Overwhelming urge to Eat, Pray, Love

[turnthepage]

I'm 26 and have had a crazy life. Left school young due to my parents leaving and felt very unhappy for all of my teenage years. Did some good jobs and a little travel in my early twenties before deciding to do 3 years back at college to go to university to study Biology, a huge passion of mine. I've worked very hard to get to a very prestigious university and have enjoyed it thus far.

 

My mother passed away recently, well two months ago. Due to our horrible past it has stirred up so many emotions in me. She never was a good mother. She made the whole of my teenage years be embodied in questions such as if my mum could leave me.. Who would ever stay. This of course has eased into my twenties but i am still not over this. I have an amazing sister who I owe the world to but I've been a very lonely, pensive individual. We have no other family, just me, my sister and nephew.

 

I thought school was the right choice and I know I love my subject. I have achieved well, made a lot of friends and feel proud of myself. However, I recently went away for two weeks alone and met some amazing people and had a glimpse of a completely different, happy life.

 

I met mothers who would brag about their children to me. I met strangers who cooked for me and I felt alive like I have never felt. People would never guess it as I appear extrovert and happy but I have no idea who I am. This two weeks away has sparked something in me, a sadness, a longing to deal with my past. One day I would love to have a husband but feel like I have too many issues to do this. One day I won't be able to just go and see the world. I am at a place where my only commitment is my education.

 

My university have been very good. They have allowed my exams to be deferred until this September to allow me to grieve which means revision starts now. I just can't help feeling that I am living a robotic life already. I spend every hour of the day either studying or going to the gym (I've lost 100 pounds and have 24 to go). This is no life. I feel I would give anything to return to university in a couple of years after seeing the world and discovering who I am and what I want and ultimately letting go of my past it know I can't do this. They would not let me. I just don't know what to do for the best.

[Moontiger]

Finish school. Part of being an adult is knowing when you can do what you want, and when you have to do something you don't really want to do. Could you take off? Sure! But then you have wasted a huge amount of money and time. And, will have to start all over if you choose to go back.

 

Honestly, it sounds like you need to see a therapist not take a trip around the world the way that women in eat, pray, love did. I read a bit of the book but had to stop because I found her very self absorbed and immature. Rather then throw away your school, spending a bunch of money on traveling, etc tough it out, start seeing a therapist, and see in six months how you feel.

[sophie274]

How much longer do you have at university? Will you be completely done in September?

[turnthepage]

How much longer do you have at university? Will you be completely done in September?

 

No, this is my first year I have two left.

 

I understand that it is part of being an adult. But, part of being an adult is also accepting your past and determining who you are. I cannot do that leading this lifestyle. I am aware I am lucky to be in such a position but I have worked very hard to be here.

 

I have been reading about my university procedures and they do have the option to suspend your studies for one year with good circumstances. Getting over the death of my mother and accepting what life was and is seems important to me. I have a good reputation at uni and have made good impressions on the academics so I am confident they would support me.

 

It just seems I need to work out whether I really need to do this or whether I should just be stoic and carry on through what is likely just a bad patch. I really do want to figure out who I am, to meet people and to heal from my past appropriately and healthily. Thanks for your replies

[sophie274]

Was waiting on that information to write something a little more detailed.

 

The first thing for me would be practical feasibility. Does the uni allow a year off, and do you have the money to spend a year traveling (budget highly depends on where you're going of course, whether you'll be working at the same time, but definitely something to seriously think about).

 

Secondly, I definitely think travel can be a completely wonderful, life-changing experience. Have definitely felt that myself so I know where you are coming from. Listen, I personally don't think there's anything wrong or selfish or immature with taking a year off to go travel. I know a lot of people who have done it and they all had a great time and are also all lovely people.

 

However, I'm not sure travel is the right prescription in your case. You say you want to see the world - sounds like a good reason to go. But from what I read, your main goal is to heal from your past and deal with it. To me, that sounds like something that would best be accomplished with therapy. I think travel can allow us to know ourselves better, to have a better sense of self, more self-confidence, perhaps a renewed sense of purpose, and some peace/rest if you are feeling overworked and overwhelmed. But I'm not sure it's the right thing to deal with a specific, painful issue.

 

Who wouldn't want to "eat pray love"? Sounds awesome. If you were to go away for a year, I'm sure you would have an amazing time. I wouldn't do it on a whim though, and I wouldn't expect it to change how you feel about your past. In your shoes, I would sit on this a bit more, think about what other options there might be that would be less radical. If you want to go, start figuring out practicalities while also taking steps to heal yourself now, like seeing a therapist.

 

Oh, and I love Eat Pray Love, but I also think her situation was quite exceptional. She did spend four months meditating in an ashram, and praying to deities she believed in, which for me counts as 4 months of intense therapy. So that's not a typical traveler experience. She also met the love of her life and then made millions of dollars on the book. I'm sure you don't expect that to happen to you, of course, but it's easy to get caught up in the mystique before you remember that she's one in a million.

[sophie274]

Also my opinion: Sure, you're responsible for yourself and that means you can't just have fun all the time, but there are many many ways to lead a happy life and you don't necessarily have to follow a traditional path. In this case, I think you have to consider the lost income/opportunities from taking a year off, and of graduating a year later. And also consider how you will feel and what you will do if the year does not make you feel better or help you deal with your past. As long as one understands that there are consequences and trade-offs, it's ok to make whatever decision (as long as it's not hurting others).

 

I'm leaving in a few weeks for a year of travel (hopefully, if it's going well, if not I'll come home sooner), because I've been dreadfully unhappy for years and feel I need to get away and clear my head, and also because I love traveling and it's one of the few things that's made me happy in the past few years. In my mind, I've done the therapy, done the this and that and need to try something new. A lot of people think its childish and stupid and a waste of money. Oh well. To me, if I come back feeling the same, at least ill have had a good time and been happy for a while, and at least ill have tried. A friend of mine has a relative who's doing something similar, and it sounds like it's working for her so far.

[blueidealist24]

I'm sorry about the loss of your mother, but congratulations on losing all that weight. I think you must finish your exams in September and THEN see about taking a year off. I don't think the year off is such a bad idea but you should finish the exams you have on your plate as if you don't you would have wasted the whole last semester learning in a bunch of courses just to fail them due to not taking the exams.