Engagement issues

[mandylee4christ]

Ok, so here's the thing. About 6 months ago I got engaged to my boyfriend of over 2 years. The proposal was absolutely incredible- it was in front of a huge waterfall at sunset with no one around- gorgeous! Before we got engaged we both decided that it wasn't going to be for a while until we were actually married- we still had things to work on before we comitted to forever. Keeping that in mind, we set the date for November 26 2005 (a year and a half away from when we originally decided on a date.) Now I know that all grooms are N.I.D (Not into details) when it comes to wedding planning, but he would always huff and puff whenever it came to choosing a reception site, or deciding on a wedding party. I understand that he is having a hard time planning becuase he feels it's so far away (It's a year, but there's SO much to do!). But this past weekend we got into this huge fight- he's been snapping at me recently (wedding plans aren't ever present) he'll just snap at the silliest things. (He has a short temper). I broke down and told him that if he doesn't try to work on treating me better then I wasn't sure there was going to be a wedding. I am so terrified that this is how he will treat me ALL the time when we get married. Now, I know you can't change a man, I am not set out to change him. He was never like this before, but just recently he's been so on the edge lately. Now everytime I look at my wedding dress or think of planning I get scared that there might not be a wedding. What do you think is going through this guy's head? He told me he was scared about getting married in November because he knows he has a hard time treating me like a princess all the time (for the record- he treats me like royalty 90% of the time). I know he wants to be as perfect as possibly before he marries me. I think he's scared his temper may one day ruin the marriage and that's why he's having such a hard time with this. I dont know.... any advice?

[mahlina]

Hi Mandy, long itme no see. Welcome Back!

 

Congradulations on the engagement!! If I were in your shoes, I think that it may be helpful that both you and your fiance attend a few couples' counseling sessions. I heard that some couples who try couple's therapy before marriage, actually find it helpful. It sounds like a great idea, since little things like his snappyness should be resolved before it makes you even more miserable, prior to tying the knot. Communication is key. So couple's counseling sounds like a good idea. He'll also probably find other helpful tips on how to communicate more effectively as a partner, in general. After all, realtionships are all about communicating. Once a partner closes off to the other person, then it leaves room for a lot of grudges and resentment, and can thereforeeee, potentially a destroy a strong relationship from growing even further.

[mandylee4christ]

Hey! Thanks for the welcome back- it's been a while since I've been on here! You gave good advice- actually in order to be married at our church we have to attend a premarriage seminar (2 days), be mentored by a married couple for a few months, and also attend pre-marriage counseling courses. I am really excited about all this because I think you're so right about communication. I think he is having a hard time knowing what to do in all this because it's stressful and he needs to get some advice from a married man. Thanks so much for the advice! Take care