Female Advice Needed!! Why does she act this way?????????

[MrLonely]

My GF of 1.5 years just broke up with me. I didn't see it coming. There is another guy in the picture from her school.

 

NC for almost 2 weeks.

 

So my question is, why is it that she is out bad mouthing me to mutual friends (i.e. snide comments and such) and cries about me to other friends while totally ignoring me now and pretending we didn't just spend 1.5 years together.

[chicken]

this may be her way of getting things out. when she is 'slagging' you off to other of your mates it may be her way of not showing them that she is still upset about the break up but doesnt want your mates to know because if they tell you!! you have just got to let her go. if you still like her then tell her and if she wants you back she will as you, otherwise you just gotta except that she was not the one!! i hope none of this sounds harsh cos i dont want it to.

[gersanos]

I think that is the worst feeling in world - when they act like nothing ever happened between us. I had an X that didn't call it a break up, but a conference. Our break-up was very business-like from her perspective, and she was using all these big words and tried to be professional. If you don't want to be with me anymore, fine, but don't act like there never was anything there. Even afterwards she would say certain things & act a certain way as if nothing ever happened.

 

I can't say why that is. Before and while we dated, she was not like that at all. Maybe she's ashamed that we dated or something. I really don't know. But just seeing how it ended and how she handled it made me realize that this is not even a person I would want to be back with. Like the previous poster mentioned, that may be her own way of handling the break-up: coping, venting, etc. People express there emotions in different ways. Some handle it in ways that make no sense to most people, but that's how they go about it.

 

It does not necessarily make her crazy, but you can justify it in your own way to help you get over her- call her psycho, crazy, whatever works for you to stay away and heal. Once you heal, you'll be able to look at it from a different perspective.

[Day_Walker]

She doesnt know what to feel and she is trying to justify why she did what she did.

[heyguys]

I know how you are feeling. I was with my ex for 2 years as well...and immediately there was someone else inthe picture. You have to consider if she was already interested in that person during the end of your relationship, and maybe thats why she broke up with you. She is probably bad mouthing you not because she hates our doenst care about you, but she feel some guilt or incongruency in her heart of what she has done, and what will happen in the future. I know my boyfriend pretened like he didnt even know me or ever loved me. It really is a defense mechanism in their part to move on and and ego boost. Hope this helps..fell free to read my post under infidelity and getting back together. Maybe itll help =)

[MrLonely]

Yeah, those are my thoughts exactly.

 

It really hurts how she did the same things every day; tell me she misses me, loves me, etc. Then cold turkey she is gone. Reasoning; she doesn't feel the same way anymore and its not fair to me, she needs time for her self (read - another guy)...blah blah blah...

 

Then she calls 3 days after because "Her friend said she should call me and tell me what happened". What a crock!

 

And she hid the fact of the other guy from the friend as well....

 

So she needed a friend to tell her to call me after 1.5 years?? Gimme a break!

[tisd]

I dated my exboyfriend for 4 years. One day out of the blue he just broke up with me. I didn't see it coming either. He also ingnored me and acted like we didn't just share the last 4 years of our lives together. Looking back now, I think that he new he was making a mistake because his family and friends were telling him he was crazy. He also started dating someone 2 weeks after we broke up. I think he wanted his friends and family not to like me any more so he bad mouthed me just like it sounds like your ex is doing. The best advice I can give you is to move on without her. I have a new boyfriend and could not be happier. My ex is alone and I am sure he is not happy. Take care of yourself and ignore her!!

[MrLonely]

Thank you.

 

Same deal here. Her family & friends miss me, and have been telling me that she is making a big mistake and doesn't realize it. They say i deserve better after what happened, that i gave her everything and there is a better person out there who will appreciate it more then she ever will.

 

Only problem is, i love her dearly.

 

Our relationship wasn't always perfect (we broke up for 2 days in september) but we were in love. I'd love getting the phone calls from her friends telling me how she is always talking about us and blah blah blah....

 

I know i have to move on in life, but it's a hard thought knowing she might not be around for it.

 

I will do the NC thing, and hopfully when this new guy thing passes - she can realize what she lost.

 

I think the age difference is a big factor - i'm almost 23 and she just turned 20. We are at different places, i'm into settling down and she, partying (i was her first long relationship). It doesnt make it any easier.

[SkyFire]

My GF of 1.5 years just broke up with me. I didn't see it coming. There is another guy in the picture from her school.

 

NC for almost 2 weeks.

