Im struggling with rejection after breaking NC

[garysunday]

Me and my ex were together for 1 1/2 years and I suggested we take a break and she then suggested we break up and I agreed to it. Before our relationship I was doing good being single for a couple of years. She was a fairly accomplished person when we met and I thought we would both help each other grow. I felt lucky for finding her and I honestly wondered why she was single.

 

About 6 months in she called me one day and told me she was suicidal so I dropped everything and went to be with her. Afterwards this became a pattern. Our last 4 months together were emotionally draining for me and I felt little joy in the world. I stayed with her most of that time because she used to go downhill when I was away. She was on medication but it didn't seem to help. I wanted to return to my single life because I didn't think I had any emotional energy to help her.

 

So, we broke up and I was doing good in NC for a month and then she contacted me and asked if could be friends. At that point I felt much better and agreed to it. We began hanging out and she was just like the person I first met. No problems, fun loving, out going and everything. I started to fall for her again and told her I was developing feelings for her again at which point she became very distant.

 

I've tried NC a few times since then but then she will call me asking why I'm mad at her and I've told her I keep getting drawn into having conflicting emotions about her. She keeps reminding me "But we broke up, remember? This is how it has to be"

 

The hard part for me is that its been hard to remember all those long hard nights and I only think of her as she's been since we've tried being friends. I feel like now that she seems to be better she's decided she doesn't need me. The funny thing is that is what I used to want but now I feel like I kept her afloat for some other guy to come along and enjoy her new found happiness. I understand it's a feeling of rejection on my part but it's been hard to deal with. The life I had before has been hard to revive for me because I was cut off from so many people just dealing with her emotional issues.

 

I understand that this will be better for me over the long term but feeling rejected is a hard pill to swallow. Thanks for letting me vent.

[Clio]

I can't imagine anyone turning their life around like that in just a month. Her issues are probably pretty much still there. She is just masking them and is emotionally manipulating you in the process. What you experienced in 1 1/2 years still has the potential to resurface. Any new guy who comes along will probably face the same challenges in time. What you describe sounds like a very unhealthy relationship. Your best bet is to cut her off and focus on rebuilding your life. Why would you want to go back knowing what you know? Of course there are going to be times when she is going to be fine. But you know that there is a whole other dimension in her personality who is part of the package and won't go away that easily. In feeling rejected by her healthy part you forget that there is a part in her that brought you harm and that you came to reject. Stop trying to fix other people. You can't and you didn't. It's just an illusion.

[East4]

gary, your post reads as if you are sorry that you invested time and energy in her feeling better, and now that the relationship is over you are sorry that some other man will reap the good fruit that you planted. Do not be sorry, even if your investment is lost on earth, your good deed is certainly building good karma

 

as clio before me said, i highly doubt that she has dealt with her issues on a permanent basis, most probably if you go back to her, the pattern will restart. All the more she associates you with it, based on her experience from the past. To give an example, if you meet a drinking buddy after some time not seen, what would you do with this person-go to a theater, or go get a drink like in the past? Most probably go drink, as you associate this person with this activity.

 

You have nothing to be sorry, turn the page and move on.

[garysunday]

Thanks for the advice.

 

I had a few projects I let fall by the way side when the relationship with my ex got more chaotic. This past week I started to work on them again and am making use of my free time in a constructive way. Its just taken some getting used to because for a long while my day to day focus shifted to what her moods were and trying to help her with her depression. It's been a period of readjusting to my former life and learning to think of what I want and not someone else first.