you anymore. Forget her man.

 

Space? An excuse because she doesent like you anymore.

 

I suggest forget about her all together. She is only looking for your attention.

 

In my opinion: If ANY chick disrespected me enough to call/come over my house at 3 am when Im asleep, especially by surprise, they would never ever see or hear from me again.

[Bizw]

Thanks for all the advice!

 

I havent heard from anyone any hope of this working out without me cutting off contact from her. So is everyone in agreement that NC is the only way to go.

[marijo2480]

Hey there! The first thing that came to mind when I read your post is how on earth are you still talking to this girl if after a five year relationship she's out partying, obviously not mourning you, and having guys call her at 3 a.m. offering to suck on her tits! Dude, ARE YOU BLIND??? This girl is not worth it!!! I'm in my early 20s myself and agree mostly with what you guys are saying about young girls, but not ALL young girls in their 20s are the same. I think your ex in particular does fall in this category. She doesn't care for you. She's only using you for attention and for comfort. She sounds psychotic to me if she's willing to call you 1000 times and you don't pick up! Try to move on man! I know you dated for a long time but you guys were young. You're still young too. Enjoy yourself and eventually, a nice girl will come your way...just don't look for her! Good luck, drop the ex, move on!!

 

Marie

[Bizw]

I know that this goes against everything I've been told, but do you think theres any chance this will work. I'm willing to give her space, a few monthes is nothing compared to five years. Or will I be waiting for something thats already gone.

[marijo2480]

Coming from a woman's point of view, I would say that she's not worth it and if you want to give her "space" by all means go for it. This "space" might give you time to figure things out. Sometimes love, infatuation, lust, whatever you want to call it, blinds us and we can't see clearly until we look at things from a third party view. I think that's what you need. Everyone has pretty much told you to ditch her and that's because that's what we see best from what you're telling us. Ultimately, the choice is yours. If you wish to be with someone that treats you like that, that's your call....I personally wouldn't settle!

 

Hope that helps! Don't just think with your heart either. Use your head too!

 

Marie

[chai714]

Biz,

I think that this situation comes down to respect. She simply HAS NO RESPECT for you. To come over to your house AND even pick up her cell when it rings when she knows very well it's another dude proves it. She is immature and not ready for the type of relationship that you want. I know that with 5 years comes deep feelings of love, but you MUST take that component out of your thoughts for now. This girl is walking all over you, like she owns you. She thinks that she can come to your house or call you anytime she wants, but she's about to get a reality check. NC her for a while. .. let her go out, party, whatever. Focus on yourself and not the situation at hand. It will be hard, but FORCE YOURSELF to forget about her . . . for now. Not forever, but for now. She's gotta grow up and she can't with you standing by her side.

[lovelyram13]

From a woman's point of view, I'd say get over the ex. She is messing with your head. You can find someone who wont do that to you. to me it sounds like your ex is being trashy.

[ebola316]

Don't talk to her. You're only setting yourself up for more heartbreak. Believe me, when she see's someone who catches her attention, the phone calls will stop. Then you'll feel bad all over again, because you got used to her calling. The only way to treat these people that break up with us and still want to bother us is to cut them loose. Unplug the phone if you have to.