 

So my question is, why is it that she is out bad mouthing me to mutual friends (i.e. snide comments and such) and cries about me to other friends while totally ignoring me now and pretending we didn't just spend 1.5 years together.

 

Words cannot describe how pathetic people like that are.

 

Forget her. She is not worth a squirt of piss.

[MrLonely]

Just so you all know, her comment was

 

"I miss him so much, tear"

 

First, she said "tear". Who says tear? How foolish. She said it in front of my brother, in passing, not directly at him just so he could hear.

 

This was said at the 2 week point. What is she trying to do? If she really didn't love me anymore - why the comments?

[shockeddismayed]

MrLonely,

 

Dude, sorry for this crud she is putting you through.

 

It seems that many people just do not know how to deal with the emotions of a long-term breakup.

 

When breaking up, it is always best to just be upfront, explain yourself and then disappear without leaving them with unjustified hope.

 

However in too many cases, the dumper either:

a) Tries to tread the fence and string you along with "this is a break", "I don't know about the future", "don't go anywhere I just need space" or

b) Swings the other way and bad mouths you to justify the wild emotions they are having.

 

Either way is painful, but take some comfort that if her comments were undeserved, then she is just over-reacting in a very immature way. This can sometimes give you what you need to say "not worth it".

 

Take the high road.... Don't respond to this junk. If she is just acting on high emotions, and realizes you are acting with honour, she may realize she owes you a HUGE apology. In the meantime, move on and find someone who is mature enough to deserve you.

[MrLonely]

Yeah, I found it immature that she would tell me the only reason she is calling me is because her friend told her to.

 

I think I deserve better after a year and a half.

 

Despite all the bs...i still miss her.

 

 

Oh yeah - she has told me to F-OFF as well, (she set is as her msn name) because i was stupid and had my msn name set to "memories" that she would remember.

[MrLonely]

Another thought...

 

When she broke up with me, as i was getting out of the car we hugged then she kissed me. Long kiss. I pulled back and she sat there and said "sorry, there is no feeling". So, i cried. We talked some more then i went to go again and she tried to kiss me again - this time i pulled away and wouldn't let her.

 

What gives?

[shockeddismayed]

MrLonely,

 

There is NO point in trying to figure it out. Breakups are confusing for both sides.

 

While you are both in this confused and vulnerable state, it is best to stay miles away from each other. Nobody can heal or figure out his/her heart when they feel pressured, smothered, or are being repeatedly hurt.

 

Just walk away from this for a little while and try to relax a bit.

 

Any serious relationships that reconcile almost always only do so after months, not days or weeks (well unless it was just due to an "in the heat of the moment" argument).

 

So it is best to just get out of the picture and stay there for a while...

 

and that means no covert messages through friends or MSN screen names. It is better for you both to do nothing than to be passive aggressive (and she will see "memories" as an attempt to hurt her).

 

Work on yourself for a while. Don't worry about your crazy (at least for now) ex.

[MrLonely]

I'm guessing most things are said at breakup in the heat of the moment. I find it extreamly hard to believe that she can sit there and say she hasn't loved me for a while now EVEN THOUGH she still did things which showed love. Not large things, the small things that she did which made me fall in love with her.

 

We were at a busy point in out relationship at the time of the breakup. We hadn't seen each other much in the past few days (she said she didn't mind not talking to me....) and we were both crooked; i said i can't take the crooked-ness anymore and she got quite. A few hours later it was done.

 

Turns out now, a couple days before, she was telling another guy that she was going to break it off since she didn't feel the same anymore. She found herself with feelings for another, and didn't know about her feelings for me.....

 

I dont know what to make of her now blaming certain things in the realationship on me, which at the time, wasn't a big deal and certainly no one's fault.

[MrLonely]

Hmm shocked&dismayed or anyone else - can you explain this? (I know I shouldn't be trying to analize it but....)

 

She did volunteer the information that she "Still has all my pics up in her room"...

 

Does that mean she burned them already? Or what? She is saying lots to play with my head (and heart).

[MrLonely]

Is it advisable, when her friends ask how i am, to tell the truth (broken, depressed, missing her) or say that i am doing excellent?? How does this work with the NC??

 

She was indirectly speaking to me last night, through her MSN name. She would change her's to reflect on what mine was set to. I tried to ignore it - but if she wants to talk can't she just call?? Her final msg was "i dont know what to do...... So i thrown with these mind games again.

 

Any comments would be appreciated...